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DH back to work on Tuesday. How do I recruit daytime nanny part-time 4 till 7.30 pm. Baby 3 weeks. DD 5 years.

212 replies

Katiejon · 20/11/2013 16:37

Title says it all!
Any agencies to avoid in London?
I live in Hendon NW4.

OP posts:
daughterofafarmer · 22/11/2013 16:57

Personally I think the OP needs to be honest about the 'real' issue here, and sadly it's mental health. Until that is address, the rest is pointless. You have plenty of help, but it's not the help you need.

As I've send before you NEED to speak to someone, anyone. Go to your GP and take DH will you.

SoonToBeSix · 22/11/2013 17:02

Op am sorry if you feel I was too harsh .I was just frustrated, believe me I have been there with the hallucinating etc.
Also it's good to be logical, you obviously need more sleep and if it's noisy when your mum is there ear plugs might be a solution. And I really do think counselling would be a good idea rather than more help.

AmyMumsnet · 22/11/2013 17:07

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your reports. We've been through the thread to delete comments which we felt were beyond the pale, but please do flag up any you think we've missed.

We'd appreciate it if everyone could bear it in mind that that our aim is to make parents' lives easier by sharing advice and support. Parenting isn't easy at the best of times, especially with a new baby, and we hope the OP's situation starts to improve soon.

daughterofafarmer · 22/11/2013 17:07

Re appointment on Monday, who is going with you?

Katiejon · 22/11/2013 17:18

Very many thanks amymumsnet.

I started this thread simply to ASCERTAIN HOW TO RECRUIT A NANNY!!!!!!!!!!
I DO NOT HAVE TO JUSTIFY MYSELF TO VARIOUS POSTERS!!!
I am very glad I am strong enough not to be upset by some comments.

Regrettably resigning from mumsnet and will warn other parents to be careful b4 asking questions.

Thank you for constructive advice, sympathy and understanding.

OP posts:
Guitargirl · 22/11/2013 17:22

OP - please go back to your GP or speak openly and honestly with your psychiatrist. It seems as though your AP is causing you more anxiety than help. Ask her to leave, get a weekly cleaner (nobody's house needs more than that IMO), sleep when your mum has the baby. Does your 5 year old's school have an after-school club that she could go to, at least until you are more settled? I would not take sleeping pills with 2 young children in the house, especially one as young as your baby.

comemulledwinewithmoi · 22/11/2013 17:29

Come on, line up...ill hand all of you who are so fucking perfect your brownie badgesHmm

Honestly, this thread has a lot of shitty comments. It doesn't matter if you coped, what matters is op isn't.

When wi you be happy, when she is admitted to a mother a md baby phyc unit?

Op, good for you, looking for help, sorry people have been so harsh.

OneStepCloserIWillExterminate · 22/11/2013 17:34

Katie, this thread is so sad. Life isnt a competition as to who has it hardest. There has been some kind posters here giving really helpful advice, dont let the horrible comments hide that. I really hope you get the help you need. Take care.

DoItTooJulia · 22/11/2013 17:34

OP, ignore the horrible posts.

Are you ok? How are things now, any joy with getting some help and sleep?

Reet, as northern said, back off. You're not doing OP or yourself any favours.

comemulledwinewithmoi · 22/11/2013 17:38

Please don't leave mn, usually is a great support. I know you've had a rough rude, when you need us most. Give us another chance.

I for one have no problem with people having as much help as they can afford/need.

My baby is 1 and I want a cleaner, child are etc...if I could I would.

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/11/2013 18:40

Thing is yes op needs help - and yes some replies were a bit harsh and others deleted when I've back to this thread so didn't read what they were

but we have suggested diff types of help the past week and op has done anything about it

The original title of thread - you don't need a 4/730 nanny - you have an ap - get her to buck her ideas up and take dd out after school to give you peace as she's noisy - but also be nice for dd to have special time

Get a night nanny (I've offered to help you next week as have week off) or a mat nurse

Wear earplugs when granny is about and rest

Talk to dh but maybe as others have said he thinks you are ok as have ap and your mum and yes someone does have to pay for the help/mortgage etc

Also think dh is a doctor /works in hospital - or did I imagine that ?

DoItTooJulia · 22/11/2013 18:43

She hasn't employed you Blonder. You forgot to add that.

Mind you, I'm not surprised.

DoItTooJulia · 22/11/2013 18:43

Blondes. Bloody autocorrect.

decaffwithcream · 22/11/2013 18:45

Night Nanny that another poster suggested sounds like a good idea, and more useful than an au pair?

It is very difficult when you become anxious about sleeping.

I would bring your DH to the next Psychiatrist appointment. Sometimes hearing it from a professional makes all the difference.

TerroroftheAutumns · 22/11/2013 19:48

Indecisiveness and the inability to cope or sort out ones own problems can be an integral part of some mental health conditions. It is not helpful to berate the OP for being unable to take on board advice.

In places thread has been mumsnet being cruel Sad, and I do hope the OP sees the supportive responses and sticks around.

kalidasa · 22/11/2013 20:23

I am quite shocked by this thread. I had a severe postnatal depression after only an hour or two's sleep in the first few days (and was also struggling with a slow recovery from very bad SPD - had been in a wheelchair at the end of pregnancy) and all the professionals I saw were very clear that it was imperative that I slept, and slept at night (making it up during the day is not really enough if your mental health is very fragile) at least every other night. Otherwise post-natal psychosis is a real risk and it sounds as if the OP here is in a high-risk category for that. OP, if you are still reading, if your husband or mother is really not able to do at least every other night then someone else needs to. If you are finding it impossible to call an agency and hire a maternity nurse to cover the nights for you then can you ask your mother to take over and do the admin to sort something out? If your psychiatrist thinks sleeping pills or some other kind of anti-anxiety medication is a good idea to help you relax and sleep then you should take that advice.

Jollyb · 22/11/2013 20:43

OP. I'm too shocked by some of the replies on this thread. Sleep deprivation and PND are not a good combination (been there). I really hope you feel better soon.

Katiejon · 22/11/2013 21:05

Have slept for 3 hours, martyred myself enough 4 some of u?!

Am not letting some of u chase me away from a valuable resource.
Again, I only wanted advice on how to recruit a nanny.
How did this thread end up with 90+ posts?
How I spend money is NOTHING 2 do with u.
Am I asking u 2 pay for it?

Have asked dh to accompany me to psych appt on mon.
My xmas invite has been cancelled cos friend doesn't want her there if a problem with dh.

Thanks Kalidasa, same advice as NHS psych gave me.
Sleep deprivation is used a method of torture.

OP posts:
DanceWithAStranger · 22/11/2013 21:15

You need a night nanny. Cocoon is a good agency - we got a nanny from them for a week when we night weaned DS.

Mnyoucleverboyandremember · 22/11/2013 21:27

That's a good idea. I hope you find a solution soon so you can get some sleep. Things will get easier but I really feel for you right now.

WaitingForPeterWimsey · 22/11/2013 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JackyJax · 22/11/2013 22:34

Hi Katie. Oh my goodness you sound as if you are under a lot of pressure. When you are sleep deprived, have had a newborn and have mental health issues ten it is very hard to think straightvandcto take decisive action. People who have been unkind to you are probably not really mean but are ignorant regarding your mental health.

I think you should get a night nanny who will help you settle bubs into a routine. She would mean you could sleep every night, something which you need. Maybe just get your mum to pick up daughter from school but not stay so long. Everyone seems shocked at all the help you are getting but sometimes having people in the house can be quite stressful .

I think it is very difficult for you to take action. Some posters have been getting frustrated by this but again, this is because they don't fully understand your difficulties. So maybe get your husband or mother to set everything up for you . It is too hard sometimes to sort things out when we are so low physically and mentally.

You obviously care v much about your children and are being sensible by real using that you do need help.

Please ask either your mum or husband to sort stuff out for you in terms of help. Then concentrate on your sleep, cuddling bubs and spending a little btw of time with daughter.
Sending you a very firm hug and wishing you all the best. When times are v difficult remember ,'this too shall pass'.

JackyJax · 22/11/2013 22:36

Sorry-many typos. 'realising that you do need help'.

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/11/2013 22:55

waitingforpeter I have offered several times to come and help for a week - even tho is prob a 3hr round trip for me - while op sorts out what help she needs - better ap and a night nanny is my opinion - but she hasn't taken me up on my offer

Obv I would expect and want her to check my refs - I've been on mn prob 7ish years and many on childcare know me not sure if that is good or bad lol Grin

I'm a NNEB nanny with over 20yrs sole charge exp of looking after children - from newborns (including twins) to 11yrs. I have excellent refs and obv have first aid/DBS and nanny insurance.

I'm Only free as the 6week old I've been looking after past month has a sickness bug and mum wants to look after her as feels guilty leavin her with me when healthy but knows she had to so got sleep every other night - but as poorly :( mum wants to look after her till better and I will go back. Totally understand her reasons

I have a new family to start with their 3rd child in dec.

Quite happy to have week off but also quite happy to help a fellow mn who is obv struggling

If op gets proper sleep during the night - she will be able to cope better during the day and possibly cut down on her mum coming over very afternoon - or keep the mum and spend a little time with dd after school.

comemulledwinewithmoi · 22/11/2013 23:22

Best of luck op . And really dont respond to nasty comments, ignore!