DH back to work on Tuesday. How do I recruit daytime nanny part-time 4 till 7.30 pm. Baby 3 weeks. DD 5 years.

[Katiejon]

Title says it all!
Any agencies to avoid in London?
I live in Hendon NW4.

[HoopHopes]

Hi, having a young baby is exhausting and I can totally empathise about lack of sleep, previous stressful events and recovery from a c section. I found when I was 8 weeks post c section I was physically more able to do things ( without pain that is!!) so hopefully as each week goes by you will recover.

Lack if sleep is torture!! It does get better, honest - so hope you can hold onto that hope. And I do not think day's really understand what it is like, so try not to get so wound up if you can about your dh working, as they do not know what major surgery/childbirth/breastfeeding is like!

Recovery from pnd - medication helps, getting as much sleep as possible ( so yes, nanny, cleaner, family - if you got it, use it!!!)

Best advice is to speak to your HV - tell her about your symptoms, the help you think you need. They have post natal support groups for pnd they can put you in touch with. You can ask her to refer you to the peri natal mental health team who can assess you ( but it you already have a psychiatrist you would not receive treatment under 2 psych's). Also they can put you into group sessions to help you bond with your child as people with pnd do sometimes struggle with that. Children centres have support workers for mums with mental health issues or mums who are struggling with parenting, so you can request a support form if you think they could support you in parenting whilst suffering with pnd. So support there for people with pnd. Once a child is 18 months old there is much less support, as it is not in the post natal period and much less funding for adult mental health care so best to seek the support in these first few months.

If you want to go private then find a counsellor specialising in pnd is best.

[passerby123]

There is a separate discussion forum on MN about pnd under Becoming parent/Antenatal-postnatal depression.

[Messupmum]

I wish I had all that support over the past four years struggling as a single mum with depression, anxiety and bpd, as well as starting off in a one bedroom top floor flat! I don't know where people have got the diagnosis of severe mental illness, yes op has a psych who's there to prescribe meds, but the hallucinations were five years ago with her dd? I may have got that wrong, sorry if I have. I have also hallucinated in the past year but was told it was due to sleep deprivation and meds, and they weren't too worried.

I'm sorry op is struggling and in physical pain, that doesn't help with the tearfulness and sleep. And I know anyone, no matter how wealthy, single or married, or mums with one or four kids, can be mentally unwell, but what I'm finding hard to sympathise with is the support op has. Not many mums can afford childcare, and have no choice but to clean and cook. I hope you have a good chat with your psych, op, take ads and use the support and appreciate it. Over time the physical pain will improve, and hopefully things will get easier.

[Katiejon]

I have not had nanny overnite, although I think I have found someone now.

[Katiejon]

Nanny on a Saturday only when dh working.
Dh booked himself to work on 3 Saturday's without telling or discussing with me.
I found out 3 days before csection, had to come home and start finding someone to help me.
Dh opposed nanny, saying inexperienced ap could do it.
Dh not doing extra work in order to put food on table.
Also had missed miscarriage oct 2012 (after seeing hb at 8 weeks). 9 weeks light bleeding.
2 x medical management and then erpc to clear lining.
The lochia now reminds me of the prolonged bleeding.

[Katiejon]

Waiting and Peter, v kind of u.
Not sure if depressed, more exhausted!

[JulieMumsnet]

Hi,

We're going to move this thread into mental health.

We're wishing you all the best, Katiejon.

[Strix]

I am going to start that au pair thread on your behalf, katiejon. I hope you don't mind.

Although, I do think an au pair these days is an employee and not just an additional member of the household. They need set hours, set duties, and set pay in return for their work. Without these things it is difficult for either you or she/he to know what you have bothe signed up to.

[Katiejon]

Hi.
Have asked for thread to be moved to mental health.
Please do not follow if u r going to post negative comments - they may have a bad effect on a vulnerable person, not me, I ignore the negative ones!

[SolomanDaisy]

LIZS it wasn't your post I was commenting on, it was the post directly above mine.

[LIZS]

Solomon I think you're twisting my meaning . If things like wipes are to hand it is much easier to wipe down the basin if it looks like it needs it once you have used it , than to think it is dirty, scrabble around for cleaning items or wait in frustration for some one else to notice. It may even prompt others to do likewise - 30 seconds , done. I'm not suggesting op gets down on her hands and knees and scrubs ! In time she will recover physically and things will become less difficult.


I think you may be a bit ott in expecting AP to meet your standards like hoovering into the corners, especially if you have a clearer coming in each fortnight, but overall you sound as if you have a nice relationship with her.

[Theimpossiblegirl]

Keep ignoring the mean posts. most of us genuinely care and are here to support, not judge.

If an AP is meant to be part of the family, hoovering is something family would reasonably be expected to do.

The Christmas dinner invitation sounds lovely. Don't put too much pressure on yourself though. M&S prepared Christmas dinner side orders are the way to go.

[Katiejon]

Ap and her friend joining me for xmas lunch.
Have also emailed her parents to thank for baby gift.
Hardly something a selfish woman would do.

[Katiejon]

I certainly have opened a can of worms.
I am doing some housework, but not v much.
Reet, please keep your nasty comments to yourself.
Am in favour of free speech, but not if it breaks guidelines.
Cleaner coming every 2 weeks, house MUST be kept relatively dust free as dd and I are asthmatic, me more than her.
I understand ap is young (20!), but how hard is it to hoover in the corners?
She works harder when she knows I'm watching.
Feeling better.

[SolomanDaisy]

Top advice there for a woman with spd, a recent caesarean and a mental health problem - just go and wipe the bathroom down dear.

[Mrscupcake23]

I know you are depressed but honestly your attitude towards other people is not good.

Why can't you au pair go back and see her family ? If she's as useless as you say you won't miss her too much.

I think you could also pick up a wipe and wipe round the bathroom.

[veee123]

Yes a house wife should be doing the house work. Your husband goes to work you need to bring something to the table if your not working. Au pair is not for major house work. You should be able to run yiur home.

[romina]

Seriously?!

An au pair is there to live as part of the family, learn the language and culture and in return help with childcare and light housework (eg dusting, dishwasher loading) for up to 25hrs a week. They are NOT an employee, but have a special status as part of a cultural exchange programme...

Therefore they do not do a lot of jobs that a "housewife" does. I've had many years of APs and have heard innumerable stories from their AP friends. Being asked to do too much/inappropriate/overly high standard housework seems to be the most common problem. If you want high standard cleaning - get a cleaner - and pay them 3-5 times as much per hour as most APs earn.

I do honestly sympathise that you are having a tough time - but as well as asking other people to understand your point of view, perhaps you should try to see theirs too?

[nbee84]

Ap's are generally teenagers or young adults. They will not have the experience that a housewife has of running an (hopefully ) efficient home and of all that it takes to keep on top of things. Think back to when you were younger and first living away from home and learning all about running your own - were your standards as high then as they are now several years later? I know that when I first lived away from home nothing got done during the week and I would have a major blitz at the weekend if I wasn't out on the town!

An ap should be able to help out with the running of the household - emptying the dishwasher, popping the hoover round, putting a wash etc etc on but they are not qualified housewives

[Katiejon]

Ap don't wash floors but housewives do?
Discuss.

[Katiejon]

Wipes in tesco delivery tomorrow.