DH back to work on Tuesday. How do I recruit daytime nanny part-time 4 till 7.30 pm. Baby 3 weeks. DD 5 years.

[Katiejon]

Title says it all!
Any agencies to avoid in London?
I live in Hendon NW4.

Am not feeling sorry 4 myself.
To reiterate: I STARTED THIS THREAD 2 FIND RECOMMENDATIONS 4 DECENT AGENCIES NEAR ME AND ANY TO AVOID!!!!!!!
Doesn't that imply I'm trying to get help!
FYI, anyone can be a mat nurse, nanny etc.
Any sensible, responsible parent would ask for experience and quals, can't just pick joe bloggs from internet, not if u want to ensure ur children r safe.
Anyone remember recent cases of paedophiles working in nurseries?
So sorry for not trusting just anyone with my children!

But you aren't on your own. You have your mother, hired help and lots of people on line trying to help, too. Someone has even offered to come to your home and help. You have physical issues which require medical assistance. There is no shame in having mental health issues requiring professional help. Why be angry about having pnd? People with pnd are most often perfectly good parents from all walks of life. Take a deep breath and put your ducks in a row. Then have a bacon sandwich and a glass of wine.

You don't sound as if you are feeling sorry for yourself.

You sound utterly disassociated, probably due to sleep deprivation.

While your psych will be doing the right thing diagnosing as he/she sees fit, make sure you UNDERLINE the effect of your husband's inadequacy on you and the family.

And spell this out very clearly to your H: right now, you are too tired and ill to do anything except flounder. But while you might recover from this, you won't necessarily recover from or forget about his attitude when the chips were down. Tell him he is marking his card and every day sees you move closer to a decision in the future to remove him from the family. And he'll have a lot less time to do extra work on a Saturday when he finds himself looking after his children solo during contact.

No Talkative, the OP threatening her husband isn't going to help anyone. SHe needs to articulate how desperate she is and she needs medical help. She does not need to up the domestice ante with threats of divorce.

OP I think you need medical help. There is nothing to be ashamed of about taking anti-depressants if you need them. You sound ill and very unhappy and I wonder really if you will only get complete rest if you are admitted to hospital for a little while until you are properly on your feet again. It sounds as though it will be very difficult for even the best qualified nanny to help you at the moment.

I am sorry you are going through this and hope the help you need isn't too far away.

I've met Blonde's btw and think she would have been as good as her word.

I'm not going to tell you to have a bacon sarnie and a glass of wine - I think a nice cup of tea and some cheese on toast would be better. I bet you don't even eat bacon

It sounds very tough for you OP.
Please get your DH or DM to make some calls yo get a few temp nannies in for you to interview.it sounds to me that you are angry that you need support, and that you are crying out for your DH to realise that you need him to help/organize help for you.

Disassociation, yes, I think so.
Feeling of being in a dream, caused by severe stress/trauma/upset.
Had it after my grandfather dropped dead of ruptured aortic aneurysm, literally just after being told my grandmother had breast cancer.
Wanted to walk out cos feeling overwhelmed.
Not to leave dh and dc's.
Off to sleep now.

You havnt upset me :) - I'm tough skinned - had to be during the past few years :)

You say you need help in daytime but tbh I think you need help at nighttime so that you get sleep

Daytime you have your mum and ap - if she can't look after dd 4/7pm then she needs to go and get another ap - or a mothers help who will also clean a bit. Your mum does 2-8 with bubs

If you got a decent nights sleep you will be able to cope with the morning easier.

My offer stands to help you with nights this next week - have a serious think - and if not me then please get another night nurse /mat nurse in.

All I want for you is to get a few nights decent sleep - you will view things differently then -

I don't understand dh reluctance in getting someone in to help you sleep - unless it's cost - as I said on your 1st thread it is a huge cost - but one that many parents decide its worth it for their sanity.

windmill you are obv a nc unlike me lol - glad I met you but not sure who you are

Message me :)

Hope your ok Katie. Hope you get all the support and help you need. Take it hour by hour, rather then day by day. You WILL get through this x

OP I think you need to show this thread to your mother or DH. There is good advice here, but you are obviously unable to comprehend or act on it at this time.

Two pieces of information that are key;

1. Yes, anyone can call themselves a nanny. A good agency will not take on anyone. They will only take on qualified/experienced nannies. Ask for an Ofsted registered nanny with qualifications and experience and that is what they will send. You are clearly not in a position to recruit your own nanny, you MUST trust an agency. You are going round and round in circles.

1. You say you need sleep. You say you need sleep at night. Now you say you need help in the daytime. NO. If you need sleep at night you need help at night time. Days are ok with the school, the au pair and your mother covering most of it. Get some help for night time.

Blondes could you PM the OP your agencies details? Maybe if she can verify you're from a reputable agency she would feel more comfortable.

Katie

I hope you manage to get the help you need, both from health professionals and some kind of nanny/mother's help. I second all comments saying ignore unhelpful posts- it's not a competition and if you have the means to get additional support to top up your Mum's help as well as AP, go for it. Look after yourself and don't worry about anyone but you, your DC and your DH. I've had PND, though without the psychosis, so j empathise and hope practical things get sorted soon, allowing you to feel better.

Katie, there's nothing wrong with taking ADs if you're not well mentally at the moment. Why wouldn't you? They will help to reduce your anxiety to a more normal level which will help you sleep.

Agree, what is the problem with taking ADs? If you had a headache, you would take a paracetamol. You are ill, you need treatment and medication (particaully as I get the image that whatever treatment you're currently receiving is not working for you). It's NOBODIES fault that you need to take medication, and in fact it can be a wonderful thing.

I took anti depressants and anti psychotics last year after the birth of my son. I had to, I was seriously ill. I believed that my baby belonged to someone else, that this was not my child. I hallucinated about his real mother coming to collect him, I was very nearly sectioned because of this.

Once they began working it was brilliant. I could think without these constant conflicting emotions crashing down on me. I could be rational. They did not turn me into a zombie, I still cried, but the crying had a definite reason, rather than 'I am so confused and everything is shit and I don't understand anything right now". Medication gave my brain the chance to slow down, the chance to process thoughts and the ability to deal with issues. I think you need them.

If you are worried about choosing the right nanny, ask your mum to help you. You trust her with your child, so she should be able to give good advice on who to choose.

Visualise, how awful 4 u.
I had ad's after my grandfather died.
I responded v well to prozac, but with dry mouth and vivid dreams.
Prescribed sertraline by gp when ill after dd, not referred to psych, I ended up with drug induced mania and had to be admitted into hospital, shopping in tesco at midnite!
Yes, ad's r wonderful, but I will have to endure side effects and v close monitoring.
Nanny today wonderful.
Hsbnd objected to cost, despite earning 3 her daily rate.
Hsbnd not doing extra work to put food on table.
Told him, what price ur wife and children well-being?

Quite right - he needs to look after you all, as you would look after him if he was ill. The cost will not be forever, just for the next few weeks or months while you get better.

I took Quatiapine (not sure on spelling, pronounced ka tie a peen). It had a serious sedative effect on me, fell asleep within 15 minutes of taking it and slept for 15 hours straight! And that was half the recommended dose! I could only take it while staying with my mum, so she could look after the baby while I slept. I also took Sertraline and luckily didn't have any bad side effects. Would you not consider Sertraline again?

Just wanted to send some sympathy. I remember the utter awfulness of sleep deprivation that makes you hallucinate. I hope you find the support you need

I'm a maternity nurse and worked with a mum who had post natal pshchosis and PND and was hospitalized twice before I started. Please get help in now I've left comments on your other threads on how to find someone and also I can help you find one of my professional colleagues to help. I have attended a maternity nurse conference this weekend and there is many professionals that could help you.

The mum I mentioned earlier was heavily medicated and had three times weekly pysch meetings a week at the beginning. I was sympathetic to her needs and we worked at building confidence with baby. I was there full time because she had walked out and left baby so much better to get help now before this could happen to you.

It's a hard position to be in but it will get better however right now you need someone to do night cover so that you can sleep. Please get night cover.

Tell the doc on Monday about your experiences on ADs, there may well be a different drug they can prescribe.

Dh doing nite feeds, his tiredness will b the only way he will accept nite nanny
I feel better, he feels lousy! Good..
Have emailed agencies last nite.

I'm glad your DH is doing some night feeds - men always seem to be able to avoid these as they generally work during the week - no excuses at the weekend though.

Sleep makes things so much easier to deal with, I'm glad you've had some. Hopefully you're psychiatrist appointment on Monday - perhaps a management plan &/or medication.

Glad dh is doing nights now

Wear ear plugs and sleep

What agencies are you using?

I have used a night nanny and I highly recommend it if you can afford it (£200 per night) even if it is just for a couple of nights a week. She worked 10pm until 8am which allowed me to get the 8+ hours sleep per night that I needed and that enable me to function properly during the day.

You have an AP who can clean, run errands etc. and it really doesn't matter if she is not perfect - so what if the house is a bit of a mess at this difficult time, no one is going to judge you for that and if DH doesn't like it he can put on a pair of marigolds and get cleaning. Make sure you stock up on ready meals so you don't have to worry about cooking. In fact, send DH out to do the shopping today so you are stocked up for the week ahead.

With enough sleep and once you are getting help with your PND and other issues, you should be able to manage your baby during the day with a little bit of respite in the afternoons when your mother is there. Let your mum take the baby and spent a little quality time with your DD in the afternoons. By the time 10pm comes around you will be ready to hand the baby over, take a bath to relax you and then into bed by 11pm for a good night's sleep.

We used Eden. They are a very reputable agency in Central London.

Best of luck and I hope you feel bette soon.

OP I have hired a maternity nurse. Yes they are a stranger but if you use a sensible agency and get someone who has a track record and strong references, interview them yourself and you shouldn't have an issue. If you do then fire them.