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Original poster

I just did something (triggering)

341 replies

Messupmum · 09/08/2013 19:40

I don't know if I need help or not. I tied a ligature around my neck so tight - I did it twice. The second I struggled to undo it.

I'm kind of scared, but I felt a sense of calm too. Don't really think I'm having normal thoughts. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Messupmum · 07/09/2013 23:17

Home isn't a safe place, there are pills etc there. Sorry

OP posts:
yellowballoons · 07/09/2013 23:21

Ok. Fair enough.
Park outside your nearest hospital? Or park outside your friends house?

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 07/09/2013 23:25

Can you call Samaritans Mess?

Original poster
Messupmum · 07/09/2013 23:29

I tried but it was a man so I hung up. Sat in hospital carpark but don't want to go in, I'd feel too stupid.

OP posts:
yellowballoons · 07/09/2013 23:33

Well done for driving there. You dont have to go in if you dont want to. I just wanted you to drive to somewhere safe. Well done.

We love you Messupmum.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 07/09/2013 23:35

I think you should either call again, maybe you will get a woman Smile. Or go into the hospital. Which one will you do? Have you eaten anything this evening?

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 07/09/2013 23:38

Yellowballoons is right. Well done for getting safely to the hospital car park Smile

Original poster
Messupmum · 07/09/2013 23:48

I couldn't remember if I had eaten anything, but don't think I have. Everything's a blur. I came home, there was noting in my car to harm myself with Sad

OP posts:
AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 08/09/2013 00:14

Can you have something to eat? Even if it's just a piece of toast?

Original poster
Messupmum · 08/09/2013 00:18

Ok I will, home now. So paranoid, feel there are people all around the house and everyone knows what I'm thinking. Please don't report these posts, I'm too scared I'm going to get taken away. I want to hide away, I'm too scared.

OP posts:
yellowballoons · 08/09/2013 00:33

No one is likely to report them. I dont think that MN do anything anyway.

[hugs]
I will pray for you.

yellowballoons · 08/09/2013 00:35

Can you lie down on the floor with a cushion and rest? With a coat to keep you warm?

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 08/09/2013 00:40

Sending you positive thoughts x

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 08/09/2013 02:32

How are you doing now? Did you have anything to eat?

Original poster
Messupmum · 08/09/2013 05:24

Been awake since 4, thought I heard phones ringing. Trying to work out what to do, but feel too numb to think straight. I haven't a clue what to do for the best.

OP posts:
pudseypie · 08/09/2013 06:09

Ring the Samaritans again now. Chances are someone else will answer now. You need to speak to someone. Thinking of you and sending you lots of positive thoughts and support. Please don't do anything to hurt yourself.

yellowballoons · 08/09/2013 07:30

I hope that you were able to get some more rest.

SugarandSpice126 · 09/09/2013 11:31

thinking of you x

Sijeunessesavait · 09/09/2013 12:19

MuM - still here and hoping you are safe x

Original poster
Messupmum · 09/09/2013 14:11

Struggling, but trying to get on with it. Irritable, anxious, tired, want to cry and have no idea what I'm doing half the time. Don't want to carry on, finding smallest tasks so stressful. Want to get into bed but its not fair on dd.

OP posts:
Sijeunessesavait · 09/09/2013 14:26

Well done for trying to get on with things even when you're struggling. Don't set yourself too many unachievable tasks - be gentle with yourself when you're feeling so tired. Hope you have spoken to your cpn now. Can you put the TV on and snuggle on the sofa with DD? You are doing so well, please stay safe x

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 09/09/2013 20:03

Yes well done Mess. Thinking of you and hoping things get better soon x

Original poster
Messupmum · 10/09/2013 09:33

Just tried to get a GP appt and ring cmht but no one is around today, I'm just sat crying when I know I've got stuff to do but I can't stop crying.

Mentioned to my friend about being entitled to free school dinners and she made me feel really ashamed. I don't want to live like this, but I don't know how to get better. Therapy has just started and I can't face the long struggle.

OP posts:
Consils · 10/09/2013 10:27

Why are you so reluctant to be an inpatient.

It might be the break that you need. I had my own room and could do more or less what I pleased, within the hospital grounds. It sounds to me as though it would give you a safe break.

My question mark key does not work by the way.

Have you showed this thread to the crisis team and or your cpn or care co-ordinator.

Would you be willing to go in if they offered you a bed. I had my own room and privacy. Do you know what your local hospital is like. In mine they had loads of occupational therapy (although I didn't use it) and a gymn.

I am fairly sure that if you told the team about the ligatures and stocks of pills then they would give you the option of an admission. They would almost certainly give you something to restore good sleep hygiene.

Is there someone who could look after your child or children for a few days to give you some rest and perspective.

What medication are you on.

Consils · 10/09/2013 10:36

pm me if you want to talk about what it is like in hospital. (It is not really like a hospital because you don't stay in bed all day. It is more like a small modest hotel where you are monitored and given the opportunity to do things to take your mind off things. You are given a designated nurse on each shift and you can talk to him her about your thoughts and feelings.

You would see the psychiatrist on his ward round once a week or once every two weeks if you are in there for the longer term.

Plenty of people leave hospital and go on to lead happy and successful lives.

I really think you should show someone; your gp, your cpn, your crisis team or the facilitator of your group therapy this thread.

It strikes me that sometimes they target 'help' at people who just want to be left alone and then there are people like you who really need help and they just seem to miss it. It may be that you are keeping on top of the housework. They tend to go in when there is evidence of a decline in the home environment. I would urge you to share this thread if you want them to take you seriously.

With all best wishes to you and not wishing to see you struggling alone.

xx