Andes up - who needs a rock to lean on? Rock on over here!

[ThatVikRinA22]

in honour of ed and her mountain ranges.....

welcome to thread 3 - this is a support thread for anyone needing a hand to hold while they get through depression or any other mental health problems - long term or temporary. All are welcome.

linky to old thread

Checking in with an update re me - will read and reply tomorrow.

After spending the last 10 days mostly in bed, I think I am now on the road to recovery. I was in a lot of emotional pain, and so pretty depressed. BUT on the other hand, I did manage to have one bath (recorded in all its glory above), to go to the shops, to feed myself (just about, sometimes it was croissants and coffee cake and milky coffee), and to feed the cat and see to her litter tray.

Looking back on it, I think I went into survival mode to process my feelings, and I think I did a much better job than I used to, of looking after myself at the same time. The difference is that although the house is badly in need of a proper clean, I was able to let that go this time, so my head wasn't filled with the constant feeling that I should clean, on top of all the processing of emotion I was doing. Ah, the luxury of living alone (well, with DCat).

Hi everyone, I'm not new to MN,but new to MH topic.

Just wanted to say hello. I have depressive episodes every few years, I can feel all my triggers triggering atm , I am trying really hard to manage my anxiety but have put on loads of weight and am using alcohol more than I should.

Anyway, that is it, but wanted to post for a bit of solidarity.

hi catmint - that's pretty much my situation. I'm 6 months into latest episode (first episode at least 20 years ago).

I'm hunting down and trying to eradicate triggers and am starting latest round of psychotherapy tomorrow. very frustrating to have depressive episodes without an obvious cause!

welcome.

At least I knew what my trigger was this time - my DF. He is a dear sweet kind man, but when we both have AS, things can go awry. And before that it was my Ex, but it took the help of MN to realise it

It is v hard to avoid triggers - and perhaps helpful also to notice how you got through to recovery. I am lucky in that I could shut down completely - but only because I am retired, and kids are off my hands.

In the past, silly TV helped. At one time, I could only bear to watch The House Doctor - it was on at the same time, 10.30 pm, for weeks . While I was working and struggling with depression, a weekly dose of Columbo, followed by Come Dine with Me, on a Sunday afternoon just about managed to keep me going...

once the telly's on I switch off - ds brought his downstairs for the school holidays and it has massively impacted on my willingness to do anything but watch telly. you know it's bad when channel-hopping is a better use of your time than eating...

I saved up for an ipad. I am now pretty much surgically attached to it at home. My DP is being very understanding.

Have been on Easter hol for a week, back to work (love my job but it is a world of triggers) today. Beautiful sunny day here, every reason to think I will be able to get off my arse and regain some energy. Hopeful.

By the way thank you so much for the welcome, means a lot.

Hello Everyone - Glad to see some new faces (maybe i shouldnt be glad, but ah well, you knwo what i mean).

I'm still having a hard time with my mum and i have gone from feeling angry to feeling really quite sad about it. She is clearly unwell (probably mentally too if im honest with myself) and refusing to talk to me or the doctor. I can't do anymore - every time i see her i get upset, she talks to me like shit and its so hurtful. I am thinking about phoning social services but i don't know what they can do with someone who wont help themseleves.

I haven't achieved very much today, managed to take the dogs for a walk (which would have been nice if it wasn't for the drama wiht my mother!) and do a general tidy (so not really scraped the surface).

Enjoying the peace and quiet now DD back at school, but missing her too - will pick her up soon.

Vicar, how are things with you, did you make it to the stables this weekend?

Hi everybody,
I am back from the lovely Lake District. BugsBasset I said hello from you on the shores of Lake Buttermere. It was good to get away. Took me a few days to settle in, had about 3 better days with good walks (inc to top of Maiden Moor on Derwentwater for any other Lakes fans) and my brother and his wife were gentle company.

It's hard being home though. The house is a mess and I have a list of stuff that really does need to happen this week - eg summer dress for DD, swimming cossie for school swim lessons, plan birthday party for DS etc etc... and I have zero motivation Also starting to wonder if I have seriously fallen out of love with DH. He's changed a lot over recent years, taking up new hobbies inc astromony and philosophy (so not my type of things) and last years depression and CBT has changed him lots more. At the moment I tend to find him massively irritating a lot of the time. I'm hoping most of that is depression...

Lucy sorry to hear about the difficulties with your mum - I know how that can really affect you, well done for taking the dogs for a walk though
Hi Catmint My DH and DCs are big ipad fans. There are worse things!
Helles, SPC I too watch a lot of TV... favs at mo are Broadchurch and The Good Wife, plus some trashy Matthew Wright Helles I hope the psychotherapy proves helpful.

Take care all x

ooh psych assessment awful - and only half done - have to go back next week for more.

describe your parents
what is your relationship with your mum like?
what is your relationship with your dad like?
what is their relationship like?
and so on for an hour!

Hmm sounds great fun my counselling assessment was a walk in the park by comparison! Good luck next week.

evening everyone.

my rep at work phoned today - on the one hand it was good news - the meeting (or case conference) is merely to make it easier for me to get back to work, no plans to discipline me apparently.
Work is apparently being done to try and secure a move for me.
but
they want me to go back before the meeting.
and no mention of dropping a shift.
if i move i may not be able to do that.

so dont quite know what to do now. Rep is coming to see me this week. They want me to go back on a phased return when my current sick note runs out. i have no idea how to walk back in.

Hb sorry you had a bad assessment
welcome to cat and spc glad you are feeling more on the road to recovery.
lucy sorry you are still grappling with your mum and problems around her.

i really do need to get back to the stables, its been a couple of weeks now. I dont want to slide back into having no motivation again...especially when i go back to work. Im trying not to think about it.

waves and hugs to everyone else

Thank you Colouring ........Ah Buttermere. The circuit of the lake is a delight . Means a lot to me you said Hi .
.

Hi vicar have been wondering how you are. If you are on a phased return, presumably you will be dropping a shift or shifts to begin with? Normally I would say talk to OH, perhaps there could be a review of the situation at various points in your return?

Am feeling much better. Although have not started on the house, and despite my improved filing, now can't find MOT cert

when I had a phased return it was 5 short days - 2 hours a day for the first week, adding an hour each week.

the first time through the door was horrendous - because I'd built it up in my head - but it wasn't as bad as I expected.

thanks

hb i have probably done the same. my short days will be 4 hours a day for a 6 day week the first week, increasing by 1 hour per day over the following weeks.

my shifts are odd - i work 6 on, but then 4 off. However nights cause me anxiety due to leaving DD alone, actually worse when DS is here as he does stupid things like set his room alight and is awake all night.....i had asked to drop one night.

no idea if thats a possibility.
i had also asked to start one hour later on days - when i start at 7 i dont sleep, knowing im up at 5.
ive no idea what the difference is psychologically but knowing im up at 5 prevents me sleeping, getting up at 6 doesnt.

anyway. looks like im expected back before anything is going to be sorted.

I'm here.

Struggling.

Pack holiday has really set me back. And now another incident with 'friend'....and I'm back to being v v shaky etc.....

Need to 'talk' but not now. Need to sleep. Back tomorrow.

we will be here egg. when you are ready.

I should wave at everyone too. Hi to the newcomers. No nap today.

Very achy. Very sore. Forgot painkillers last night. I've known about it today. I haven't eaten much today so I've takrn them on an empty stomach which is a) not good and b) giving me indigestion (I don't generally get indigestion but I was warned that my painkillers + fluoxetine coukd do this.

Need sleep. Need to post a quickie in chiksrens health first though.

So my mum has gone home today & I feel so scared. I'm anxious I won't be able to cope on my own & I'm so worried about being a bad parent that it is affecting my ability to be a parent at all. My 3yo is being adorable & it just breaks my heart that I feel like I need time away from him & his brother.

Ah MrsHels sending hugs I know just how you feel about being a good/bad parent. It's really tough. I know its easier said than done, but it is really OK to have time away from him and for yourself. Its like the whole "fix your own gasmask first" thing in planes. Can you take it hour by hour and plan an activity outside each day if possible? Hang in there.
Egg hope you're able to take it easier today - pack holiday is exhausting for anyone! Take milk before painkillers..... take care.
Hello everyone x

MrsHels i too know how you feel. I often had to explain to my LO that 'mummy is a bit sad atm'

What I used to do which helped is - telly again. We would sit and watch something together and they would talk and we would all enjoy the prog - it helps that I am childish

Hi all.

I've sunk back into bad mummy mode.

Dtd1 is off school ill...but I can't drag myself out of bed :(

We have no food...she knows this. She is giving me a plan to go shopping but I can't.

I am shaky.
I am fidgety.
I need a bath/shower
I can't take my pain meds because I haven't eaten today (and I can't stand milk).

I am firmly reattached to my duvet.

I am firmly attatched

Egg if you are anything like me a shower or bath is the priority - for me it reboots me.

My strategy for bath - run one using only hot. Drink tea or something while letting it cool a bit. Have bath. This is for if I need to take things in stages.

My strategy for shower - pay close attention till a glimmer of motivation appears (glimmer may be v dim!) Leap up, throw off nightclothes, leap into shower before I can change my mind.

Funny thing is, knowing it'll make me feel better has absolutely no motivating aspect to it, it doesn't make me want one! Getting started regardless of whether I want one or not seems the best way for me when I'm like it.

Can i crash your thread for a bit of hand holding? I made a Doctor's appointment yesterday, which isn't for two weeks, but, i'm scared already.

I'm 34 and have probably suffered with depression and anxiety since my first child was born 12 years ago. My anxiety currently has such a grip i am finding it difficult to leave the house. I do leave the house, but, i get in such a panic that my ibs flares up (i developed ibs shortly after my first child was born too) and i worry constantly that i'm going to have an accident. I only feel safe at home.

I've become a dreadful partner, an even worse Mother (have a 5 year old too) and it feels like i am just existing.