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Andes up - who needs a rock to lean on? Rock on over here!

966 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 19/03/2013 15:27

in honour of ed and her mountain ranges.....Smile

welcome to thread 3 - this is a support thread for anyone needing a hand to hold while they get through depression or any other mental health problems - long term or temporary. All are welcome.

linky to old thread

OP posts:
SnowyMouse · 02/04/2013 16:39

Hi all. Sending you all good wishes.

Lucyellensmum95 · 02/04/2013 16:49

Bleuuugghhh day today, my nerves are shot to fuck again (no apparent reason) Have taken a diazepam which is at least helping me cope with the recorder practice!!! Just really feel for DD as she is so bored and today i texted some school mums (i wont call them friends because they clearly don't include me in that subheading) to see if they wanted to meet at swingpark but they had already made arrangements to do stuff (together and hadn't asked us) so poor DD just ended up traipsing around the town while my mother did her shopping and i carried the bags - how did my life get this way?

How was your Easters? Mine was OK but would have been much better if the weather better

ColouringInQueen · 02/04/2013 20:09

Hi everyone,
sorry to hear people are having a tough time, poor Egg really hope your neck starts improving soon.
Hi snowy thanks for dropping in.
SPC sounds hard re: parents, hope you manage to survive the 'burbs a few more days - when are you home?
Lucy feeling for you - know exactly what you mean about other school mums making plans without you [buhmm] I think diazepam would be useful for recorder practice at the best of times. Hang in there.

I've had a tough day today. Longstanding arrangement to meet BIL, SIL, cousins at a farm park type place. Did OK til about 2... Home 6.30, now knackered with splitting headache. Tomorrow I need to co-ordinate (at very least) packing for 10 days away. Based on today am feeling pretty apprehensive about holiday! Good grief this is all feeling a bit endless at the mo.

Lucy I know what you mean about your nerves - where does it come from? All through yesterday my anxiety kept building and nearly had panic attack in eve if it hadn't been for yoga breathing... couldn't get to sleep last night so tiredness hasnt helped today.

Take care everyone x

EggwiniasRevenge · 03/04/2013 00:40

Evening all. Waves at snowy lucy and everyone else.

Dull day for me.

Didn't wake until 11am. I've no idea how long dd3 had been up entertainung herself.
Dtd2s school ipad had locked out. Spent lot of time hunched over my laptop goigling solutions...so you've guessed it I'm suffering again.

Dds have been bored out of their minds. Very neglected as far as entertaining is concerned (they are fully fed, watered clothed etc.).

House is a tip. 'Friend' has invited strangers in my home tomorrow evening so need to tidy. Need to buy some decent food and supplies cos tge freezer is running empty.

I know what you mean about feeling nervy. I am definitely worse a day or 2 after missing my meds. But do you know what I've only just realised my permanent low level tremor has just about disappeared :) I definitely have worse days though.

I wonder where vicar is...she hasn't asked permission to go awol Hmm

Right...best get some sleep

ThatVikRinA22 · 03/04/2013 00:58

im here egg

not managing to keep up very well with thread at min so apologies to everyone.

im feeling horribly anxious. nothing very useful to say so not posted. Have had too many level 1 days and now cant snap out of it.....must get up early in morning to phone occy health (oh the joy....cant wait Sad)

DD has been taking the lap top so not managed to keep up terribly well....im still here, but at odd times.

i cant remember if im meant to be phoning occy health at 7.45 or 8.45....

no one has been in touch at all. its bothering me. feels like something big has happened - but im not in the loop. i think decisions have been made that im not privy to.

i need to do several things that i havent the energy to do.....

OP posts:
EggwiniasRevenge · 03/04/2013 01:02

Hugs vicar.

I'm not keeping up brilliantly either. But today seems to have been a slow day.

I think I'm on my 3rd level 1.5day. Need to shower and dress tomirrow though.

So what do you need to do? Maybe we can motivate you?

ThatVikRinA22 · 03/04/2013 01:30

i need to pay my credit card which i am late with
i need to pay my next account which i am late with
i need to phone O2 and get a sim only deal (at min i am paying for 600 mins that i never ever use)
i need to phone the police federation and arrange for someone to attend case conference with me
i need to wash my suit and find a decent top to wear for interview next week
i need to attempt to look at what this job interview might entail.

tomorrow i need to get up early and phone occupational health.

none of which i can be arsed with.
then im at dentist tomorrow.

i have bizarrely managed to find the motivation to use self tan....Confused

i also need to find some stuff that ive lost that belonged to my dsis....nothing major. but is bugging me.

i feel a bit detached from reality again....feel odd.
best get to bed. not managing to get up very well at min - and late nights are probably why.
that and the coffee....

OP posts:
EggwiniasRevenge · 03/04/2013 01:42

Oh vicar. I didn't need to read to the end to sense that you are feeling detatched.

Make it an objective to have ticked 2 things off before you go to the dentist.

While you out at the dentist head into the nearest o2 shop and sort it face to face. Bizarrely despite my poor social interaction at the mo I do find these things easier....or at least I feel more comitment to do them face to face.

Hoping its just a blip. Hoping its a very short blip.

More huge hugs coming your way.

Night all.

MrsHelsBels74 · 03/04/2013 08:37

I'm here, finally. Been posting a while on this board but not found this thread before.

Have changed meds & don't really even know how I feel. I feel like I've swapped despair for misery/numbness & can't decide if that's a change for the better or not. Luckily I'm seeing my GP today. Not been sleeping well either.

I'm really impatient with my 3yo & know he deserves better. Sometimes my 6mo is grinning & cooing at me & I just feel bored, or nothing at all. I hate it. I feel like a terrible mother. I just want to run away.

ThatVikRinA22 · 03/04/2013 10:23

morning....

now im really confused.....mrshelsbels74 hi! - just confirm that you are a different poster to the other hellesbelles396 because my head is fuzzy and im confused....it doesnt take much these days. (Im sorry to read that you are suffering. Good luck at GP.)

i rang OH.
im going to go get in shower in a min - i knew there was method to the madness of using self tan....means i have to shower or look very silly

need to phone DS - looks like him and his girlfriend have split up. She has sent a parcel to my address returning xmas presents/valentines and cards....

thanks for the hugs egg....appreciated.

I wish i knew what to think about work....i could do to go back to test the water and see if its the job or me, want to get case conference over with as the thought of that looming is making me anxious.

just need to get interview over with on monday. that might give me a bit better focus.

right. best hit the shower....

will tackle the other things on my list later.

hope everyone else is ok....

OP posts:
TheSilveryPussycat · 03/04/2013 10:34

Posting just to say hi and to give vicar a special hug. Clothes at Level 3 ready to travel home later today, number of brain cells currently activated = approx. 10 - complete zombie state, but journey is by train so this shouldn't be too much of a problem...

MrsHelsBels74 · 03/04/2013 10:36

Yes I'm only me, I know nothing of the other HellsBelles (I thought I was the only one Confused)

EggwiniasRevenge · 03/04/2013 11:09

Yay we have a hels who doesn't drag us out of bed :o

Morning all. Still in bed but I have been taxing dd3s brain cells with some times tables challenges.

Well done vicar for doing occy health. Big hurdle out of the way :).
Well done silvery I'm sure you'll feel much more coherent when you get back to your own turf.

Back down to earth with a bump. Normally pay my credit card off in full...but I haven't for the last few months...the balance is a bit of a shocker...

TheSilveryPussycat · 03/04/2013 11:19

'I'm Spartacus Hel(le)sBel(le)s' - 'No. I'm Hel(le)sBel(le)s' - 'No. I'm Hel(le)sBel(le)s' ...

Lucyellensmum95 · 03/04/2013 11:30

Hello everyone xxxx
Vicar - well done for making that phone call. I hope that you get some resolution soon. That is one hurdle out of the way.

I'm fretting about money again - i thought i would feel better with it being the easter holidays as the pressure would be off for finding a job as DD is home but im so paranoid about spending any money that I can't seem to do anything with her. I had to buy electric this morning and spent £8 in iceland on teabags, biscuits and some soup Hmm I felt sick when i handed the money over and wanted to put everything back - it comes to something when you fret over buying a packet of chocolate biscuitss Confused We are not even that broke (well by our standards!)

I think i am on about level 1 really. DD wants lazy day today which i welcome. I need a bath and my hair is greasy, i had to go to the shops and quite frankly i look like scary mary - i also need to dye it, i have 2" roots so my hair looks greasy even when its clean. I want to dye it a darker colour so the roots not so prominant but its gone that horrid brassy orange colour (ugghh) so if i dye it light brown it will just go orange im sure - feck.

Colouringinqueen - i totally get the anxiety building during the day thing, usually by about 6 I am like a coiled spring. Although I have already shouted at DD today :( Where are you going on holiday? Am Envy but i know what you mean about the fretting, i find it so stressful - last year Insisted we leave at 4am for a 2 hours journey to catch the IOW ferry at 2pm!!! I kid you not - i made the mistake of booking the holiday on the weekend of the IOW festival and all the delays etc, fried my head. I also never believe im going until we actually go - we are not going on holiday this year i dont think and i almost feel better for that Hmm Once I am there though, its great.

Hiya MrsHels - Sorry you are having a crap time. You are not a crap mum - you know it sometimes feels like the law that we are filled with joy and love when we look at our kids, but they are exhausting, demanding little packages sometimes and it can feel thankless can't it.

HellesBelles396 · 03/04/2013 11:58

I've managed one gym session and half an hour of Pilates since being ordered to exercise - boo hiss! but will gym it this afternoon (after my mcD's)

v exciting to have an almostname-twin! who, I am sure, is a much better mum than she thinks - my experience is that hose who think of themselves as good mums tend no to be. so the converse must be true.

vicar just tick off a few at a time. it might be worth prioritising their urgency.

Lucyellensmum95 · 03/04/2013 12:52

I totally agree Hellesbelles - I see it so many times when mums are struggling and describe themselves as shit mothers, they are usually the best ones because they give a shit!

ColouringInQueen · 03/04/2013 14:24

Hi everyone, MrsHels glad you found your way here, Helles really hoping you're right about the mother thing - I am feeling bad today cos my daughter wants to "help me pack to make me happy cos I look very grumpy" Sad. I now have a sore eye too!
Thanks Lucy am Smile re: yr 4am start, but then IoW festival - I'd probably have gone down the night before Wink
Trying to finish holiday list and delegate achievable things to DD so I don't loose it with her. We're supposed to be leaving tomorrow at 11 Hmm
Vicar well done for phone call, fake tan and shower, hope you have a better afternoon.
Hello to SPC and Egg.
Off to Excel spreadsheetland.... x

Lucyellensmum95 · 03/04/2013 14:54

We got there at 7.30am Blush Enjoy your holiday x

MillyMollyMandy78 · 03/04/2013 18:52

Just popped back on here to say hi! Got back from my parents yesterday. Last few days things just kept deteriorating with my mum, and she was sectioned last night under the Mental Health Act. Tbh it comes as a relief in some ways, as was much needed and this way pressure is taken off my dad. We were all so worried about him. Anyway will get back to normality over next few days and catch up with this thread before checking in properly with you all. Hope you all had a nice few days x

ColouringInQueen · 03/04/2013 19:52

Hi Milly, sorry to hear your mum's been so poorly, but sounds like the best decision for all the family. How are you doing after such a demanding few days - OK I hope. Brain full here, am going to watch some mindless TV...
take care all x

ThatVikRinA22 · 03/04/2013 20:17

evening everyone.

milly sorry to read that about your mum, i hope she starts to feel better soon.

a to everyone else.

im feeling so deflated tonight. Sad
reality is setting in, i called O health but didnt feel reassured.
So i rang my "union" rep. Its at this point ive realised what ive done.

Sounds like the case conference could be in order to slap me with the unsatisfactory attendance procedures.....i could be wrong but it could be a numbers game.

i am really worried. I hope so much i get somewhere with the interview next week.
I dont have a disability in terms of the equality act. Any disability would need to be decided at employment tribunal which im just not willing to go through. id rather leave.

i think i am going to be disciplined on account of the time i have had off.
this will leave me in a difficult position if i get anything that could aggravate the reflux (with every cold i end up with a chest infection without fail) and means unless i can be office bound whilst ill to protect my sickness record i could be in real trouble.

i dont think im coming back from this absence.

OP posts:
ColouringInQueen · 03/04/2013 23:06

Hi Vicar really sorry to hear about your work situation. Did you speak to your union re: the Disability/equality act/attendance procedure thing? Does this unsatisfactory attendance procedure kick in after you've been off sick for a certain time period? (Even if with Doc sick notes? Sorry if this isn't helpful. I'm really cross on your behalf! If you want to at least voice your position at this stage (completely understand why you wouldn't want to go down the employment tribunal route) is that something your union rep could help with?
Feeling like an outraged from Tunbridge Wells type woman.

Whilst you may be feeling deflated tonight, try and keep in your head how much your threads here have helped lots of people - like me. On top of the posters I'm willing to bet there's a lot of lurkers, and reading about you and the earlier thread members has been extremely helpful in many ways. Mutual non-judgemental support really does show there are a lot of good-hearted people out there. Take care x

ThatVikRinA22 · 03/04/2013 23:14

thank you colouring

that means a lot to me actually.

i did speak to fed rep. nothing i have (hernia or depression) counts as a disability unless ive had it for 12 months. Anything now would need to be decided by an employment tribunal (a road i aint going down)

rep is going to try and have a word with my management and find out whats going on. i feel i could be being stitched up here. i feel so completely paranoid i almost feel bonkers saying these things, but i cant help what i feel.

yes the standard procedure is kicks in if off for a certain amount of time. i am wishing so much i hadnt gone off sick. I feel ive just made life so much more difficult for myself now i want to go back.
i dont think its going to happen personally. we'll see. trying to reserve judgement but im going to be disciplined for being depressed. thats whats coming. i am loathe to cite bullying or go with any grievance procedure. its just not me and i dont have the conviction to carry it through.

im so fed up. i feel on very very thin ice.

OP posts:
TheSilveryPussycat · 03/04/2013 23:58

I went down the grievance route while ill, I didn't want to particularly, but was going to resign and claim constructive dismissal as my terms and conditions had changed so much when I was TUPE'd from a MH charity to the Local Council. And I couldn't do that unless I'd gone down grievance route first.

Part of my grievance was that, although a risk assessment was done after I had returned to work from time off sick with work related stress, when the risk happened, no action was taken.

I didn't expect grievance to be upheld, (although thought I had a good case), and it wasn't. But by that time I had run out of energy and was deeply depressed.

So, sad to say, for people with depression it is often not even worth persuing justice, ranks close and it adds even more stress.

vicar whatever the outcome, I hope it happens soon. I found doubt and uncertainty to be v debilitating. It's like in the film Clockwise, where the John Cleese character is trying to get to somewhere and things keep going wrong, but then another way of getting there crops up but again it doesn't work - "I can cope with the disappointment. It's the hope I can't bear.'