Driving away

[Pumble]

I don't know where to post this and don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying again with my 5 week old dd2 and just know that the best thing I could do for both of my girls is to get in the car and drive. If dd2 ever goes to sleep that is what I must do. I won't be leaving them alone and it will break my heart but it's what will be best for them. They deserve so much better than the useless failure of a mother they have.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to feel less alone

I really hope you're at the GP and getting some help and support.

My mum had (undiagnosed) PND after my DBro was born when I was 2. She would shout and cry and totally overreact to things. Well, that's what she tells me. I only remember a mummy who was lovely and kind and always gave me cuddles when I wanted them and hardly ever got cross.

Your girls WILL NOT register any of this. Like you my mum didn't tell anyone how bad she was feeling because she thought we'd be taken away. She lay awake at night guilt tripping about the psychological damage she was doing to us by being so 'useless'. It was all bollocks. It was the depression making her think that and it's probably exactly the same for you.

Wishing you lots of love, support and health.

I'm so pleased Pumble! Well done for taking that first step.

Look how far you have come already since your first post!

If I didn't have a grumpy half naked boy on my lap I'd do a little dance of happiness!

I'm joining in the chorus of happy MNers, well done Team Pumble! :)

That's one major hurdle leapt successfully, I'm so so glad Mr P is with you. :)

I'm so relieved, and am going to go make myself a cuppa to celebrate! xx

Well done Pumble it took guts to tell your DH, I am glad he is on your side. Tiny steps and you will get there. We're on your side, one day in the future you'll be able to look back on your experience and support another mum who is going through it.

Well done, really feel for you, you will look back on this time soon from a much happier place and realise how unwell you have been.

I am so pleased for you Puffle, you have taken a big step in telling your husband. Now take his hand and go to the Drs, he is there for you, so please be kind to yourself and just go and see what the DR says.

I guarantee he will have seen loads of new mums like yourself and will know what to do xx

Just wondering how you are, if you made it to the GP, how you're feeling? :)

Oh well done for telling your husband. He's obviously brilliant. I hope you realise now just how much your family love and need you.

'PTSD as a result of dd2's birth' - you poor thing, no wonder you feel the way you do.

I hope you had a lovely, understanding GP to talk to this afternoon.

Thank you for all of your encouraging messages today. I am indeed very lucky to have my dh. I didn't get to the GP today, but fingers crossed we can get an appointment tomorrow as realistically I think waiting until Thursday is probably too long....

Hello Pumble. I think you should re read your posts, and see what a lovely loving Mum you are. You are not a failure, you are a fab mum who is stressed overwhelmed and knackered. The positive feedback other MNers have given you should show you that you are not a bad mum, and that sadly these feelings are quite common place. Mr Pumble sounds great, may I borrow him?
Big hugs x

Hi Pumble,

I bet you feel very tired after the huge steps you have taken today. Don't worry if you do - and I have all fingers & toes crossed for you getting an appointment for tomorrow.

" realistically I think waiting until Thursday is probably too long...."

That in itself is such a great leap forward to be realising that.

Big hugs & we all be here for you for as long as it takes !

xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi pumble you have been in my thoughts all days. Sending you love and strength.

Oh, honey, not much longer to hold on.

What have you got planned for tomorrow? and have you eaten lots of good stuff? Eating well really helped get me through the day - particularly the post lunch chocolate/sweet fix!

pumble am so pleased that you've told your DH. Just tell yourself you are one day closer to feeling back to normal. Next step is the GP appointment - get your husband to phone first thing. They should be able to fit you in given the nature of your problem. I'm sure they would consider a home visit if you feel you can't make it to the surgery.

Do you have a supportive health visitor - mine was fantastic when I had PND. She came to visit at least weekly. Any other family around who can come and keep you company during the day. My mum wasn't a huge practical support but I found having someone else in the house helped ease the panic.

Will be thinking of you

Not sure I'll make it to gp tomorrow. The thought of trying to get myself, dd1 and dd2 down there fills me with dread. This isn't helped by dd2 being so unsettled so probably in for a night of no sleep again...

Pumble can your H come to the GP with you? That way he can support you on the way there, keep an eye on your DDs whilst you speak to the GP and then praise you all the way home for taking the next big step?

So pleased to hear the progress you've made so far! I hope you are able to reward yourself with a nice at least.

So proud of you!

And Mr Pumble is a complete star too.

You'll get there, all four of you. Together.

Dh needs to be at work tomorrow and I can't think who I can get to babysit unfortunately (and I do mean the unfortunately bit).

I did come to bed but dd2 then insisted on being fed! She's feeding now. The problem is I feel dh can't do much overnight as je has to get up at 5:15 every day for work so needs some sleep.

I don't think I'm in your area otherwise I'd say drop off DDs and go. Any MN-ers around?

Where are you Pumble?

Am in bucks. I don't think I'm going to have the energy. Dd2 still screaming. I just don't understand why feeding doesn't calm her, even for a bit. I just feel I'm failing her even more when even feeding doesn't help her