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Original poster

Driving away

999 replies

Pumble · 28/12/2012 00:52

I don't know where to post this and don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying again with my 5 week old dd2 and just know that the best thing I could do for both of my girls is to get in the car and drive. If dd2 ever goes to sleep that is what I must do. I won't be leaving them alone and it will break my heart but it's what will be best for them. They deserve so much better than the useless failure of a mother they have.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to feel less alone

OP posts:
Original poster
Pumble · 07/01/2013 06:30

I sent him a text saying I'd sent him an email and sent it to his work email address too so he should check it on the train. What if he thinks I'm being stupid or selfish for feeling like this? What if he thinks I'm a failure?

OP posts:
schroedingersdodo · 07/01/2013 06:35

good to see you're getting help.

I just want to say I felt like you a couple of weeks ago (DS2 is 8 weeks). That I couldn't do anything right and that people and DC would be better off without me. DS1 was wiping my tears.

It was the depression talking.

I don't feel like that anymore. Because none of that was true.

I'm sure once you get help you'll get much better and you will, like me, see that you're not a failure at all. It's so normal to feel crap sometimes, don't be hard on yourself...

LoopsInHoops · 07/01/2013 06:36

Love, he won't think those things. To be honest, he will probably be relieved that you've finally opened up to him and admitted there's a problem - he will have seen it himself and not known how to help.

Well done for the text. I really hope he comes home at the next train stop.

Mr Pumble, your lovely wife is relying on you. Please hurry home to help her. She loves you and your girls very much. :)

TanteRose · 07/01/2013 06:36

he won't think you are failure, he will think you are brave for letting him know

you gave birth in traumatic circumstances only 6 weeks ago, and you have been caring for both of the girls over the stressful Xmas period. You are a bit of a wonderwoman, really!

He will be there for you - that is the wonderful thing about having a partner- you can be a team.

Go Team Pumble Smile

HecatePropolos · 07/01/2013 06:41

If he does, then he's an arse of the highest order and frankly doesn't deserve you! Anyone can see that you are in pain and struggling and you need him so much. He needs to be there for you, because you really need him. And that's what you do when someone you love needs you so much - you drop everything and you give them what they need.

You need help. You need to see the doctor and get the help that you need.

You have daughters? Imagine one of them was going through this. What would you want them to do? Struggle alone, hiding their pain? Or shout out for help and get better?

You don't deserve any less than your children. And you deserve to be helped for you, for your husband and for your children.

Please. I've been there. I have hidden depression (I had psychosis after my first son was born, thought he had died, thought he was a demon... it was horrible.) I hid it from all professionals, because I was scared. Although I was able to tell my husband. But he did the worst thing - he helped me hide it, cos he was scared too.

Don't make my mistakes. Please. Get the help you need and are entitled to.

If you had broken your leg, you wouldn't hide it,would you? you'd go and get a cast.

If you had a chest infection, you'd go for antibiotics.

This is NO different. It's just a different part of you that has suffered an injury and needs help to recover.

noteventhebestdrummer · 07/01/2013 07:03

It will be OK.

One thing I realised really early with my sons was that I could teach them that when things are tough then they need to ask for help. This seemed to be a very important lesson!

It came about in truly awful circumstance when I had to explain why a friend of ours had died - my little sons could not understand how anyone could be so sad as to want to die (the friend committed suicide) - and almost by chance (partly because I was so angry) I said that our friend should have asked for help and KEPT asking, that if the first person he asked could not help then he needed to ask another and another until he found someone who could.

This was such a mega life lesson! It helped with trouble with nasty kids they met at school, it helped with a bullying choir master (later jailed Sad), it helped in a thousand trivial situations in their childhoods and adult lives.

Teach your girls this too?

TanteRose · 07/01/2013 07:05

Pumble, is your DH on his way home?

Original poster
Pumble · 07/01/2013 07:12

He's back and being lovely. He also says he can't believe how supportive you are all being, something I agree with.

He's just got to get me to the doctors now which may be easier said than done but surely telling him was a good step?

OP posts:
noteventhebestdrummer · 07/01/2013 07:13

Yay! Go Pumble's DH! You're great!

HecatePropolos · 07/01/2013 07:15

It was a good step. He needed to know how you felt in order to help you.

Now you have to let him help you.

TanteRose · 07/01/2013 07:18

Grin hurray, Mr Pumble!

Team Pumble are GO!

now for that doc's appointment...

you can do it, pumble - you MUST do it for your girls

AndFanjoWasHisNameO · 07/01/2013 07:19

Telling Mr Pumble is the biggest step.....and you did it Smile the GP will be a piece of cake. Well done lovely. I know you don't feel it but its clear what a wonderful mummy you are. Your girls are lucky, seriously xx

TanteRose · 07/01/2013 07:19

also, please get your mum back on board - she will understand why you felt you needed to push her away.

she will want to help too

GrannyRatOnAScooter · 07/01/2013 07:22

Very well done Pumble so pleased for you. This is a massive step in trying to help yourself.

BistoBearWithBaublesOn · 07/01/2013 07:40

Well done Pumble, telling your husband is the first step :) You are not alone :)

MrsHelsBels74 · 07/01/2013 07:47

I'm so pleased you have told your husband. I'm sure he's relieved that you've finally told him what's wrong, I'm sure he must have felt something wasn't right. Now you can get the help you need. Brilliant.

Please keep posting, and Mr Pumble please find somewhere for support also, my DH would tell you it's going to be hard work for you too. But together you'll both get there. Thanks

cq · 07/01/2013 07:49

Have just woken up and read this thread from start to finish.

Aren't husbands luffly sometimes? And now I appear to have something in my eye.

Good luck Mr & Mrs Pumble, I know you will get through this now that the first very hard step has been taken.

Sunnywithshowers · 07/01/2013 07:53

Pumble, you have just made my day with your last post. I'm so pleased. Grin I've also got something in my eye.

Mr Pumble sounds like a top bloke.

Thanks to both of you. Go Team Pumble! xxxx

Borntobeamum · 07/01/2013 08:00

Just want to sent Mr Pumble a hug too

Keep reading with us and we'll get through all this

A problem shared and all that....... X

shinyblackgrape · 07/01/2013 08:21

Oh pumble - big hugs. I have a 5 week old DS and stumbled in your thread during a night feed. I know a little bit of how you feel as I had quite a traumatic birth (not as much as yours) and couldn't establish breast feeding. I spent most of DS' first 2 weeks howling or feeling totally numb. I truly thought I was going nuts and if it wasn't for my lovely DH, my mum and dad and wonderful mumsnetters being so kind to me on my threads, I think I would have run away. I totally identify with how you are feeling.

More by accident than design, I've managed to establish expressing well so DS is being bottle fed breast milk. However, I so know that feeling of not ybeing able to settle him while he screamed hysterically. The reason being that he was starving and stupid midwives were telling me that my latch was fine and that I needed to persevere with a feeding cup to supplement him or else the would never go back on the breast. It wasn't til he was nearlyn2 weeks that he was diagnosed with a bad tongue tie by a really good lactation consultant. He's never gone back on the breast as he loves bottle feeding and that's fine with me. I just wish I'd given him a bottle much earlier as I still feel awful about those hysterical nights with us both in floods of tears when he was just hungry.

I'm so glad that you're getting help And would really second asking the doctor re reflux etc with DD. Also, Asimov not sure how you are feeding but might be worth getting DD checked for tongue tie too? It could very well be that she is hungry and once that is sorted out, she is much more content.

So pleased you are off to the doc's and fingers crossed you are feeling much brighter later b

AlienananaReflux · 07/01/2013 08:30

Oh it's such a relief to know your DH finally knows how you feel, now he's in it with you, beside you, as it should be. You are not alone, if he tells them its an emergency, they should get you in today. Best of luck love xx

magimedi88 · 07/01/2013 09:55

Pumble, I'm crying as I type this - I'm just so happy & relieved that your DH knows about this now. You have really made my Monday - I can't begin to tell you how happy I am.

I know we all said 'lttle steps' but you've just taken a giant leap - well done, sweetie.

Big hug & to Mr Pumble too for being such a great guy & coming straight home to you.

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 07/01/2013 10:02

I am crying here. Mr Pumble, look after her or you have all of us to answer to! Grin I'm so glad you did that Pumble. The only way is up!

everlong · 07/01/2013 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoopsInHoops · 07/01/2013 11:10

:)