Emetophobia - my worst nightmare

[zonedout]

Ds1 goes to a school set on several different sites. Today one of the sites has been closed for deep cleaning due to norovirus wiping out hundreds of children this week. There are loads of siblings in ds1's building/class and 8 of his classmates were off today.

I am a single parent (really outing myself here!) and terrified of what feels completely inevitable right now. I was awake all night last night, waiting. Shall be doing the same again tonight.

You know, I feel like I have improved a lot with my emetophobia recently. I am no longer worried about the odd v. It's the awful, debilitating violence of noro that terrifies the life out of me.

The waiting is utter torture

badvoc are you not i the uk?
mine was done through referral from gp

gah,wasnt ready to post...

so i dont have to pay for it

badvoc I already quarantine myself and DD for the week pre christmas so it doesn't sound crazy at all! I can't pin point an age or experience that started this though, it just sort of crept up on me. I can remember around aged 5 - 7 being Ok and I can remember age 13 for sure having emet tendencies, but I can't think it happened suddenly or one obvious thing that started it.

I'm at pains to pay for therapy if it may not work, I spent alot on a therapist a few years ago and, yes, it did help to an extent, but didn't get close to curing me. I had CBT last year on the NHS but tbh it didn't help me at all much. I'm not sure if that's as the therapy was so limited to number of sessions or because I felt like he just didn't 'get' me or because I was suffering undiagnosed PND at the time or maybe CBT just won't work for me . I wouldn't mind spending money if I knew it would work but having tried CBT, hypnosis and human givens approach of therapy, none of which have greatly helped my overall phobia even if it has helped some day to day coping, so I feel a bit jaded and negative that I'll ever behave 'normally'

zoo you're doing well getting through it. Does it get easier as the DC get older and know they feel sick and can tell you? I keep hoping that will be easier as they might be able to sort themselves out when they're sick IYKWIM. I'd be exactly the same as you FWIW.

Re: eating, I think I have an unusual emet tendency as I tend to overeat - my logic is if I keep eating then I can't be ill as if I were ill I wouldn't be able to eat . I also panic about feeling low blood sugar nausea so eat to stave off that. I put on 5 stone when pg and bfing just through trying to help blood sugar nausea . This year have lost 3.5 stone of that, but I'm still some way to go. I was nearly sick a couple of months ago, think it was just hormones and stress (didn't know that at the time though) and I didn't eat for 2 days afterwards even though I felt OK, I was too scared incase it made me sick, which made me iller for longer as I felt so rough from not eating, so do know where you're coming from with that and it is really hard.

On the good things to eat in addition to probiotics, I hear good things of manuka honey so ahve been eating that every day and also apparently red grape juice has something in it which can help fight of tummy bugs, must stock up on that!

Iv'e just been offered a new job yippee mine was about to go (cafe going under) but it's a nursery. It's in the kitchen not around the children but all I can think of is the bugs going around. I need to take it otherwise in a couple of weeks I'll be signing on but I'm genuinely thinking signing on might be better then working with kids.

Ineed...many congrats.
I can totally see where you are coming from...I have just applied for a job in a switchboard at a - wait for it!- hospital! :)
I must be insane :)
I think for all of us it's the thought of being ill isn't it? I know when I have actually been sick in the past few years I am only sick once (but that's because I restrict food intake if anyone else is ill) it's the runs that last and are rally debilitating ime.
I am getting increasingly angry at myself about this. I am 40 years old. Life is too short for this crap :(
Although I have to say I am sorry there are so many of us suffering, it really helps to know I am not alone x

You will be fine n the kitchen don't fret ! It is the nursery staff who will be dealing with any child that is sick not you. Just keep your hand washing up and maybe some wet wipes to use before eating. I get a bit paranoid at bugs on tap handles !

in need i dont have the answer to that quandry

could you give it a go and if you find makes your emet work sign on to sick for a bit?

reastiei dont drink friuit juice but hope just ating the actually grapes

Zoo...I am the in the uk.
But I am so ashamed of this I will not see my gp.
No one knows.
No one.
Except you guys.
Not even dh.
I am that good at pretending everything is fine.

Zoo...I think food wise little and often is best.
You don't what to do hypoglycaemic.
What about a slice of toast and then for supper a banana or apple without the peel?

santa re your sister,school rang and her son has had an achy joint,sore throat exhaustion bug-he wasnt sick and i beleive it was what i had a few weeks ago when helped out at school.i felt very sick for about 12 hours then just exhaust in pain and tire so hope that gives you some comfort,also dp hasnt been sick with it.x

Ds1 is aware but ds2 was just sick everywhere with no warning.
Yours kids sound amazing zoo!

inneed I agree with kerstina - remember tummy bugs aren't passed through the air, they are only passed via touch, and I imagine you hopefully won't touch too many of the little 'uns, you'll just be cooking and washing up for them (??). You can wear gloves (and not look like you're a bit mental as to why you're wearing gloves given you're washing up) to protect your hands and just don't touch your face if possible. Plus, if you work in the kitchens you shouldn't be able to work unless you have been sick free for 48 hours after you may have been ill, so you shouldn't encounter any direct work colluegues in for work who are contagious. I used to work in the food industry and was thinking yesterday how at least when I worked there there wasn't the contagion worry in the same way as no one was allowed to work if they were sick until 2 days after they were better. One of the few perks of working there! It's funny how so many of us pick 'risky' jobs given our anxiety though, shows how strong we can be and how we're not letting it beat us.

Btw kerstina I'm the same with tap handles! Also with the bit you press to get soap out of dispensers which, let's face it, must never get cleaned! And don't get me started on door handles...

zoo interesting your DD has denial - i used to do that too. I thought if I didn't go to the loo when I felt sick it meant I wouldn't be sick as by accepting it could actually happen it would make it happen

xposted - Bad I didn't tell my DH until after we were married I felt ashamed. I don't even know why as we can't help it. I'm glad we've found each other here as it does make you feel a bit less crazy that other people think and behave the same.

Does anyone here use anti emetics when they feel sick out of interest?

I did recently when dc had a sick bug as the nausea was horrendous?
Not sure if they helped or not tbh.
And could they prevent bug sickness anyway.....?

Badvoc it really is the thought of it. I found the last few times I was sick (at least 2 more 3) it wasn't that bad, it wasn't nice but wasn't as bad as I think it's going to be.

I get paranoid of tap handles to!

Zoo your children are very good with being sick. I get 2am wake up calls of barf in their beds.

I am going to take job and stay away from any children as much as possible.

(2 or 3 years ago)

Yes, it's the fear if the unknown I think.
And the lack of control of course!
My poor sis had to rush home from the school run to be ill :(
I was hoping having kids would desensitise me to a point but it hasn't.
If anything it's worse!
Another thing that is strange is that most of not all emetophobes are very very rarely ill. Like decades between episodes of vomiting.
Maybe that's the crux of the matter.
If we were ill more often we would be less anxious about it?
Am babbling now......:)

Reastie - I have those dettol non touch hand soap dispensers for that reason!
I thought noro was airborne??
(Desperately hopes she is wrong!)

kerstine/reastie i have those taps you can turn on with your elbows in bathroom and invested in seperate carex for me to the dcs.thy have the motion detecting one that you wave hand under and it dispenses

badvoc ine had this for as long as i can rememeber and for at least 30years have battled the ocd that accompanies it but only in the last 12 months have i been ready to tackle it and "come out"

i reached a point i know im wasting my life,and precious times with my kids coz im so phobic,but the thing that pushed me out of my denail re impact on others was watching dd2 leapt out of bed and onto a chest of drawers panic stricken 2 years ago that little zoo was being sick in her bed,right next to hers>
dp went totally ballistic and i agreed i would seek out help
the wait was long and i saw amental health support worker at our local childrens centre while i waited for the appointment.im very lucky my psychologist is amazingly patient and since the june "incident" when he rang me every day and i bared my soul how i felt i feel he has really bent over backwards to help me put in coping stratergies and try to move things along all the time

Is anyone like me in that I don't really want to "let go" of my phobia altogether as I feel it has prevented me being ill in the past if you see what I mean?
If I was not so neurotic about hands being clean I think I would have had tummy bugs especially as I am a Nursery nurse (just do voluntary work at mo)
My phobia can cause a lot of anxiety but I would rather live with that than be sick iyswim?

badvoc my therapist says if i was actually sick id realise its horrible but not the end of the world

sadly im not in a place where i will even entertain such a notion at the moment!

like i sadi if i really thought i was going to be id slash my own throat

in needhats off to your bravery!

Zoo...you are seeking help and that has to be a positive thing, for you and your dc x
I actually almost stuck my fingers down my throat a few weeks ago (sorry if tmi) the nausea was just so horrendous and I just wanted it to over and to get in with things.
I was like it for a week...eating tiny amounts, taking a sick bowl with me everywhere I went.
It was awful.
I hardly slept due to dreadful nausea.
Awful.
Logically I know that actually being sick is not as bad as that, but it's hard....

zoo that's really interesting. What sort of therapy do you have? Is it like counselling or more like CBT strategies? Is it limited or are they happy to see you until you can manage things better? My experience of NHS CBT was to be told I could have 6 session (up to 12 for very servere cases) and I was very lucky to get that. I resisted therapy probably becasue I didn't feel strong or able enough to do it, and, at the crux of it, I just didn't trust my therapist that it would cure me or make me better. He talked to me about going to visit hospital wards where they had stomach bugs as part of my therapy and I just found it too overwhelming and scary.

My logic is, re: having to be sick to make it better, that people have defecation phobia (yes, it's true, I didn't know until I read online). So, the logic that you would ahve to be sick to be cured is flawed as if that was the case there wouldn't be such a thing as defecation phobia as obviously you have to poo! Also, those of you that have been sick in recent years theoretically should then be fine now, and I imagine you wouldn't be here if you were. My past 2 therapists took the stance I had to be sick to get over it, and having since done research I've found out that's not always a great way to skew therapy for this type of phobia.

Re: anti emetics, I've taken then when I've worried I've got a tummy bug as I can't take the worry I might be sick. They don't help the nausea but would help stop you being sick, but, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not if you have a tummy bug as I'm not sure if you need to be to get it out of your system IYKWIM. It's always worried me as I'm not sure I could get through it without taking anti emetics for security.

Re: this non touch dettol - I'm not so worried at home as we don't have many people visit us at our house and I clean the soap dispenser, but it's when you use public loos and have to touch the hand soap dispenser I hate it

Did anyone watch Derren Brown last week? Food for thought re: placebo.

dcs are baying for something to eat-i should be pleased but im afraid as i start feeding them normally again it will all kick off again and dp is very angry with me and i shall have to handle it alone

todays plan is to give them some rice cakesin a mo then tonight try a roll with a smear of sunflower spread and a banana,couple biscuits if still hungry...
tomorrow im telling myself firmlyand trying to make myself listen and do
its time to give them some other things to eat-i figured a bit marmite in a samdwich at lunch and some baked crisps with a banana and for dinner some boiled rice with carrots?

also sat is the day all be well i have to let them come down and deep clean the bedrooms

will pop back 4ish to see how everyone is

kerstina xposted but yes to worried about letting go. I said this to an old therapist and she looked at me like I was mental but I think that way too, like all my behaviours and mental worry to not be sick actually stops me being sick. A bit like I was petrified of giving birth (was scared of it making me sick!) and hato have an induction for various reasons. Anyway, 5 days in hospital of being induced and nothing, not a single bit of dilation. I had to have a csec. I'm convinced it was as mentally I was not ready to let go and give birth and so my body stopped it from happening