If a car ran over your foot...

[DrasticMeasures]

it would damage it, wouldn't it? What might happen?

I've left. I didn't know what else to do. It seemed like the safest option. I put DC & dog in car & left. I should go back tomorrow but I don't want to. Going home is making me feel sick but DC should be at school.

I spoke to the crisis team yesterday afternoon & told them I felt unsafe. She just said to up my meds & keep going to work & call back at the end of next week. If I go home I'm scared I will hurt myself.

You've left home? Where have you gone? Have you told your DP where you've gone?

Look, you obviously don't want to go to work - why does everyone keep telling you to go to work? I can't believe they keep telling you to carry on since it seems to be the biggest anxiety-inducer in you at the moment. You really need to break this cycle. Either you are surrounded by the biggest bunch of MH incompetents, or you're not telling them the whole truth.

Take some time off work, even if it's unpaid or something - you have to get this sorted!

I am telling them the truth. I've told them when I was suicidal, I've told them I feel unsafe & I'm scared. DP has told them what I've done to myself. He was cross with what the crisis team said to me yesterday. I don't understand why no-one will help me. Noone knows where I am. I can't stay away forever but I can't go back.

I don't know what to do.

Well at least let your DP know where you are, please! Disappearing off the radar with your DC isn't going to help your cause any, especially if their father finds out you've done it, surely?

Go to A and E. What is it about home that is making you feel unsafe? Your dp needs to go with you to A and E and fight your corner.

DP knows I'm safe. I'm a long way from home with DC so can't go to a&e. I don't need to be admitted, I just need someone to listen & give me some time & help me. I don't know why I feel unsafe at home - I think because there's all the pressures of life & work.

Take dc back, what you are doing isn't fair to them or your dp, sorry but it isn't. Go home and go to A and E with your dp and refuse to budge til you get help.

Are you ok this morning drastic?

I know it's not fair. Dc young enough to not realise anything is wrong & enjoying 'adventure' - playing on beach, exploring caves, visiting new places etc. I know we can't keep on running but I'm safer away.

DP wants me home.

I didn't sleep well & although I feel ok here, I am very anxious about what happens next. I just want someone to take me seriously.

You need to go home or to A and E now, running away will solve nothing and potentially makes things a lot worse. Go home and talk to your dp. THIS is a crisis now.

What would being taken seriously look like? What would you like people to do?

I'm home. Duty psych called me & threatened to report me as a missing person. Am seeing her tomorrow. Thank you all.

That's good drastic, do you feel the psych is taking you seriously now? It sounds like it to me.

Can you speak to your dp about living together to save money so u dont need to work as much?

The on-call psychiatrist was really lovely today. He listened to me which was reassuring and a nice change. He talked a lot about work-life balance and said I absolutely needed time away and then to go back to work gradually - he said if I were functioning at 50% then I should only be working 50% and that it is ridiculous and dangerous to be pushing myself so much.

Work will not be thrilled but I feel very relieved. If nothing else, to be taken seriously. He said to self-certify til Tuesday then contact my GP about a sick note [nervous]

He also said that what I did was ok. Obviously I can't do it every time but in that moment it was ok - I did what I had to do to stay safe, DC had nice holiday and no harm done.

So what is the plan? Glad you feel safer.

My plan is to not work next week & not to think about it. Ideally the following week too. Then I need to negotiate with work going back with reduced hours.

In the meantime, I need to train myself to do something better when I am feeling anxious. I can call the crisis team anytime, before I get to the point of needing to hurt myself - I didn't realise I could do that. And I am to call and speak to the psych I saw today in about 10 days (he's off next week). That all feels manageable.

I've been horribly panicky today and it's all such a relief now. I am hoping that a little time will help me decide what I need and want to do and how to avoid something like this in future.

I feel much more positive - yesterday I was looking at the sharp drops off the side of the winding country roads, wishing I could drive over the edge. Today, I can see the sun shining. I know there'll be ups and downs but having someone who actually listened to me was such a help. I have big worries about seeing my GP to get a sick note but I'll worry about that on Tuesday. Now I need to have a nice weekend.

Drastic, you can't believe how much of a relief it is to hear that you've finally seen someone who is listening to you and taking your fears/anxiety seriously! so very very pleased that someone is paying attention at last. :)

Re. the sick note - can you see a different GP? You obviously have the name of the psych you saw today, can you refer the GP to phone them if necessary for confirmation, or is he going to write to them? He should write to them (difficult now if he's off for a week) just to say he's seen you and what he's recommended in terms of your work but I don't know if that's normal practice in the UK.

I'm also very relieved to hear that you've been given more info about when it is appropriate to call the crisis team and I really hope you follow through on that advice in future. I'm sure your DP is also very happy to have you back and feeling like you have actually had some proper help at last.

Keep posting whenever you need to, we're still here for you as well. x

Drastic, I'm so glad you're feeling better. I know it can be really hard to find someone who'll really take you and your feelings seriously, and how shit it makes you feel to be ignored (all the doctors I spoke to basically said I was fine until I was planning suicide).

If it happens again try to remind yourself you have been listened to before and you will find someone who understands again, and in the meantime there'll always be someone on here.

I may be completely wrong but from the way you talk about self-harm feeling rational makes me wonder if you're on the wrong meds. Citalopram made me feel so disconnected from everything that life seemed pointless and dying was the sensible option Maybe something to discuss with your psychiatrist?

Hi thank goodness you've finally been able to see someone who has talked sense . I'm so pleased for you. When you go to the gp - go with the intention of not leaving until you have a sick note. But if by any chance you do have any problem then I'm sure the psych you saw will be able to contact the GP and get one sorted.
Hope you manage to get a real rest this week - and you are right. Put work and everything to do with it to the back of your mind. It's the only way to make the most of the time off.

Update:

First, thank you all for helping and supporting me through a very tough time. I'm still in a bad place but a little more stable, i think. I still feel very panicky and anxious and am fighting the urge to flee but I know the only thing I want to escape is myself and running wont help with that.

I saw a GP today - mine is on leave so I had to see someone else. The duty psychiatrist from last week had faxed his letter over to the surgery so the GP read that and was wonderfully sympathetic and said, 'look - you're obviously extememly anxious - you're clutching DP, you're hunched up, your voice is quiet and shakey. We can help by removing one of the stresses so I'll sign you off - how long do you want?' We agreed on this week and next week initially and he said to go back and see my GP then. I made an appointment to see the one I saw today since he listened, was supportive and helpful.

So, after a bad run, I've seen a lovely psychiatirst, a supportive GP and I have 2 weeks at home. Complicated somewhat by my mother coming to visit this weekend (stressful) and DC having surgery next week but at least I don't need to fret about work.

DP has been a big help this week and I have told my sister some of what has happened - not all but at least she knows I'm not in a great place and it's one less person I have to put on an act for. So, things are looking up, I think.

Good! :)

Thank God you finally found some professionals who would listen and pay attention to you, Drastic! I hope you manage to continue to see these supportive ones rather than the outright losers you were seeing before. And very glad you have been signed off again.

In the meantime, let more people help you as much as you can - you need to take this time to really try and relax however possible.

Take care of yourself but more importantly let other people take care of you too. :)

I'm so pleased you're getting the help and support you need now, Drastic! And what great luck finding a supportive GP at your surgery. Please make sure you see him instead of your crap regular doctor about this in the future.

Best of luck with your weekend (I find that reminding myself how short a weekend really is helps when my mother comes to stay), and your DCs surgery next week. I'm sure you'll manage them very well now the work thing has been parked awhile, and also now you have the support you needed.