If a car ran over your foot...

[DrasticMeasures]

it would damage it, wouldn't it? What might happen?

Some of us just have a lifelong condition and need to take medication and keep on top of it so that we get less times when we feel we aren't coping with it.

I have been diagnosed with recurrent depressive disorder, it's never eradicated and gone, but I can manage it very well. Feeling like it is insurmountable and that you are exhausted are symptoms of an episode of crisis. It isn't as bad as this all the time, it is just difficult to think positively when you are so ill.

Catastrophic thinking, where everything is just the worst it can be and you expect the worst or wish the worst would happen, this is part of it too.

Psych team can help you with it.

How are you Drastic? Have you called?

I've just put DC to bed and am sitting with a cup of tea. I think I'm going to take a sleeping tablet and deal with this in the morning. I'm not unsafe, just scared, feeling lonely and wondering about the future.

Good idea. Have a good nights sleep.

Depression can be chronic for many people, with periods of being well followed by relapses. I think it's important to recognise the signs that you are slipping so to seek help quickly rather than let it take hold.

You clearly have slipped which is why you are having the thoughts that you are. You deserve better, so please seek help.

Hi - Ive just read through quite a lot of thread. The thing that really jumps out to me is that you feel that having a break from work would really help. You talk about a lot of the pressure disappearing if you didnt have work dragging you down and that no matter how hard you work its never good enough.
From my own experience of depression I know that its often impossible to find a 'reason' but in your case it looks like there is something really obvious making you feel low,or at least making it worse. (So eg in my case i love my job but on some occasions depression/anxiety have made it impossible to do it.)
Go to the dr and get signed of for stress for a little while. it will just give you some breathing space to decide what you really want to do.
Try not to think too far in the future - just give yourself a break.
And dont even think about doing something to yourself to get time off - the last thing you need is a physical problem on top of everything else.
Youve got better before and you will do again - but you need to be kinder to yourself.
Take Care.

For you to think about tomorrow. Get to see a specialist psychiatrist and see if u can get signed off for three months from work. Use the time to plan what you can do to not go back to your job.
Ask the psychiatrist to adjust your medication.
Look into low cost counselling - see a student counsellor at a college.
Speak to your dp about living together to save costs.
Think about moving somewhere cheaper.
Consider other work/money options: temping through an agency for example.

I called MIND. The man said I obviously need to go back to work because I'm worrying about it & have no reality for my concerns because it's all imagined as I've not been there so I need to go back and it might not be as bad as I think. Don't think about hurting myself but go back to work Now I feel like I really am being stupid. I'm glad I didn't call the crisis team. I will pull myself together and go back after half-term.

I will think about other job options but, when I am less psycho, I do genuinely love it. I think I am just a little unhinged atm.

Were u honest about your thoughts of injuring yourself?

Yes, I was very honest. I said I've spent 2 plays coming up with various elaborate plans to seriously injure myself so I don't have to go to work. He laughed and said 'well don't hurt yourself. Try going back... it might not be as bad as you think. And if it is, you can be singed off.'

He has a point.

Drastic, you've hit the nail on the head there. You say when you are well you enjoy your job, but not at the moment. That there is an indicator that things aren't right for you and you are not well.

The advice sounds crap tbh. I've felt before for myself that the thought of going to work is worse than the reality but I've never been to the point of considering harming myself to avoid work or wishing myself dead. and no one should ever tell anyone to pull themselves together and go to work! Fuck, when I've been in a panic about going to work dh has told me to stay home! I think I'd kill anyone that told me to get on with it!!

What you are describing is very different to mynexperinece of stress.I do hope you call the crisis team. Don't be out off by the helplines apparent brush off. I would sincerely hope that the crisis team would take what you were saying as seriously as it is and offer support and advice.

Apologies for typos.

Oh dear that isn't good. See a psychiatrist and get some time off.

If I call them, will I be disturbing them at home?

Who?

crisis team

I doubt they'll be at home if they pick up the phone.

Tried the crisis team - they were much more supportive. No discussion of what to do, just helped me calm down for now, reminded me how to calm myself and be mindfulness. Much better. Thank you for then encouragement to phone.

Oh good.

Just checkin' in on you.

Glad to see you're trying to get some help.

drastic- you mention upthread that you feel lonely. Please look at the people commenting on this thread and realise you're not alone. Whilst they are different things you have a whole cohort of strangers checking in on you and worrying about you.

I'm so glad you've spoken to someone who will listen. Have you got a follow up with the crisis team, or an appointment with a new doctor set up? It's important that you get the worry off your back.

As for the guy who told you not to worry, he's an arse. There was a thread on here recently where people shared the ridiculous comments people had made when they were struggling with depression, and I think the guy from MIND has a place on that thread, much like the guy from Samaritans I spoke to when I was at my lowest.

Stay safe x

What a wanker that guy from Mind was! What an utter dick! I am fuming for you that he said all that utter utter bullshit to you Drastic.

I am so glad you called the crisis team and that they actually have two brain cells to rub together.

How are you feeling now?

Can just anyone call a crisis team? Do you have to be a member type thing?
Who are they, how do you contact them?

About 12 years ago I had a job, I thought i liked it, I liked the people, I used to fantasise on the way into work about being run over, and what a relief that would be and wondered how long I could be off for. In the end my hand was rather forced and I had to leave. I had several panic attacks about what I would do next, it was horrible , but I got a temping job, reassessed what I wanted to do and went for something else. It took me a whole to get a job in the field I wanted, but I have never looked back and never had thoughts of self harming not to go to work again even though my new job in some ways was harder work and more stressful. The first job really wasn't for me.

I'm not sure what I hoped to achieve with my post other than to reassure that although leaving your job may seem unfeasable at the moment, and hard in the short term. In the long run, it may be the best thing for you, but only you can assess that.