If a car ran over your foot...

[DrasticMeasures]

it would damage it, wouldn't it? What might happen?

Great news!

Would it be inappropriate to write a thank you letter to today's GP & last week's psych just to say thank you for listening and not judging & that their support has made a massive difference to my levels of anxiety & that I am truly very grateful to them?

No, it wouldn't be inappropriate at all - I think they'd be pleased to hear that they've made a positive difference in your life by being compassionate and listening to you! It will reinforce for them that they behaved in the best interests of the patient (I'm sure they'd keep doing it anyway but a bit of positive feedback is always nice :) )
The only thing I would be very wary of is saying anything negative about their colleagues - save that for a complaint to the various practice managers/ management teams when you're feeling stronger.

Soory OP haven't read all but most. Have you considered that with your plan you are actually playing with words and lying to yourself?
You said you didn't want to lie. Anyway defo not logical behaviour and really hope you seek help. If your plan cocks up, worst case scenario is major damage that is permanent.
Best wishes.

Sorry again OP have jumped pages. Well done on getting help and good luck for the future :)

Thank you. I will do a letter/ card next week when I'm feeling a bit brighter. I'm very anxious at the moment & struggling but I'm not sure why. The gloomy weather doesn't help.

I'm trying to make sense of what has happened. I don't know if I've had a breakdown or what.

Drastic - I think you've narrowly avoided one, tbh! From what you were typing, I'd go for teetering right on the brink but have been pulled back at the last second by finally having someone listen to you.

The anxiety you're feeling is quite likely chemically induced in your body - so you probably won't be able to rationalise it. Do lots of relaxing things, try to focus on doing things you enjoy for a bit and let all the "responsibility" things drift for a bit, see if that helps - and if it doesn't then make sure you talk to someone about getting your meds changed.

Thank you. It's all been so scary and exhausting. I had a good few days but have plummeted over the weekend. I sat looking at the waves wanting to walk out as far as I could and keep swimming til I could swim no more. I'm preoccupied with death and hurting myself and am covered in bruises where I've pinched myself. I'm so tired of this. So so tired.

Work want me back but have been supportive although I feel like there is pressure on me. It just makes me feel sick. I want to sleep forever and I can't.

Call the crisis team NOW.

Yes, do it NOW.

Hi Drastic, I hope you've spoken to someone who can help by now. Remember this is a real roller-coaster ride, and that unfortunately the good days are sometimes followed by the bad. Please speak to your healthcare team and sort out more support, and maybe delegate speaking to work to your DH or GP, as it seems that speaking to them is enough pressure to cause you to plummet.

You are on the upward path though, you've had a few good days and you've found a supportive doctor. Go back to him and say what you've said here. Please.

Stay safe.

I couldn't call the crisis team yesterday - DC in hospital & home today so have no time alone. I don't feel in danger, just panicky & low & sad. I don't know why. I need to go back to work next week

You don't need to go back to work next week, you need to go back to your doctor (the new one, not the regular one) and speak to him. It's not usual to feel panicky, low and sad when faced with the prospect of going to work and that implies you aren't ready for it yet.

Have you had any counselling or change in medication since you were signed off last? Maybe try to get some help during this time off to get yourself on a drug you're better suited to and doing some talking therapy.

It may be there's nothing in particular making you unhappy, sometimes depression's there just because. If you can, do whatever little things cheer you up, and don't hesitate to call the crisis team if you feel worse.

Longer term, I'd seriously consider leaving work for a few months at least. You may find everything gets easier without that hanging over you, and your mental health is worth more to your family than your wages.