If a car ran over your foot...

[DrasticMeasures]

it would damage it, wouldn't it? What might happen?

Drastic, very glad you called the crisis team and they talked PROPERLY to you. The man from MIND should be reprimanded officially for his idiotic advice - that's no way to talk to someone in your state of mind! That's bloke-down-the-pub advice and should be ignored accordingly. Am very for you.

please be assured that an injury for a stint off work is not the answer.

i had 2 months off with an injury - it just makes going back even worse.
you need to speak to someone about how you are feeling - go back to your gp pronto.

an injury really isnt the answer.
if you feel so bad about work then i think you need to take time off, but just tell your gp how you are feeling - they will sign you off for longer i am sure of it.

you then however, need to work out what next.
is it your job thats making you feel this way?
or is your feeling this way making it impossible to do your job?

either way - you need to be treated.
get yourself to a gp. a sympathetic one.

Fucking hell some people shouldn't be work for MH organisations at all!!

So pleased you called your crisis team :)

This happened to someone I know. A car ran over her foot. She has several broken bones in her foot and has been on crutches and in a cast for the last 2-3 months. Very painful and takes a long time to heal.

Rhino - you might be able to google? In my area, you can self-refer to the mental health team - could you do that?

Ophelia - that is the result I was hoping for.

I'm feeling rubbish today - so exhausted and very dizzy with Menieres Disease. Just want to curl up and die. I'm fed up of never feeling well. If it's not vertigo, it's back pain or tinnitus. Part of me wants to be with DS and watch him grow up but I'm just so very tired and have no fight left. And now I feel bad because I've made DP worry. He complains if I don't talk to him about stuff like this but when I do, he worries. I don't want anyone to waste time fretting over me. That's another reason it'd be better if I had died before.

This has now turned into one of those needy pathetic threads. I'm sorry

Drastic, it really isn't pathetic at all. MN is fabulous at giving support when needed as it clearly was here.

You really sound like you could do with a rest.

It's not a needy, pathetic thread Drastic - please stop running yourself down. Your DP is right to worry about you, I'm sure that if the tables were turned you'd be very worried about him. Please know that it gets better than this. When I was ill I was certain that life would have been easier for everyone if I didn't exist, but that is one of the very selfish parts of depression, not realising that you're important to other people and it's their choice to make you so.

Have you managed to get an appointment with a better GP yet?

Thank you all for being so lovely. I'm away til Tuesday, then DP'll be here. I'll see my GP on Thursday. He's been quite supportive and sympathetic recently so I'll see how it goes. If he's no help, I'll see about an appointment with someone else. Or I suppose I could try to see my psych or something sooner? He'll be informed that I spoke with the crisis team last night.

I've written to Mind to complain about the person I spoke with last night. I've just remembered that he also told me 'this is the problem with public sector workers - there's such a high level of sickness and absence' which wasn't helpful. I didn't mean to be unwell. I never wanted this.

Will you feel better when you are away Drastic?

I don't know but I can't feel worse. Maybe being away from the house & not being able to hoover/ do laundry will be a good thing. And I'm more likely to eat properly if we're away - we'll go out for lunch or dinner. At home I barely eat which I know doesn't help.

Yes, I definitely think being away from the general drudgery is a good thing. I hope you can enjoy the break. We will all be here for you when you get back.

That guy from Mind really is a piece of work. Unfortunately you do sometimes come across people like him who for some reason enjoy working on helplines but are too stupid to understand the training they're given. I came across a woman like that when I used to ring the Samaritans. It got the point where when I heard her voice (I used to ring them a lot) I would just hang up.

You can come across some absolutely amazing listeners too though - one woman I talked to helped me so much it was unbelievable. In one hour long conversation I went from being suicidal to the point where I was all set to go out and do it, to feeling positive enough to get up and make some dinner before DH got home. After speaking to her, any time I felt that way the first thing I did was pick up the phone and just talked to someone. It always did the trick and got me through that really really rough patch.

It's likely that you'll feel pretty shit for a while. But I'm guessing that while you're on holiday you'll at least have batches of a few hours where you feel calm and ok, good even. It sounds to me like you're turning a corner, though it might not feel that way to you.

What's on your mind at the moment?

Thank you. Hopefully things will feel easier next week. I need to put the computer away - I'm googling how to poison myself. I'm so fucking tired, I want to sleep and not wake up. And then I think about my lovely DC and how selfish I am. Everything feels like a big mess.

It's ok to have those fantasies Drastic, but you don't need to follow them through. That desire to end it is part of your illness, it's your body and mind saying "please give me a break." Could you go to bed, pull the covers over your head and give in to the tiredness for a while?

I know everything feels like a big mess, but it's not. When you're depressed your mind loses the ability to hold onto things in a coherent way - everything seems totally overwhelming and out of control and then your fear instinct kicks in and you feel like everything is going to explode. It's not. Honestly. The world is going to carry on turning. You can let it go for a while, let it look after itself, it'll still be there when you get out of bed.

I don't want to be ill. I don't want to be mentally ill. Why couldn't I stop this happening?

I know you don't. No one does. You couldn't stop it happening because no one can stop being ill, it's just part of being human. It is bloody shit though. Having that desire not to be ill is good Drastic, hold onto it.

You couldn't stop it happening as you didn't see it coming. But don't worry about that. Don't look backwards.

You couldn't stop it any more than you could stop yourself from catching a cold. Things happen.
But when they do, recognising that you need help to deal with it, and then getting that help, is the most important thing. You're getting there - now just make sure you let it all out when you see the GP and stop pretending you're coping because you're not - but they will be able to help you with correcting the chemical imbalance you are suffering from and you will start to feel better again.

And when you start to feel better again you'll realise how "not well" you really are at the moment.

Drastic you can ring the crisis team whenever you need to and they can come and re-assess your needs at home if they need to.

It is exhausting being unwell - every single thing becomes a battle. A nurse told me recently that this is hard and this will be hard and I find that quite comforting. It is normal and right to find being mentally unwell and feeling unsafe etc very hard. And it is unfair, totally and utterly unfair.

No words of wisdom but lots of sympathy.

Thank you all. I'm home now, exhausted & panicky but too tired to do anything about it. I did have a lovely time away and, more importantly, so did DC. Early night tonight and new start tomorrow.

Hold onto the fact that you were able to have a good time away. Im really pleased for you .

Thank you - very much

I've really struggled since coming home. I just want to feel peaceful. I have to go out tonight and really don't want to. I want the world to leave me alone. GP tomorrow.

Do you really have to go out tonight? Is it something that could be cancelled?
Good luck at the GP's tomorrow :)

Good luck with the GP tomorrow, Drastic (and I also second not going out if you really don't feel up to it) - please make sure you tell the GP exactly how you're feeling, rather than downplaying everything and pretending that you're coping - they can't help you properly unless you give them the right information.