I have been sectioned.

[lazyhazydaisy]

I have just got access to the internet. I am much less petrified than I was at first but definitely 0 out of ten. I have a tribunal and if that fails I think I will be here until July. I feel as though I am living in a nightmare. I have never felt so alone.

You're a great writer, Daisy, do you know that? Your account of a typical day on the ward is a masterpiece of black humour. Though I wish you hadn't actually had to go through it.

Are you still in touch with your ex, then? You must be very forbearing, after all the shit he put you through. Could he help fix the house or would that be too much to ask?

That is a tricky one, Mooncup. For 6 years he has been paying into a life insurance policy so that in the event of his death I would be up £275,000. But, in the light of his latest 'help', he may have cancelled this.

The Agatha Christie rest cure idea didn't come from nowhere. I don't want to go to a nursing home but a rather secluded country house, cut off by high tides. Of course, I wouldn't do the deed, but I could certainly get the door fixed and the door replaced. And a wonderful headstone. And one hell of a hat.

Pickles77, are you in? And, more importantly, do you have a pilot's license?

There simply MUST be some sort of palatable blue food.

I have just been looking at the blogger page on mn. I think I might try and blog my experiences there. It would be for my own benefit, just to transcribe my screeds of observations that are lying randomly in the less damp parts of my house.

One guarantee would be its extreme tedium, due to practically nothing happening, but I feel it might help me, and help me to read it back later.

I think that I will just go and dive in. I don't mind if no one reads it. I don't know anything about blogging but I don't know how else to fill the days/nights.

I think a blog is a great idea.

Im currently racking my brains trying to think of blue foods. Other than blue smarties!

I think a blog's a good idea, too. Go for it!

(I have no idea how to blog! I have read the blog part of the site but I am not much the wiser. I have set up a new gmail account because they told me that this one was already in use. I couldn't fill in the Wordpress form and I had to google what a URL was.)

I am not coping at all. I find it hard to find the energy to even cross the room. I have one hour a fortnight of a drip who won't even look at my list of practical problems. I need some sort of secretary to help me with the mounting paperwork and I don't know where or how to begin. All I think about is that hellhole.

I spoke to the team leader of the chaos team last night and she said that I had to stop ringing because they had thousands of people needing 'help'. In that case why keep me in a hellhole with less than a hundred beds for 4 months, living in fear of attack, forced to take drugs (although they were so stupid they didn't realised that they were all flushed down the loo).

I don't even have electricity in the sitting room, apart from a bedside light.

I would love to have access to enough drugs to put myself to sleep but I know I have to put my affairs in order first. I don't know where to start or what to do. The Samaritans tell me to contact the chaos team, the chaos team put the phone down on me and the police, the police are just legalised thugs.

The front door key is in the front door. I didn't even manage to put the bins out. I do not understand how humans can do this to humans. And I have just received a humungous phonebill, all desperate calls to the chaos team begging for help. Click.

There is nothing any of you can do, apart from those who have experienced similar. Those stories do help. Especially the rattle made out of a margerine pot. FGS.

www.cnwl.nhs.uk/uploads/Prevention_and_Management_of_Violence_and_Aggression.pdf

I don't know if anyone heard you and yours about police handcuffing and generally abusing 'mental' health patients, but this is the training that nurses receive which does not involve handcuffs or injuries.

Right, blogging :)

Sign into Google with your usual gmail, if this is the one you want to use for your blog.
If you want to "be" your new gmail name for blogging, sign out of Google and sign in again with the new name.
Go to blogger.com
Follow the instructions.

Blogger is not Wordpress. Wordpress is more designer, but harder to use than Blogger.

If you've got electricity, why aren't your lights working? Have they been shorted out by the rain? I'm assuming you've checked the fuse box? Flip any 'down' (off) fuse switches back up, then try the lights again.

If you can't get your house mended yet and the lights are still broken, you really ought to get yourself some cheap plug-in lamps. Making do with a couple of bedside lights will only make your depression worse.

You need daylight for physical & mental health - this is a metabolic fact, not woo. Go outdoors for twenty minutes in daylight.

Enjoy blogging :)

It's not the leaking roof, the bulbs have sort of burnt themselves into their bulbholders and I can't get them out. I have gone out at 5 to take the dog for a walk.

I was looking aroung the mumsnet blogging bit, but couldln't seem to fill in the Wordpress form. I still don't understand what a URL is. Does this mean that I need to have a website?

I'll have another look at the mn blog thing and then try blogger.com

Thanks so much!

Can't do it. Had to take a photograph but didn't want one of me so tried to take one of the dog. Smeared dogfood on screen. Dog wriggled and picture of me was not that bad but want to be anonymous.

I am going to bed. Had enough for today. Do tech at the mn bloggers' area offer help to duffers like me? I want to be called JaneMcSane. I'll try again another day.

(Not depressed by the way, suicidal. Just need to do the paperwork and order the pills from India. Cannot fucking wait)

You can't top yourself before you've done your blog. You've got so much to say, and your writing's very good. You're stressing too much about photos and Wordpress - just start a Blogger blog, no photo or website required! Once you're blogging, you can apply to be included in Mumsnet bloggers' network :)

We did it last year on toomanycuts.blogspot.co.uk/ (mumsnet badge on bottom right). See how the web address is our name (TooManyCuts) followed by blogspot.co.uk? That's a URL. Blogger sets it up for you, you tell it the name you want.

It's not light enough for your health at 5am. Can you pootle out to the back yard or sit on the steps in the afternoon for a bit?

Hope you had some sleep.

Yes Daisee, please write a blog. You are a brilliantly expressive writer and you have so much to say that needs to be said!

It sounds terrifying.

The handling officer bit might be the officer's ID number. Don't know about the one with letters & numbers. If that's your real name, you might want Mumsnet to take your post down.

Did you hear them in your house before they smashed the front door? I'm wondering if somebody else broke in the back later - you would have thought the report would say they'd gained entry, if they had.

It's really awful the way they did this, love. Didn't the silly buggers even call out to you first, before acting like you were some kind of terrorist? Shocking.

Except the fabled key was for the back door and I couldn't get in through the boarded up back door. I had to deal with the rats and the rubbish by climbing through the kitchen window until I (co-incidentally) found the back door key on a shelf under the stairs. Luckily I had kept the key they had sent me.

Any questions?

Daisy, may I ask where your partner went with all his belongings when your house was left in this state.?
It's appalling it really is.

I asked the man who I spoke to exactly how many police cars and vans and ambulances were present. I can't tell from the report but I know that they were there for four hours. I got to Alcatraz by 7pm. Does anyone who is a police officer know? Or know how much this cost, for the entertainment of the villagers?

He has his own rented cottage but he lived with me for 6 years and only went to his house to pay his cleaning lady. We paid separate council tax. I am vaguely considering telling the police that he broke in to a supposedly secured house, but every breath I take is taken as a symptom of a mental illness.