I have been sectioned.

[lazyhazydaisy]

I have just got access to the internet. I am much less petrified than I was at first but definitely 0 out of ten. I have a tribunal and if that fails I think I will be here until July. I feel as though I am living in a nightmare. I have never felt so alone.

Daisy I am so sorry you have been through this. It sounds like the whole process of sectioning peoople needs to be looked at and better training implemented.

To be fair, there was only one drip around last week and I read out the (fraudulent) claim form for DLA (worth £100 pw, non-means tested). I read it out to him very verrrrrry slowly and kept saying, 'Where do you get this from?' and all he could say was that I was very honest (ie not fraudulent) and that (said pathetically) 'I didn't write it'.

Correction. I didn't drive to the discharge meeting. The chaos team drove 45 miles to pick me up and had told me they would bring me back. But they didn't. They ordered me out of that hellhole and left me on the pavement with 4 months worth of possessions in plastic bags and a sick dog to collect. I was typing fairly quickly.

No surprise that people commit suicide after that experience. It's not 'mental illness'. How does anyone recover from that? (not that I am going to or anything, just I can see how it a natural conclusion after that).

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2168737/Did-police-handcuff-dementia-patient-Treatment-distressed-84-year-old-Alzheimers-beggars-belief-says-coroner.html

This has to stop.

This sounds like it's been such a traumatic time for you Daisy.

Well done in getting through your incarceration and starting your journey out to recover from all the shock.

Is there anything practical you can do to help put this nightmare behind you?

Thank you. I have absolutely no idea. How do you work again after that? Not exactly great for the CV. The only thing I can think of is to sell the house as quickly as I can, although the garden is a spring garden so it would be better to wait until then. I just have to accept the damage to the door. It is our family home but I will never feel safe here again. And I can't go out of the front door. A friend strummed his fingers on the kitchen table and I jumped out of my skin. I lie in bed with my hands over my buttocks in fear of being injected with drugs. I also life in fear of ever going back to that hellhole. I would rather that police just came round and gave me a straightforward beating up than return to that hellhole. No. I have no plans for the future. I honestly do not know how anyone can recover from that. When I was incarcerated I didn't dare think about the future because I was concentrating on staying sane.

The drip is coming round tomorrow and I am going to suggest that I read my prison diaries to him (only 8 volumes) in order for him to understand my reality for those 4 months. Then I will try to get my records amended.

I don't have any hope at all but I knew that after the first two weeks in that hellhole. At least John McCarthy got to present excess baggage.

At least John McCarthy knew what was happening when he was kidnapped.

I am trying to eat. And failing. Ditto bathing, but I have no hot water anyway. And I don't go out anyway, so that doesn't really matter.

And four months of dirty water in the broken washing machine. Very whiffy.

I am going to move bedrooms. I can't stand anymore lying in bed with the roof leaking into buckets and binliners all over the floor. I came home to a strange mess on the carpet. It looked like someone had vomited pasta but it was stuck to the floor. I now realise it is a forest of fungi. Every single week I begged to go home to check the house but, heigh-ho. The phone was cut off and BT had to give me a new number. The rats are totally freaking me out. I got rid of my wheelie bin because I couldn't manage to haul it up the steps in front of the house, so the rats had full rein over the four months.

And I blocked the rat holes with foam and that blocked the drains.

I'm so sorry you have had such an awful time of it, Daisy. Is there anyone who could help you sort the house out? Could you ask your drip if he has any contacts with agencies who could help?

I know that the people involved in this are only working for a living but it would be nice if they considered the effect on their victims/income streams. I am in touch with 5 other 'survivors' and all but one are more or less in the same position. I am slightly luckier because I didn't come home to a mountain of CCJs. Only two baliffs demands, one for Tesco DVDs for £20 and one from a locksmith for damage to the back door. Which, given that I am terrified by a knock on the door was pretty unhelpful. I paid the Tesco one, even though I don't have a DVD player or a TV (that works) and gave the locksmith one to the drips and told them to try and do a single useful thing.

The drip won't do anything. He just sits there and looks apologetic.

I am not sure what the drip is for. Nothing practical, that much I know.

oh lazy :(

do you have any friends who can come and help you sort the house out at all?

is there some kind of organisation who can help with this type of practical stuff??

I am scared of my dreams. I am always dreaming I am back in that place, being alternatively patronised and bullied. Always in fear. I don't know how I coped in there.

Don't have a lot to say but wanted to bump for you.

Do you have access to anything support wise atm? How are you doing income wise?

I am trying to transcribe my prison diaries for myself. That is practically all I can do for now. I daredn't even make a police complaint because I know what they are capable of and I am terrified of sirens or anything to do with them. The one thing I am sure of is that the last people on earth I can afford to confide in are the drips. Or anything to do with that hellhole. I have no idea how people who work for places like that, and treat people like that can look in the mirror.

I could order a jigsaw, or do some colouring in, I suppose. The colouring in they did was photocopied sheets called, 'keeping kids busy'. I probably could find a colouring book somewhere.

I know that mners don't like the word literally used incorrectly but that place was literally dehumanising. There were people in there with severe learning difficulties. And I am not an expert but I mean wailing all day and night and running around with no clothes on. The staff would make them dance. Not in a nice way. In a dancing bear way.

The CEO of the Trust came to visit one day and told the staff that the QCA were pleased with the place. I considered running up to him and telling what hell it was but that would have been put down to 'mental illness' and I couldn't afford to take any risks that would take me nearer the pin down and forced injection in the bottom. The fear was incalculable.

And still is. In my waking hours and in my dreams.

It is awful Daisy :(

Have you tried talking to the Samaritans, over the phone or by email? Maybe it would help to talk to someone anonymous about it.

This is all no surprise to me. No wonder people constantly return once they have gone through that hell. One has lost her house already. One is planning a hanging and she is too far away for me to visit. One is just lying in bed all day and not eating. That is the 61 year old 7 stone woman who was treated worse than me by the police. They actually tethered (not handcuffed) tethered her hands in a sort of ligament, tied the ligament to a hoop inside a police van, and drove her for an hour in a police van whilst she swayed around on her knees, tethered like an animal. She was the one who suffered a broken wrist. She holds up her (bird like) wrists and one is completely wonky and was never set. I'd love to go and visit her and feed her some nursery food but her dog tries to hump mine. I might try and get the strength to get her some shopping and leave my dog at home for a few hours. She is visited by drips twice a day who feed her drugs and don't do any shopping or anything for her at all. She is going to lose her house soon.