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Original poster

I have been sectioned.

999 replies

lazyhazydaisy · 26/01/2012 11:23

I have just got access to the internet. I am much less petrified than I was at first but definitely 0 out of ten. I have a tribunal and if that fails I think I will be here until July. I feel as though I am living in a nightmare. I have never felt so alone.

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Original poster
lazyhazydaisy · 05/07/2012 15:20

I did look on youtube about the washing machine filter and I might have a look at doing that later. The electricity in the kitchen doesn't work apart from one light so I will have to fix an elaborate system of extension cords. And partly dismantle the kitchen because the washing machine is built in iyswim. That might be a start. Then I could wash my sheets.

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Original poster
lazyhazydaisy · 05/07/2012 15:20

Unfortunately when my partner broke in the 'police-secured' property he took his tools.

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Original poster
lazyhazydaisy · 05/07/2012 15:22

But he did board it all up again so that when I got home I couldn't get in.

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Original poster
lazyhazydaisy · 05/07/2012 15:24

That is a lie. One half of the kitchen electricity doesn't work. The freezer works and the fridge works and the kettle works. But no electricity for the washing machine or the other overhead lights. This may be related to the water that has poured through the roof for 6 months.

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Original poster
lazyhazydaisy · 05/07/2012 15:30

There was a lovely young girl in there called Tracey and she knew that she was due to get 'leave' (hello Mr Orwell!) in 5 weeks. She told me how she was counting down the days until she could go to her heroin dealer and do whatever heroin takers do. I don't take drugs but I could understand her entirely. In the event she absconded and did just that. I saw her in the hellhole and she was looking a bit spaced (to me, I have no experience of heroin beyone what she had told me and trainspotting) and she was saying, 'I've just taken loads of smack'. I wanted to get her to her bed as soon as possible before she was caught and got into trouble but she burbled that she had already told them. I had thought that on taking heroin one lay in bed for 8 hours having a passed out sort of dream. I was very wrong. She paid £200 for a 20 minute high. She eventually left but (surprise!) she is back in there now. Quite an education, I suppose.

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thisisyesterday · 05/07/2012 15:46

lazy, do you have any friends or family who can come and help you sort out the house?

Original poster
lazyhazydaisy · 05/07/2012 15:58

No. Not after that. I have been out of the hellhole for 3 monthish. The only person who has been here apart from Arthur, a fellow survivor, is the rat man, who came round unannounced, the dog groomer, who was lovely, so lovely to talk to a chatty stranger, the computer man and the drips. I don't think you can appreciate how it is. Only people who have gone through it can understand. I cannot leave the house. I will have to deal with estate agents eventually. If you haven't been through it you cannot understand. I understood this once I realised I wasn't going to be out in a week. No more school gate for me after this. No more village cheerleader after being brutally and publicly manhandled by my hair into THE CELL of a police van after this.

That was why I couldn't afford to think about the future when I was incarcerated. I had to focus on not going mad.

(By the way, Tracey gave me, on my strict instructions, a mumsnet haircut when I was in there. I timed her. It took 9 seconds and I was very pleased with it. I kept the hair in a bowl in my room, appropos of nothing except that it pleased me to see the lack of grey. This was taken as yet another symptom of yet another 'personality disorder. Picking one's nose would be taken as evidence of a personality disorder. Even staying in my room to avoid the inmate who was convinced that I was number 3 in Sinn Fein and thought I was put their to kill her was in my notes as 'self-isolating')

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LadyInDisguise · 05/07/2012 16:06

You are right. It is impossible to for any of us to really understand.

However, it is clear that you can do with some help. Not from 'them' but someone who couold help you sorting the house out, avoiding leaks on the roof etc... And some support to rebuild your life too.

Friends and family are often the first people who can do that.

thisisyesterday · 05/07/2012 16:15

no, i am quite sure I have absolutely no idea how you feel. but i can see that you could do with a hand.

you know if you live near me (south east) i'd be more than happy to come and help you sort some stuff out

TantrumsAndBalloons · 05/07/2012 16:19

You need real, useful practical help.

Is there anyone at all taking an interest in your health and wellbeing?

I'm really worried that if you carry on with no useful help, you will end up in a place you don't want to be.

Who can help you? Can "the drips" not offer any practical support with regard to getting the house sorted out? Or refer you to someone who can?

Original poster
lazyhazydaisy · 05/07/2012 16:19

And what would the Samaritans suggest? Contact 'mental health services'?
The only thing I am sure about is that I have to tidy the sitting room when the drips drip round once a week and stay calm enough to get them out of the door.

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TantrumsAndBalloons · 05/07/2012 16:22

Excuse me if I'm being too nosy but do you own the house or is it rented?

Because if you own it, do you have homeowners insurance you can claim on to get the roof repaired, the door fixed etc.

And again maybe too nosy but if you are receiving benefits can you not get assistance, money for repairs etc?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 05/07/2012 16:23

Daisy, maybe the drips could help if you give them a chance?

MooncupGoddess · 05/07/2012 16:23

I don't know if they'd suggest anything, Daisy, but they might listen and be kind, which God knows you deserve after what you've been through.

Original poster
lazyhazydaisy · 05/07/2012 16:26

I was in a place that I didn't want to be when I was dragged down two flights of stairs wearing precisely one pair of knickers, one pair of light trousers and a t-shirt. The central heating was on at 23degrees. I know that because when we broke into the house it was freezing outside and boiling inside. If the police were there for four hours one would have imagined that they might have had the sense to turn the heating down. I couldn't because I was in handcuffs ratcheted so tightly that they drew blood.

After being in that place I had to face 4 months of incarceration. The drips are useless. I only tolerate them because my lawyers have advised me to. I have got used to being on my own. Tracey, Arthur and Leone left within the first three and four weeks of me being there. I had, by necessity, get used to solitary confinement. How can anyone have a future after that.

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Original poster
lazyhazydaisy · 05/07/2012 16:30

I have asked the drips for practical help, eg, have a look at the roof, help me to pull out the washing machine to help me drain it? Deal with the rats? They have made it quite clear that they won't do anything like that. I can barely get out of bed. I have gone through 4 months of incarceration. That may not seem much to you but to me it was watching the clock with the fervent vigour that only the incarcerated can understand. They have told me categorically that they don't do practical help. (and these people are paid!)

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Original poster
lazyhazydaisy · 05/07/2012 16:31

I own the house and the insurance does not cover the police destroying two doors. Nor the roof if the house has been unoccupied.

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TantrumsAndBalloons · 05/07/2012 16:34

Oh daisy I wish I knew what to say.

It does seem like a long time to me but I imagine it felt 100 times longer to you.

I don't know how you go on to rebuild your life, but there has to be a way otherwise all of your struggling and fighting was for nothing.

I hope someone will be able to offer a more useful suggestion.

Original poster
lazyhazydaisy · 05/07/2012 16:36

Bearing in mind that what I went through, the police brutality and the grinding minutes of 4 months of terror-filled incarceration, and all of that was called 'care and treatment' I hardly hold much confidence in the drips.

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Original poster
lazyhazydaisy · 05/07/2012 16:39

There is no one to pick up the pieces. This is why suicides should not surprise anyone. It is the only career option after that. I put all of my energy into not going mad. I have no energy left. The dog. The dog is actually keeping alive and getting two walks a day.

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Original poster
lazyhazydaisy · 05/07/2012 16:39

Even if they are at 5am and 11am.

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AndWhenYouGetThere · 05/07/2012 16:41

What help are the drips supposed to offer, then, if not practical help? Are they mental health nurses /council benefit assessors/ something else?

If you do feel up to making a call to Samaritans (good job BT sorted out your phone line) they'll be able to point you in the direction of the right organisations to help with different areas. If you're okay financially, can you look in yellow pages/google for a roofer to fix the drip, and an electrician to sort the kitchen out?

If you keep the reciepts, you may be able to claim it back from the police - it seems so much of the damage to the house was caused by them, so perhaps the best thing to do is to complain, but I have no idea how you would, or who to.

Sorry I can't offer any really useful advice, but I'm thinking of you, and wishing you a calm day and peaceful sleep.

Original poster
lazyhazydaisy · 05/07/2012 16:41

I tried to look on the bright side when I made the suggestion box for the ward, did a food preference survey for the ward, bought diaries for every new patient etc etc. After two months, when the people I knew left, I was on my own. I got used to it. It was my minute by minute existence.

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AndWhenYouGetThere · 05/07/2012 16:43

I bet the dog is very grateful for the walks. My mum suffered badly with bipolar, but got a little border terrier, and the regular walks and fresh air, I'm sure, helped in her recovery. What breed is yours?

Maybe walking dogs should be an activity in OT?

AndWhenYouGetThere · 05/07/2012 16:45

"Looking on the bright side" is such twee, cliched advice... but your projects probably helped get you through those horrible months, and give you a bit of focus?

Would it help to consider arranging fixing up the house as your current project? Getting it ready for sale, if you still want to move out?