Am I having a breakdown?

[Idontdeservethem]

Name changer. Have felt odd for weeks, felt like I was watching Christmas and new year from the outside. Didn't enjoy either. Put it down to be pre menstrual that week. It hasn't got better. My temper is terrible. I picked a fight with DH on the way to the supermarket yesterday with the dcs in the car and I actually got out of the car and started to walk home. I shocked myself with my behaviour. Afterwards I just felt flat and sad. Couldn't sleep last night. Today I am just crying and couldn't get out of bed. DH made me get up. I have been crying over lots of things that happened years ago, things I don't even think about anymore. I've sobbed today over my lovely grandma who died 9 years ago. I can't cope. I am tired. I am sad. I feel guilty because DH is so good and kind and I'm a crap wife and a crap mum. I must have frightened my boys yesterday and they'll remember that forever. I won't have sex. I fat and I always look scruffy. I can't stop eying and I just want to go back to bed but I can't let DH down more than I already am. He has made me an appointment with the doctor for tomorrow. I am a failure. Please someone help me.

Had an hour or so, took the ad earlier and boy does it make me feel weird. Anyone else felt like this if you have been on mirtazapine? Very drowsy but also dizzy. Finding it hard to formulate a sentence. My lbs feel heavy. This was all within an hour of taking it.
I managed a piece of cheese on toast earlier, first real food in about 3 days.
I don't know If I can do this. It seems to be a huge mountain to climb. I scared I going to opens can of worms and not ever get back to normal. Can't focus properly. So tired

Limbs not lbs

Hoping you get a good night.

Hope you slept some!

Remember, you're doing a great thing now.

They do deserve you!

Dizziness is normal, it'll take a couple of weeks for your body to adjust to the medication, you just have to keep taking it regularly. Hope you managed to get some sleep last night.

Morning. I slept well apart from a couple of hours in the middle on and off. I feel awful though. I am still groggy and speech feels slurred. This is horrible. I can't keep tali f them if I keep feeling like this. I have to look after the childresn tomorrow nd how can I work of I'm. Like this. Also we should be out Saturday and the dc are staying with parents. Don't want to go out but can't cancel the children. This is all such a mess. I. Just want to curl in a ball

Its ok.

These feelings are horrible, but they will pass. Can you still use the childcare on Saturday and stay in? What does work entail? Is there anything you can do now to make it seem less frightening? like talk to a colleague or rearrange a meeting?

Have you managed to get an appointment to see a councellor yet?

I teach so I have to clear headed. (adult students though). Got an appointment with counsellor week on Monday which I thought was very good for nhs. Dh wants to go back to doctor this morning. Ecause side effects.

Just popping in with best wishes x

Thank you

Doctor has changed tablets tO citalipram. Feel awful. Don't want to take anything. The new ones can stop you sleeping. I need sleep.

I would honestly reccomend sticking with the mitrazapine - it only took a few days to get rid of the EXTREME tiredness fuzzy head and slurred speech I had all of those too and they completely went. It is fab for sleep, I sleep like a baby now and before was lucky if I got 3 hours. Speak to your GP before you change I really think they would be better than Citalopram I took those and literally didn't sleep for days. I am not a doctor so I would def speak to them first. Stick with it you will feel like a new woman soon x.

IDDT in every medication there is a leaflet listing umpteen possible side effects, but it doesn't mean you will get any (or, god forbid, all) of them. They have to warn you of these side effects, but it can be rather un-nerving reading of the possibilities.

Also, with many antidepressants it takes up to 3 weeks for them to come into full effect, and there can be side effects at the beginning which then go away again. Please do persist with your meds and give them a chance. Just because they can stop you sleeping doesn't mean they will.

That is excellent about the counselling.

Ok. Well, my head has cleared from the ads, thank god. Still very tired but not slurring and feel better on my feet. Had a terrible morning, crying and feeling everything was hopeless. I finally calmed down then talked to dh and my friend about what to do. I like to be in control so have come up with some ways to get my control back. I am going to continue the first ad because I can't bear the thought of no sleep but as dh is out early tomorrow and we have commitments for a few days, I am going to start it on Sunday. Dh is here Monday and can do the school run the rest of the week. The baby has a long nap in the morning so I can sleep then. I made myself some lunch and I made myself eat it even though I'm not hungry (I haven't really eaten since Sunday) I am having a bath and I'm going to get dressed and then later I will go on the car with dh to school, I may just stay in the car but it's better than nothing. That is my plan. My friend said she'll come over tomorrow if I want and I might take her up on it. Oh and I haven't cried for over an hour. Don't feel better but I know I cant afford to get lower than I did this morning. Dh can't stay at home wih me forever and I need to take positive steps. Thank you for letting me unburden myself on here. I told my friend i'd been doing his and she said she could understand why it would work for me. I don't like to talk about feelings and emotions (I can talk easily about other peoples but not my own) but I've always been able to write my feelings down, usually just for myself. Thank you for listening, I have 3 things to do today and I will do them!

Sounds like you're finding your feet somewhat which is a very positive sign, I think you're right to stick the with the first mess and understand why you want to put off taking them until Sunday. Eat as much fresh fruit and veg as you can, also fish and things like nuts are supposedly good when you're down.

You're doing fantastically!
vv's suggestion of fresh air and nuts sounds good- think squirrel.
Worksheet for Friday- or video with questionnaire?

I failed at the first hurdle. Fell asleep afte me bath and couldn't get up. Dh is now annoyed with me. I don't know if I can do this.

You made some lunch.
You ate some lunch.
You had a bath.
You had a sleep.

That is doing pretty well in my book. This process is not 'one bound and she is free' it is a journey to recovery and you mustn't try to hurry it. Hugs to you and your dh.

Don't be upset by your DP, he's under stress too, he's bound to get annoyed from time to time. Have a cuddle, a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit. One step at a time.

I can do this. I have to. I phoned my mum. I just talked about arrangements for kids and said my migraines had been playing up this week. I cried a bit but she couldn't tell. I am in the car outside the shop because ds1 wanted to buy a magazine with his pocket money. I am shaking. I have to this though don't I. Dh is not annoyed with me, he just said he's frustrated. I love him so much.

Let go, let go. The answer is not more control. Keep posting, we all here for you.

I think VV is right, and gently telling him how much you need and appreciate his support whilst you are trying to get on track might make both of you feel better

Try to think of it as on a par a physical condition that you needed support with...... (because somehow MH issues are often misguidedly the black sheep of human ailments)...

It feels awful but letting the emotions happen is important.... because repressing them causes all this... wishing you strength x

I'm glad you've been able to ask your mum for help even without really going into what's wrong. You're doing brilliantly.