I have reached the point and I am calm

[failingtoomuch]

I need to end my life. I want to end my life. I am at peace with doing it and feel very calm now I have made the decision. I just don't know the best way to do it. I wouldn't lie in front of a train or similar as I don't want anyone else to be affected. I would like to disappear and just do it in the middle of nowhere. There is no one who will miss me so there are no issues there. I just want it over with.

Nothing to forgive. I don't think you are stupid at all. Just honest, and that is good.

It was a good thing, not sure you should forget it. You didn't make an idiot of yourself. Your pain was (is) real. You reached out and found support. And there is more if you need it.

You did what you are supposed to do when you are down. You talked about it.

Thank you. I had stopped posting about difficulties I was having coping with my children as I got flamed all the time and couldn't handle it. Seems that MH is a gentler topic area. I assumed everyone had had enough of me posting about how I was feeling and not appearing to be getting any help.

I agree, nothing at all to feel stupid about!

Make sure you're getting any help and support you need in real life though, in case you start feeling that bad again. Is your DH being supportive?

im so pleased to here from you again today..they seem a friendly bunch here.always welcum to chat with me honey.no need to apologise either.we have shit days and releasing it helps.x

Thank you.

I really did mean it last night. I wasn't just saying it for effect.

I am proud we have had a good day today. DS1 said he was having a lovely time with me and someone complimented me on my polite dd .

whoever you are.

you had a low, and today you made a huge effort and it paid off. i know where you are, the way you were feeling.

what a great day for you.

Good to see you had a better day.

I've seen several posters get flamed unnecessarily of late...perhaps sticking with MH for a while is a good idea. Even Relationships doesn't seem safe at the mo

I dont care who you are.

You are hurting and I am sorry.

I am very glad you have had a nice day.

I hope there will be many more for you x

Failingtoomuch (time for a name change, I reckon), you did the right thing last night talking about how you were feeling - it enabled you to get the support you needed, so don't worry. We're all just glad that you feel a bit better today.

Use the memory of last night and today - that you felt suicidal but didn't give in to it, and the next day was a bit better day - if there is another time in the future that you feel as down again. You can use it as a coping method.

x

Thank you. DH is coming home early tomorrow and then Christmas can start .

We have a tricky problem. DS1 said Grandad kicked him twice. G said he didn't. Wouldn't even say it was an accident. He got stroppy on the phone with me. Told DS1 he didn't care if he told me he had called him silly/stupid. DH went and got the kids. We won't leave them there alone now. MIL has told me before she had to stop FIL going for DS. We can't not go but we won't leave him alone there any more, don't know what to do about leaving the others.

Thank you Selks. Maybe I needed to go so slow to start the climb back up. I just feel so stupid, like I was over reacting, but I really felt calm about my decision. I could never leave my children but sometimes..

WRT to your son and Granddad : if you suspect abuse is going on then you need to carefully control contact. Only allow his granddad to see him when you or DH is around and I would say the same for the other children, just in case the same happens with them.

Glad you're feeling a lot better today.

A one off as opposed to abuse but they won't be alone again.

Quite right too.

Am so glad you are feeling better today, I have been thinking about you today, wrt to those who flame when you ask for help they are not worth worrying about, I for one would be ashamed of myself if I was horrible to someone who probably worked up a lot of courage and posted for help. There are always people who will listen:)

Thank you. I did feel quite brave .

Very very glad to read about your positive day. Babysteps and taking it one day at a time xx

Hi ftm, have reported the posts that 'out' you, hopefully they will disappear.

Good that you still around.

All I can say is take the ADs, take the AD's, take the ADs

And if they're not working, get them changed, upped, whatever.

I have depression, was very severe at some points and I probably will always be on medication, but thats ok with me.

And agree, never underestimate the powers of a purring cat , my lovely old puss would aways 'know' when I was feeling down, she used to come & sniff at the tears on my face when I was crying, it was very sweet.

One hour at a time, one day at a time, always when I was at my worst just getting through the day would be an achievement so I used to go to sleep every night saying, maybe tomorow will be better, and if not, maybe the next day.

Happy for pm if you want to be in touch (we've 'spoken' on threads before a couple of times, was arfasleep, then ImeldaM, then MrsV)

new thread to have a look at. OP, I am aware that you will not like what I have said, so I have put it on a different thread, and you don't have to click.
new thread so this one stays as it is
Best wishes

Just got back from an appointment. DS2 played up and now we are home I have thought of what I could have done to have managed him better. Too late though.

I am still taking the AD's but I know they can't fix the underlying issues so I will be making steps to deal with those.

I have rsad the other thread and I can't be bothered anymore. I was taking a break until I crashed and it was a relief. I will go back to doing that. Good job bleacg.

ftm don't let Bleach put you off, ignore.

There are lots of supportive experienced posters here, madmouse & NanaNina being the ones that spring to mind.

I do post intermittently so not great at offering such good handholding for those that need it.

Thanks but I have had enough really.

I have messaged bleach to say she is out of order and being unfair and by taking away my mn support won't make me do anything but be more alone. She clearly has had enough of me and I have had enough of being me and fighting to try and get well when no one will take the time to listen but just throws pills at me.

sHE clearly knows me from somewhere else when I don't have a clue who she is so that is extremely unfair and makes me very unnerved.

I have outstayed my welcome on here clearly and I am so sorry that people have had enough of reading my posts and telling me to go to a and e. be grateful you are not living my life because at times it is pretty shit. I have been fighting me whole life to stay alive and get well and have had very little help that actually achieved anything. I have survived more things than any of you will ever know and yet somehow some people think i need more kicking.

Merry christmas.