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Original poster

I have reached the point and I am calm

289 replies

failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 17:16

I need to end my life. I want to end my life. I am at peace with doing it and feel very calm now I have made the decision. I just don't know the best way to do it. I wouldn't lie in front of a train or similar as I don't want anyone else to be affected. I would like to disappear and just do it in the middle of nowhere. There is no one who will miss me so there are no issues there. I just want it over with.

OP posts:
KatieScarlettsCrackers · 23/12/2011 18:41

She can talk for 100 years on here to me if she likes.

Her life. Her choices.

I'll still listen.

BleachBoys · 23/12/2011 18:45

Yes, but you won't be helping her, do you see? You will just be allowing her to stay where she is and not move on? It is a bit like killing with kindness. The Op says she wants help, says she wants to get sorted, but doesn't, because MN gives her enough to get by on, but not enough to change...

I don't think I can explain it again, or any more clearly. There will always be people who think they are helping, and it gives them a glow to think they are. But really, I don't think you are helping. Sorry.

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 23/12/2011 18:48

Bleach

You or I are not responsible for the OP

I see what you are saying but honestly think you are taking this far too personally to be any good to the OP or yourself.

But isn't that the good thing about MN? Many different views, all valid.

liveinazoo · 23/12/2011 18:51

sometimes taking the leap can be very hard and while anyone is feeling too scared or stuck for proffesional routes(and to all the others who may be doing that)i will always be here to listen.the isolation depression brings is hideous and whilst the real world is good when we are functioning when we arent this is a great place to still come and have some interaction and support

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 23/12/2011 18:54

How was your day today liveinazoo?

Mine was shite, was in anxiety hell by 9:30 this am. Went outside and breathed for a bit and managed work albeit with killer headache and stiff neck from gritting my teeth.

Couldn't work it out, have decided to blame PMT Grin

liveinazoo · 23/12/2011 18:59

could be pmt wrecking my day tooGrin.had migrainy type headache and made me very anxious all day as felt weird.dp was fab today,bless him,he did the xmas food shop and took the kids to the cinema this afternoon.he exhaustedand went up to bed at 5!!!!!!will take him up something to eat when tuck the kids up in a moment and try and get him to eat something or he will want to get up in the middle of the night for breakfast!!!!!

BleachBoys · 23/12/2011 19:00

Katie - I'm fine. My concern is for the OP, but I am not taking anything personally, just trying to get a viewpoint across Smile. I also hate to have misapprehensions left unaswered Smile.

I am not suggesting anyone is responsibile for the OP, but people post here because they want to help. Well, in this case, helping may be not about listening and encouraging the OP to share, but advocating action to her. As I said, she has been posting on here for years about the same issues. All the talking in the world on here has not helped. She should be talking in RL to her DH, her GP and to those qualified to deal with the roots of her depression.

Zoo - I agree the OP is too scared to seek help. Posting on here is supporting her in putting off seeking that help!

It would be great if ultimately the OP could do both - be getting help in RL and support on here. However, for the past howevermany years, it has only been MN support, and it just isn't up to the size of the task, however much well-intentioned posters would like it to be.

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 23/12/2011 19:02

Aww, bless him

I should try to eat something too but no appetite here.

Crisps, maybe?

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 23/12/2011 19:04

I'm glad we are not on no-speaks Bleach

Have you had a good day today?

thunderboltsandlightning · 23/12/2011 19:04

Bleach it's not really up to you to decide what "truths" the OP needs to hear or decide where she should seek help.

If you don't feel able to offer support on Mumsnet any more that's up to you, but you can't tell the OP it's wrong for her to seek support here. As has already been said, it doesn't have to be one thing or the other.

MrsHankey · 23/12/2011 19:08

Agree with Katie and thunderbolts

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 23/12/2011 19:10

Just don't press that evil like "recommend" button MrsH

hehe

BleachBoys · 23/12/2011 19:12

Katie - I am fine, thank you. I hope you are too Smile. It is a very busy time of year, and one that adds to existing pressures and stresses. I hope your head and jaws can relax soon!

Thunder - yes I do know that Smile. I am advocating a viewpoint, not issuing a diktat! I wanted to 'put it out there' what I thought of what was happening. Of course people may disagree, but I wanted them to see another perspective on the OP's situation.
FWIW, I have not suggested to the OP it is wrong for her to post here. I AM suggesting that it might not be helping her though.

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 23/12/2011 19:14

I'm having a go at improving my day Bleach

Gottal love Christmas!

Grin
liveinazoo · 23/12/2011 19:22

have we all fiished wrapping etc?i did til midnite last night.suck in a hr during the day.reckon one more hour should do it.by the way,while there are a few lurking how do you guys cope with feeling super stressed xmas day,especially in relation to not growling at the kids/climbing in the oven with the roast/emptying the sherry bottle?Xmas Grin

LilTooMuchTurkey · 23/12/2011 19:29

The problem with your scenario bleach is that what if it is us or no one.

I would always advocate professional help, having been on the receiving end of some. But if someone is not willing to go there withdrawal of support could be a fatal error. And one that I would never knowingly be a part of.

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 23/12/2011 19:37

I don't wrap liveinazoo

That's the job of DH, it's the only way he knows what "we" have got everyone.

liveinazoo · 23/12/2011 19:47

ah love it katieGrin.just force fed dp a sarnie and some fruit.you say you have no apetite,do you eat bananas?psyche nurse recommended i had them when i went through an unhungry phase.theyre full magnesium and b vits which essential for mental health and the carbs in them also convert to tryptophan which helps make brain feel less stressed.they recommended warm milk and a banana at bedtime to help me sleep.didnt take to the warm milk though

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 23/12/2011 19:50

Am having cocoa with hot milk now with

a greggs chocolate doughnut

fruit

Grin
liveinazoo · 23/12/2011 19:53

now adding cocoa/horlicks and im there with bells on.ive not ventured into greggs doughnuts yet.i got a thing for their belgium buns and the cupcakes with hundreds and thousands

seventeenyears · 23/12/2011 20:24

I have deregged and will do so again after this post.

Bleach - you are being really unfair. You say you know me and have done on here and another site for 7 years but won't give me any of your usernames or tell me if you know me in real life. You have been very vocal in your opinion of me and clearly have had issues with me if you have talked to me for 7 years and remembered it is 7 years. You know me "of old" on another site yet somehow know it is also me here so I suspect we have either had real life contact or emails and you are being really unfair by refusing to say who you are.

Being like this with me will not encourage, or make, me get professional help. It just takes away a line of support I have found helpful and vital at various times over the years. You have no idea of the things I have to live with day to day and do you really think I would spill my guts on here if I had any other options? Rub it in that I have no one. I have seen many professionals and none of them have the time or expertise to help me and really listen.

I feel you have no idea what it is to have a mental illness as well as other difficulties and if you do, or know me in real life, what you have done today is even more cruel.

You start a thread about me. Why? For what purpose? You outed me imediately and didn't give me a chance to have a clean slate and fresh ears to listen giving me a chance to share things that I need help with.

You have taken something from me that I held dear and found very important and while I shouldn't let you do it I can't be bothered to fight any more.

I wish you a healthy life ahead of you and God forbid you find yourself alone and needing support only to find it is gone fo you.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to help me these last few days and not held it against me that I have had the temerity to ask for help more than once.

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 23/12/2011 20:27

Don't go sweetie.

ThatVikRinA22 · 23/12/2011 20:35

OP, dont go.

none of this matters really, and no one has the foggiest who you are.

Bleach - while i respect your opinions you are forcing them on the OP, and she clearly feels that you are stopping her from posting here, and in that, i think you are wrong. Are you a mental health professional?

is it wrong that if the op needs this to get by, that she uses it?
ultimately it is her decision and hers alone to seek help if she wants to. not yours. i think in this, while well meaning, you have overstepped the mark.

OP, name change if you have to, and use the forum if it helps you get through the day, and, if and when you feel you can, seek RL help. but dont suffer in silence.

liveinazoo · 23/12/2011 20:37

stay with us..its good to know there are others who bin there and whilst i dont know you im sure youve been around when others have needed an ear.katie and i are def still listening,arent we katie?
whilst there are still people needing to talk and listen this will remain a place for us to all hang out

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 23/12/2011 20:39

we sure are