Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

I have reached the point and I am calm

289 replies

failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 17:16

I need to end my life. I want to end my life. I am at peace with doing it and feel very calm now I have made the decision. I just don't know the best way to do it. I wouldn't lie in front of a train or similar as I don't want anyone else to be affected. I would like to disappear and just do it in the middle of nowhere. There is no one who will miss me so there are no issues there. I just want it over with.

OP posts:
Samvet · 21/12/2011 18:00

So you think it is normal to feel like this? It isn't.

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 21/12/2011 18:00

Like I said, it is the illness talking.

The fact that you are out of energy to fight is classic.

You don't really want to make such a big decision when you are ill, do you?

Why not try to hang on for a bit?

perfumedlife · 21/12/2011 18:01

What if you do it and there is more of the same on the other side? I know that's a stretch but no one knows for sure. It has to be worth hanging on here and getting more help. You deserve it, there are poeple who can help.

liveinazoo · 21/12/2011 18:01

life is not an easy thing at the best of times.feeling so isolated isnt a pleasant experience to anyone.its not possible to see the wood for the trees when you are in the thick of it.when depression takes hold it isnt possible to be able to judge your wellness effectively.reach out.ther are hands and services to guide you back

JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 21/12/2011 18:01

I'm sure there are many, many people who would miss you ftm

Your life touches many more people than you know.

I hope you will seek the support you need, and not just from us.

Please get in touch with someone in RL too if you can

Samvet · 21/12/2011 18:02

Why did you choose this site? Do you have children?

TheFidgetySheep · 21/12/2011 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

liveinazoo · 21/12/2011 18:06

you still with us honey?

fridakahlo · 21/12/2011 18:09

I think the fact that you chose to post a thread in Mental Health shows that you do know this is being ill. Ending one's life is never a rational decision. The fact that you are posting here shows that on some level/subconciously you know this too.
Please go to AandE or phone or email the samaritans, even though those people don't know you they would care about whether you live or die. As do we.

Samvet · 21/12/2011 18:09

If it was the right thing to do all these intelligent people here would nit bother replying, we would give you ideas and then turn off the computer. For our sake if not your own, pause, listen and think about an alternative strategy.

fuzzypeach1750 · 21/12/2011 18:09

I'm so sorry that you feel like this and feel like there is no one to help you. Life can be a lonely, scary place at the best of times but as others have said you are ill. Sweetheart you need to get yourself to A & E and tell them everything. Let it all out, they will help you. No one will judge you, they will help and support you.

I'm sure you can remember a time in your life when you've been a little tipsy and done something and woken up the next day and thought 'well, that was a bad idea'? That's exactly the situation you are in now.

Please get some proper help and when you are better you can make decisions like this.

Feel free to PM me if you just need an ear to bend.

Hugs x

Original poster
failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 18:10

I have no family or friends. There is just me.

OP posts:
liveinazoo · 21/12/2011 18:12

where abouts are you?

fuzzypeach1750 · 21/12/2011 18:13

There will be people who think about you even of you don't realise it. The checkout assistant may think 'she had a lovely smile', the person you pass on your way to work may think you'd be nice to get to know. There are so many people that we come into contact with and have a connection with even if we don't realise it at the time.

Your life is worth something, you are worth something. You just can't see that through the fog. We can see it though.

fridakahlo · 21/12/2011 18:15

But there are friends you are yet to meet. Depression tries to keep us isolated which is why you feel there's no-one. You are reaching out for help, just posting here shows that. But right now you need to go and tell actual physically present people who can help you move past this. And you will, I promise.

Samvet · 21/12/2011 18:15

Ok there is just you. Well then it will be all the more impressive when you recover.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 21/12/2011 18:16

There is a part of you that wants a different way to end your suffering or you wouldn't be posting. It may only be a small part but it's there op, and for the moment you need to hang on to that.

If you go to your local A&E you will have access to a Psychiatric Liason Service that can help you op.

Also Samaritans, I believe the number has already been posted or you can email I think.

There is a limit to what MN can do to help, but if you want to talk there is always someone here who will lend an ear.

fuzzypeach1750 · 21/12/2011 18:16

Have your feelings become overwhelming because it is Christmas?

Samvet · 21/12/2011 18:16

We will be your friends, one problem sorted. Next?

Ephiny · 21/12/2011 18:18

No one is going to give you suggestions/ideas here.

Please ring the Samaritans or talk to someone in real life (you can go to A&E or call your out-of-hours GP), there's only so much we can do to help you at a distance like this.

Keep chatting here if you need to though. I agree that you seem to know on some level that this is not a right or normal thing to do. Otherwise you wouldn't have posted in Mental Health, or told us about what you were planning, you'd have just done it. You're not well at the moment, and not in a good state to be making decisions like this.

You're not the only one to have felt like this. And I know for a fact there are many of us who look back and are overwhelmingly relieved and glad that we didn't do it. Even if at the time it felt like the right or only thing to do. There's always hope, always the possibility that things will get better, better than you can imagine right now. There's so much you'll miss out on if you go now.

CailinDana · 21/12/2011 18:21

Ok you want to end it but you're not sure how to do it, so hang on for a while, don't rush into anything because if you choose something and it goes wrong it could be really horrible for you. You want peace, you don't want to end up very ill or injured in hospital. If you would like to be in hospital and would like someone to care for you then if you present yourself at a and e and tell them how you feel they will look after you. You don't have to be physically ill or injured for them to take you in.

Keep talking here if you can.

fuzzypeach1750 · 21/12/2011 18:21

Please keep talking OP, I'm worried about you.

Ephiny · 21/12/2011 18:22

I've been utterly alone and friendless too. I know it feels very bleak. But these things can and do change. You will make friends again. Maybe you'll have a family of your own someday.

It's a difficult time of year when you're alone. That's why you need to get some help, to get you through this.

Lulumama · 21/12/2011 18:25

no-one is going to tell you how.

you are ill, very very ill

if the meds aren't working, then you need to see someone urgently to get a change in meds and therapy

please present at A&E or call nhs direct or the samaritans

no-one is going to tell you how to end your life, because it is a life worth living and you will feel that when you are well

do you see your gp at all for medication reviews?

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 21/12/2011 18:31

How is your head now?