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I have reached the point and I am calm

289 replies

failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 17:16

I need to end my life. I want to end my life. I am at peace with doing it and feel very calm now I have made the decision. I just don't know the best way to do it. I wouldn't lie in front of a train or similar as I don't want anyone else to be affected. I would like to disappear and just do it in the middle of nowhere. There is no one who will miss me so there are no issues there. I just want it over with.

OP posts:
sertraline50mg · 23/12/2011 13:03

ftm - stay!

sertraline50mg · 23/12/2011 13:05

this is a public forum x

Merry Christmas Xmas Smile

madmouse · 23/12/2011 14:10

No one is telling you to go to A&E because they have enough of your posts, but because that's where you need to be when you're so suicidal. Don't overreact.

thunderboltsandlightning · 23/12/2011 14:42

Don't leave FTM. Some people are cold-hearted and insensitive. That's their problem not yours.

You did very well coming on here and asking for support and talking about what was bothering you. That's a big achievement. Then you had a good day with your dcs. Hold on to the positives and ignore the people who can offer nothing but negativity. Unfortunately there's too many of them on Mumsnet.

liveinazoo · 23/12/2011 14:47

please dont leave us ftm.there are pplenty of us still here that do want to talk to you and listen.as far as im concerned this is what we here for on this topic and anyone who disagrees should keep their mardy remarks for the aibu site!

fuzzypeach1750 · 23/12/2011 14:53

FTM some people can be such cows. Jesus people. If posting on here helps even a small way then that's better than nothing. Why do people have to stomp around all 'oh I know who she is'??? WTAF is the matter with you?? FTM wants an ear, some advice and s hand to hold. Not some women acting like they are on the bloody playground.

And as for starting s thread about FTM, all I can say is nice. Really classy Angry

thunderboltsandlightning · 23/12/2011 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thunderboltsandlightning · 23/12/2011 15:04

Oops no, sorry. I'll get that one deleted.

Memoo · 23/12/2011 15:11

I've pm'ed you failing

fridakahlo · 23/12/2011 15:13

FTM I hope you stick around. I think posting on here about how you were feeling was incredibly brave esp since people might work out who you are.
Don't let the 'fed up' people stop you reaching out. And advice about going to AandE was because you will get support there. I ended up there two months ago because I was in a really bad place, not suicidal, but lots of other crap going on and honestly it was one of the best things I ever did.
Hope you see the support outwieghs the sniping.

Memoo · 23/12/2011 15:16

What has this 'bleach' person done? Im just in the mood for giving someone a slap.

fuzzypeach1750 · 23/12/2011 15:17

so pleased that the thread that can not be named has been deleted. we are always here ftm

OliNIvy · 23/12/2011 15:21

Please stay OP.

I have no idea who you are or what your circumstances are, but I do know you are clearly suffering from depression. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to most of us to varying degrees at one time or another.

Personally, I have suffered with depression to varying degrees all my life. I had a traumatic childhood in some ways, and I now have a child with autism and sevre behavioural difficulties, which I struggle to cope with at times.

Although I do have family and friends, I have struggled badly for years with admitting the extent of the depression and pain I feel.

I just wanted to say - I do have some inkling of how you are feeling. I have been there myself. So, so tired. So sick of it all.

Talking and sharing with sympathetic people DOES help. Itisnt a magic wand, but it can soothe a little.

Please come back. Ignore any idiots. No decent, right thinking person would attack someone suffering from mental illness. These idiots are not worth your time. Many of us DO understand and want to help.

Please PM me if you feel the need. I will always be a sympathetic ear for anyone suffering from depression.

xx

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 23/12/2011 15:23

FTM telling you to go to A&E because you are actively suicidal is being supportive. They have a psychiatric liaison service that are trained to help people in crisis.

Loads of people on here have offered support and help. I'm sorry if you have had a different reaction form others but please see this thread for what it is....a lot of people trying to support you through a difficult time.

I hope you keep yourself safe over Christmas and have a lovely time with your children and dh. Please try to focus on the things that have been positive in your day rather than those that have not gone so well.

People are here if you need them.

OliNIvy · 23/12/2011 15:26

I agree with the pp.

Do go to A&E. Just walk in and tell them you are feeling ill and need to speak to a mental health nurse urgently.

Be brave. You can do it. You deserve and need this help.

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 23/12/2011 15:54

FTM,

Hows things now?

Ephiny · 23/12/2011 15:57

To be fair to her, I think bleach meant well. Agree it was somewhat insensitive to start the other thread about you, OP, and understandably it's upset you. But I think she did it because she's concerned about you and wants you to get the help you need and deserve. As we all do.

You haven't 'outstayed' your welcome, or made people fed up, it's not like that at all. You can chat about anything, any time you want and there'll always be someone here, I'm sure, it's the great things about this place.

Selks · 23/12/2011 16:47

I notice Bleach's thread has been deleted. Did it get heated?

BleachBoys · 23/12/2011 17:12

It wasn't heated at the point I last posted on it at lunchtime. I did suggest that if anyone was unhappy with it, they reported it to MNHQ, which I assume is what happened.

For the record, I have not slated the OP, at all, at any time. I genuinely want the best for her, but am trying to raise the idea to her and to other posters, that offering her shoulders to cry on here may in fact be preventing her from seeking access to help in real life. That was what the other thread was about, and I started it because I did not want to sully this thread - I was trying to be considerate. I am only posting here because deletions have got people thinking something awful has gone on, which it really hasn't.

The OP and I have exchanged PM's (and have also done so in the past), and I have been nothing but friendly and supportive, while gently trying to challenge her to see what she is doing by being on MN is actually detrimental to her long-term mental health, as it means she is not forced to seek real life, professional help, which she has in the past (in less upset times) recognised is what she needs.

I should recognise that I am trying here what many others have failed to do in the past - urging the OP to actively seek to resolve her issues rather than post about them - but because I care, I thought I would try. I don't regret that, even if my attempts may have failed.

Her anger at me is fine - she is sad and feeling got at - not because of what I have done, but because I am speaking hard truths which are difficult to hear. I have tried to do that gently, and I am not sure that anyone who has read my posts would disagree with that.

If the OP has decided to take a break from MN, then I wish her the best, and hopes she tales the opportunity to start the ball rolling with getting better in real life.

Best wishes all

Ephiny · 23/12/2011 17:59

It never got heated or nasty. I saw a post from MNHQ right before it disappeared, saying they were deleting because it was a 'thread about a thread', and particularly as it was about a specific person.

madmouse · 23/12/2011 18:01

Bleachboys you say 'but because I am speaking hard truths which are difficult to hear'

Do I think you mean well - absolutely

Do I think you're speaking truths - that's debatable

For what it's worth when I was seriously struggling I needed professional help, real life friends help and MN help to make it. Not one or the other.

Also, professionals, much hyped by you, can only do so much. When you're feeling really bad, seeing a counselor one hour a week leaves you with 167 more hours.

Upwardandonward · 23/12/2011 18:12

I agree with madmouse re: needing different sorts of help - several different kinds are better than one, whether that one is MN or real life support.

liveinazoo · 23/12/2011 18:20

im with madmouse on this one.theres almost always someone rattling around here when you need an ear whereas you might have to wait what feels like infinety for cal with a proffesonal,which isnt always helpful.we all need a bit of nurturing sometimes and especially so when we are down.if youre watching us ftm please rejoin us.i for one am worried about you and am hopiing you will come back and talk with us soon.x

BleachBoys · 23/12/2011 18:34

I hear you ladies, but having 'known' the OP for over 7 years online, I am aware that her needs are very long-standing, and she needs to address them properly. Posting repititively on here, year after year, is not helping her or allowing her to make progress, partly because she is doing it to avoid getting qualified help.

I don't want this to thread to 'turn' so I shall stop posting now. Obviously some people disagree with what I am saying, but that does not mean I am wrong, but having this discussion is not helpful to the OP, so I will cease.

As I have said before, I have urged the OP to get help before she crashes and her family pick up the pieces. Kind people on here, who may have been through similar things may want to offer their help, but really they should let the OP find it in real life. She needs real life help and support, not the bits and pieces strangers on a forum can offer.

Take care all.

BleachBoys · 23/12/2011 18:37

Oh, forgot to say, I am not suggesting people don't reply to the OP, and I never have. But perhaps if she hears 'go to A&E' enough, she might actually do it, rather than 'tell us about it', which doesn't help her as she has been telling us about it for a long, long time.