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Original poster

I have reached the point and I am calm

289 replies

failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 17:16

I need to end my life. I want to end my life. I am at peace with doing it and feel very calm now I have made the decision. I just don't know the best way to do it. I wouldn't lie in front of a train or similar as I don't want anyone else to be affected. I would like to disappear and just do it in the middle of nowhere. There is no one who will miss me so there are no issues there. I just want it over with.

OP posts:
HedleyLamarr · 21/12/2011 19:07

Evening OP, as soon as I saw your thread title I knew what it was about. I bet your mind has been all over the place for ages, and now you've made your decision you're at peace. That's how it was for me too. I hid it from everybody too, and had no-one to talk to. You should tell your DH, sit him down and make him listen to you, tell him exactly how you feel. He will understand, just trust him.

liveinazoo · 21/12/2011 19:08

someone told me once if you dont suffer guilt you aint a proper mum!we all get like that{regularly} but when your mind is on the level; you can ride with it knowing that there will be another day when you go in to check on them when they akip and look fondly at them sleeping and the funny/god thing that happened that day

ballstoit · 21/12/2011 19:09

failing I teach parenting classes. There is no parent I've met that doesn't feel they can't cope from time to time. You can cope, but you need to feel better to do so. Is your DH likely to understand if you talk to him?

neverever · 21/12/2011 19:10

How old are your dc op?

Original poster
failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 19:10

Have already had a message. Why can't people just let me be Sad.

Today was a bad afternoon. I try but it doesn't last. Maybe I give up too soon. I just don'tknow what to do.

OP posts:
ScroogeHadAGoodPoint · 21/12/2011 19:11

Just because you feel this bad doesn't mean that, if you weren't to kill yourself, life wouldn't get better. Honestly, things can improve.

LilTooMuchTurkey · 21/12/2011 19:11

For the rest of their lives your family will feel that you did not care enough about them to seek proper help. You owe it to the people you created to give everything a try. If that means going to hospital for a few weeks/months it has to be better than leaving them forever?

Original poster
failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 19:11

I don't mean the kind PM's by the way.

OP posts:
neverever · 21/12/2011 19:12

What happened today op.

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 21/12/2011 19:12

People care failing

We don't want to let you be - as unhappy as you are

Original poster
failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 19:12

But that is the battle I have. No hospital stay will give me the help I need. I need someone to help me with the children as I don't know how to manage them.

OP posts:
thunderboltsandlightning · 21/12/2011 19:12

What happened this afternoon FTM?

I tell you what, there are lots of bad parents in the world. Really bad parents, who don't care at all about whether they do it right, or more importantly, that they are doing it wrong. You're not one of them. You're being honest that it can be very difficult.

It sounds like you need a lot more support than you're getting at the moment.

LilTooMuchTurkey · 21/12/2011 19:14

Most people who have been on here a while could give a good guess as to who you are. The fact they are sending you messages means that people do care and would care if you weren't here. Listen to what people are telling youn. You can't trust that inner voice.

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 21/12/2011 19:14

OK, that's do-able. What kind of help do you need?

Original poster
failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 19:14

The youngest one has been in trouble at school and will be kicked out if he doesn't stop misbehaving.

OP posts:
Original poster
failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 19:15

I just got all panicky that it is so obvious who I am. I can't handle that.

OP posts:
Doyouthinktheysaurus · 21/12/2011 19:16

Well, people are concerned about you op, for good reason. Clearly you are going through a really tough time, and judging from the number of compassionate replies on this thread, a lot of people want to help.

Please take the advice of people on this thread and seek some rl help.

neverever · 21/12/2011 19:17

There used to be a home start service in my area they would help for a few hours a day, children, chores, anything to take the load off for a bit, I knew a mum with pnd that had them for a while, would there be anything like that inn your area? Have you thought about parenting classes for support if nothing else?

mummylouise · 21/12/2011 19:17

do the school offer any support - some schools offer support for parents and kids.

LilTooMuchTurkey · 21/12/2011 19:17

A hospital stay would mean you didn't need to manage them for a bit. You could get help sorting you out. Then when that's done and you have some perspective you can sort them out.

Of you don't know who would look after them if you were in hospital who would look after them if you were dead?

thunderboltsandlightning · 21/12/2011 19:17

Well that is very upsetting. Does the school have any ideas how to deal with the bad behaviour?

Also, this is something that your dh needs to be dealing with alongside you.

ballstoit · 21/12/2011 19:18

There is help with the children. I'm happy to do parenting coaching by phone or net if you feel that would help. If not, there is definitely help in your area, be it from a Children's Centre or other organisation, ut you have to ask for the help.

If the youngest has been in trouble at school, have they offered any help?

perceptionreality · 21/12/2011 19:18

Please don't do this.

Do you know what, I have been right where you are now - I could have written that post a few years ago op. It is the illness talking.

You can come away from this place and get to a happier one where you will enjoy and appreciate every minute of your life. I have so you can too. Please hang on in there.

liveinazoo · 21/12/2011 19:19

i havent been here long enough and if a had i would want you to reach out to me.parenting classes are great.my h.v did one twice and thinks we should all do them not just for confidence but for a different perspective

SirSugar · 21/12/2011 19:19

I have been where you are, I thought about it for ages, when I got on the tube to work I would stand right at the end where the train enters the station and think if I just jump but I didn't I just sort of carried on and didn't. my H was really abusive and told me all the time how shit I was, as a mother a person I even thought his bad words would kill me. But then H suddenly died of cancer and my life changed and I am all my DCs have and they cling to me and I have to be here for them. I am here for them, they don't care if I shout sometimes because I'm tired or give them dinner a bit late or the house is messy. Children love and always need you