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Original poster

I have reached the point and I am calm

289 replies

failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 17:16

I need to end my life. I want to end my life. I am at peace with doing it and feel very calm now I have made the decision. I just don't know the best way to do it. I wouldn't lie in front of a train or similar as I don't want anyone else to be affected. I would like to disappear and just do it in the middle of nowhere. There is no one who will miss me so there are no issues there. I just want it over with.

OP posts:
Original poster
failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 18:35

No one understands. I know no meds can help as I have been on several and nothing changes. It is emotional help I need, not medicinal. I have lost me and I don't think she will ever come back and in the mean time I am failing.

My head hurts and I feel angry with myself for being so pathetic.

OP posts:
KatieScarlettsCrackers · 21/12/2011 18:36

What would be your ideal emotional help?

fuzzypeach1750 · 21/12/2011 18:37

You're not pathetic. If you feel as if you've lost you why don't you tell me about her?

What was she like? What is she like now?

Let's see if we can start to put you back together.

Original poster
failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 18:38

I do have a friend actually but she is really ill at the moment and I can't contact her.

OP posts:
liveinazoo · 21/12/2011 18:38

being ill is never pathetic sweetheart.no one size fits all and perseverence with dif meds eventually leads to the right combo as long as you are honest how you are feeling.

Original poster
failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 18:38

I am scared you will all go if I tell you that. I have posted before.

OP posts:
fuzzypeach1750 · 21/12/2011 18:39

if you have a friend and she is ill then she needs you now more than ever.

fuzzypeach1750 · 21/12/2011 18:40

Talk to me, I'm not going anywhere.

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 21/12/2011 18:40

I'm here too
x

LilTooMuchTurkey · 21/12/2011 18:40

What are you failing? If you really have no one then the only person who would think you are failing is you. You can change the expectations you have of yourself and suddenly you won't be failing any more.

Right now you can't think of anyone who cares but if we, as strangers, care then you are wrong on that level. And many others I am willing to bet.

You need professional help NOW.

toddlerama · 21/12/2011 18:41

Your life as it is now may well be unbearable - I don't know, only you really know how you are feeling. But no life at all is not the only other option. What about some drastic changes? As someone further up thread said, this feeling can be the catalyst for the life you could be living. The first step needs to be getting the medical help to get you on an even keel and then the world is your oyster. There is no reason for you to be trapped in the life you have if you don't want it, but that doesn't mean you don't have the potential to do something stunningly unique and beautiful. Think about it, please x

Seabright · 21/12/2011 18:41

Would you like someone to meet you? If you could say whereabouts you are, one of us will probably be not too far away

liveinazoo · 21/12/2011 18:42

im not going anywhere either

mummylouise · 21/12/2011 18:43

have u a mental health team??? you can contact them anytime, they will come and see u.

Original poster
failingtoomuch · 21/12/2011 18:44

I feel like I have no one as I don't have any parents/relatives but I do have a husband and children. I want to be well but don't have the strength or space to do it. Going seems the better option as it is over and then my husband and children can get on with their lives without me spoiling things.

OP posts:
BleachBoys · 21/12/2011 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 21/12/2011 18:44

How are things with DH and the children?

mummylouise · 21/12/2011 18:45

u do have ppl then u have a family - does ur husband know how u are feeling - can u talk to him??

fuzzypeach1750 · 21/12/2011 18:45

Your DC need you so very much, even if you don't believe it. Tell us about you, how you became lost and we will figure out how we can find you.

BleachBoys · 21/12/2011 18:45

Go and talk to your husband. Go and hug your children. They DO need you.

controlpantsandgladrags · 21/12/2011 18:48

your children love you and need you. You know that they would not just be able to get on with their lives, don't you?

Please call someone...Samaritans or go to A&E. Are your DH and children there with you?

giveyourselfashiny · 21/12/2011 18:48

U not being there will not help your husband or children, no matter how u chose to do it. Suicide is not the answer.

BeckyBendyLegs · 21/12/2011 18:49

It always amazes me, and impresses me, how people rally to support someone in need on MN in such a short space of time even though they don't know the person in need of support, it is truly lovely. These people really, really care.

Fallingtoomuch your family would be devastated if you left them. They certainly wouldn't just 'get on with their lives' without you 'spoiling' things as you put it. They would be very, very hurt and your children would never forget. Do you think perhaps you want 'things are they are now' to end rather than life itself, the ending of which is irreversible. If you do go, you can't come back. There are lots of people here who have felt as you do now, including me, and come through it to a better place in life.

liveinazoo · 21/12/2011 18:49

your children wouldnt just get on with it.theyd miss their mum.you might not feel special right now nut you always will be to them.x

Ephiny · 21/12/2011 18:50

So you do have a friend - and a family! I'm glad to hear you're not all alone after all. But none of these people want to lose you, least of all your children (they will not be able to just 'get on with their lives' without their mum, it doesn't work like that). What they need is for you to get help and get better and be well and happy again.

Where's your DH now? Does he know you're feeling like this? Can you tell him?