No joy in life

[DeepDeepDown]

I wake up tired and depressed, I go to bed tired and depressed.

Apart from my son, I have absolutely nothing to look forward to in my life.

I have no friends - never really have. Having suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember, I don't seem to have the ability to make friends, and, more unsettling, I don't seem to want to.

My DP is confident, outgoing and has many friends. I find myself finding excuses not to accept dinner/meet-ups as I feel and look like crap and I have nothing of interest to add.

Tonight, we were invited out to a "posh" restaurant by one of DP's business colleagues (unmet by DS and I). I used my son as an excuse not to attend - it being too late. I can't do posh. I wouldn't even know where to begin...

I feel awful. I feel like a bad mother, a bad partner and a bad person.

I don't know how to make myself feel better.

I'm sorry to bore, I just needed to get it out. I have no-one to talk to. My DS and I moved country to be with DP and I miss home/my family/my old (safe) life terribly. I (kinda) knew where I was, at least.

I don't know how to crawl out of this state.

Hi Deep , ive not posted before but i have been following your thread. I didnt want to leave your last post unanswered.
I think you need to talk to your partner about your relationship. You are really going through it right now and it doesnt sound like you are getting any support from him at all.
It might be that he doesnt know what to say - do you think it might be this ?
I think people ( i dont want to generalise here but men especially find it hard) do struggle to understand depression because its not visible.
Maybe you could have a chat , have you actually told him you are depressed and need support from him ?
And i think the intimacy thing needs to be talked about. I know your DP has said he loves you but im guessing you want him to actually show it and initiate things more.
Have you thought about taking medication again ? I understand that it frightens you , ive recently started taking some again myself after being too scared to talk to anyone for 7 years and it is helping. Obviously thats just me and you might not want to - it is your choice !
Hope you are ok today and post an update soon.

can you try fluoxetine min dosage?
this can lift you up a bit to do stuff.
you need to find something to keep you busy there, like your own business something, something you like to do. your boy has grown, he won't need you much, he can meet friends from his school, etc.
you can find other English people there and take their ideas what you can do there.

I hope I didn't sound harsh deep. One of you has to start talking though - you are probably both scared of what might be said....but nothing will change otherwise, and as you said 'something has to change'.

Hi - just wanted to say, I also live in Switzerland (Basel) have been here for 10 years, am British with a 9 year old son.

Switzerland although beautiful is one of the most difficult places to be an expat. It can be an incredibly isolating place to be. It seems to be because of the very reserved and somewhat serious nature of the people here I find!

I've lived in several countries, am an out-going person - and I've had episodes of slight depression and loneliness here too.

I've worked hard - found a great job and have nice colleagues......but for sure, this is still not the easiest of places to be. If you were a bit closer we could meet up.

Hope you're feeling a bit better

Thank you all for continuing to respond.

Well, I am I am set in my mind that I want to go home to England.

Life is unbearable here for me now. There's a horrible cold atmosphere in this house we live in. DP is miserable, too, and often goes into mood. I just want him to give me a hug, but he's so distant.

DP has put his CV on a few UK websites, but I don't know if I want him to return with me. He spends no quality time with either me or DS. He works, he comes home late, he goes to bed early and without me :(

It's all one big mess. On top of this, DS said he's happy here.