I am really struggling with depressed husband....need advice/hugs

[missmoopy]

My dh has suffered from depression on and off - mostly on - for 3 years since the death of his mother. He has not really accepted in the past that he is depressed, but has moments of clarity, usually when I get to end of tether. He has had a few sessions of counselling but dropped out and has not been back.
He has in the past spent a lot of our money on rubbish and nothing in particular, I think as a way of getting comfort. He hasn't done this for a long time. He is very closed off emotionally, he is distant. At good times, I see the funny, warm man I married.
We have had sex 2 times in three years, and not at all in the last year. He assures me he is still attracted to me but just has no libido. I could probably live like that if he was affectionate.
I am rambling, because I don't know what to say and how to keep us together as a family. I don't want us to seperate, but sometimes it feels its for the best. But I know it would break my heart, his heart and my dd's heart.
He has agreed to talk to the doctor, and to consider antidepressants and/or counselling.
It is so hard living with his depression. I feel like I am drowning.

Thanks cest

He got to the GP today, i phoned up for an emergency appointment. He is now on Citolapram (spelling wrong prob sorry). Anyone got any experience of that? Feel releived he has finally got some help. Lets hope he's on the up now.

xx

It may take time for the ADs to kick in, so don't feel downhearted if he remains low for a bit. Did the GP recommend counselling/therapy? You might need to do it privately, but CBT is available on the NHS and could be helpful.

wheresmytractor: Just to say I'm glad your dh got the appointment, and the anti-depressant.
I did have this myself for a few months, and it seems to be very common as have seen many threads for this medication recently.

Some people have had problems with citalopram, but then, we're all different, and Tanee58 is right to say it can seem slow to work. If there are side-effects, these can sometimes clear up with time. I had no problems.

I'm pleased for you getting him some help, and I do hope your dh is soon himself.

Thanks Ladies!

Fingers crossed it'll kick in soon and i'll have my hubby back soon x x

Oh Ladies thank goodness I have found you and this thread!
My DH has struggled with anxiety/depression issues since before we met. I tried to encourage him to get counselling before it bit him on the ass (he has massive issues with his Mum, both his sisters have had counselling). He HATES doctors and has basically refused any help before. Now he is properly depressed and has finally sought help. He's started on citalopram in last week and is waiting for counselling (long waiting list).
We've been TTC (unsuccessfully) for over a year and it reached the point where he was so off sex there's been no chance. It became a vicious cycle basically and now he libido is virtually zero (though I gather some people are worse off than off). I think the worst thing in that respect is I came off citalopram (lots of history on and off and anxiety and depression myself) and the pill at the same time when we decided to TTC and my sex drive went through the roof. Up until then we were pretty evenly matched.
SO my big issues are that I struggle to be understanding...ironic I know with my history but he clamps up and refuses to go anywhere. I can certainly identify with previous posts with flitting between obesessions (Call of Duty anyone?). My other issue is the sexual frustration. I totally understand he doesn't want to have sex but in the good old days he would always "see me right" IYKWM but despite the odd hints I guess he just doesn't want to...I (only half jokingly) suggested getting a rampant rabbit he said he felt emasculated! So...do I just keep taking cold showers?
Any suggestions? AMBU?

Hi, just joining in from a thread I started last week - you're all over here, apparently...

Dh is now taking ADs - Sertraline, anyone? - has been doing so for about eight days. He's also waiting for CBT. They seemed to knock him sideways so the last week has been very hard. I THINK it's geting easier, but he's basically sleeping when he's not working and he's not always working, so I'm panicking a bit about work, who are being very understanding and keeping it informal now, but I don't think he's in any state to cover his own back at the moment, iyswim. I'm knackered, have my own issues mainly to do with work anxiety and I'm terrified of dropping the ball because he clearly isn't coping with anything atm. He cries when I mention money but won't let me see his last bank statment although I've seen his balance. I know, sounds suspicious, but I think it's about him not wanting me to take control of everything.

Bex I have the opposite situation to you! He wants it all the time, even when he doesn't....

Haven't read whole thread but what do you do when DH is so depressed that he wont take ADs because he doesn't care about himself, and won't ask GP for a counsellor because he doesnt care and wouldnt go anyway because he wont leave the house?????????

speak to GP about making a house call.

depends how "bad" he is.

and how it affecting you/your DC.

That sounds very hard, Laragazza. Is there a crisis team in your area? Is there someone else he might respond to? (no offence).