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I am really struggling with depressed husband....need advice/hugs

84 replies

missmoopy · 27/09/2010 21:59

My dh has suffered from depression on and off - mostly on - for 3 years since the death of his mother. He has not really accepted in the past that he is depressed, but has moments of clarity, usually when I get to end of tether. He has had a few sessions of counselling but dropped out and has not been back.
He has in the past spent a lot of our money on rubbish and nothing in particular, I think as a way of getting comfort. He hasn't done this for a long time. He is very closed off emotionally, he is distant. At good times, I see the funny, warm man I married.
We have had sex 2 times in three years, and not at all in the last year. He assures me he is still attracted to me but just has no libido. I could probably live like that if he was affectionate.
I am rambling, because I don't know what to say and how to keep us together as a family. I don't want us to seperate, but sometimes it feels its for the best. But I know it would break my heart, his heart and my dd's heart.
He has agreed to talk to the doctor, and to consider antidepressants and/or counselling.
It is so hard living with his depression. I feel like I am drowning.

OP posts:
fudgesmummy · 06/10/2010 13:23

liath,he is becoming horribly cheerful,which is always a bad sign. friends who live with "normal"partners think cheerful is good-no, when with in the space of a few days he goes from suicidal to cheerful its not a good sign at all.
He says I treat him like an annoying,naughty child a lot of the time.Although our own dcs are grown up I work for 60 hrs a week with children and I know I do.Our relationship is very unbalanced and is definably not that of a husband and wife most of the time.
Re the blaming thing I don't feel he blames me for his illness although I do know that he feels I was partly to blame for him having the affair(not giving him enough attention,being loving etc which is very true,I was a crap wife then)

missmoopy · 09/10/2010 11:07

Having a really bad day today. Its me thats feeling low today though! Just wondering how others cope without sex/affection?
I haven't got particularly high sex drive but I do feel like am going slightly mad with frustration!
Whenever we talk about it dh says we will have sex again but it just never happens, he says he still finds me attractive but has no libido...

OP posts:
livinginazoo · 09/10/2010 14:46

The depression really does destroy their libido! I find that when he is having a good period, I need to take advantage!! Wink

The lack of affection is really hard, and after all this time I find that the other thing I find difficult is my family. As my relationship with them is getting more and more strained. I had many issues with them before all this started, certain aspects of my relationship with them fulfills many of the toxic criteria that I keep reading about. But the heartbreaking part for me in this situation, is that they make many demands of me to involve them, but at the same time they are unable to give me any of the support that I desperately need and with that start making things all about them i.e. if we are having a bad period and I am less communicative because frankly I am exhausted trying to cope and stay in a positive mood, they start getting cold and demanding, insist that I bare my soul "so they can advise me", then proceed to use this information to gossip about what a screw up I am to people I would prefer not to be involved, send me mail in my maiden name, get offended if I am too exhausted looking after the kids to answer the phone at the particular moment they decide to dial. If I am sounding happier, my mother tells me that I can't expect her to be happy for me because it is so up and down.

It is just so hard that when you need a friend and a hug that you can't get it from your own parents. If they think this is tiring for them....! And I have tried keeping them out of it as they obviously can not or will not support me properly, but get sucked back in by them each time. It is just an extra see saw ride to deal with.

I need to learn how to create boundaries with them, so that I can have a relationship with them that is healthy for me. That is so difficult, as I feel like a 12 year old in their presence who is constantly being reprimanded. Hilarious when you take a step away and look at the situation, less funny when you are dealing with that as well as a partner with depression.

oohhh offloading feels so good!

On the positive side, we are having a good end of the week, his mood is much more under his control and he proactively went to see the GP and is making all the right moves and calls to get the treatment he needs so desperately. I think he really frightened himself earlier this week when he started blaming me for everything. It just makes me so happy!

livinginazoo · 09/10/2010 14:47

Oh yes... coping without the affection, going to cafes, eating cake, and shopping. Short term measures. That and extra cuddles with the children Smile.

livinginazoo · 09/10/2010 14:49

Or phone a really good friend, one who is able to not take sides or give advice, and who can tell you how utterly amazing you are for coping so bloody brilliantly with everything!!!

liath · 09/10/2010 20:43

Or alternatively develop a crush on one's therapist Blush.

DH texted today that he loved me which is major progress. I'm not cut out for celibacy htough - this sucks Sad.

missmoopy · 09/10/2010 21:22

Hubby often tells me he loves me; trouble is I don't always feel loved by him. Its been a bad day, but we have talked a bit and he seems to be finally realising how I feel.

(I am not cut out for celibacy either. Sometimes I feel like I could jump on the first semi attractive male who smiles at me!)

OP posts:
missmoopy · 11/10/2010 20:09

Another bad day here. Saw a friend hadn't seen for a while who had had seen hubby at a social event. She said my dh seemed "miserable and unhappy" and wondered what was wrong with him. It made me feel very sad and also made me realise that other people have noticed.
It also made me remember what a joyful, wonderful man he once was and how much fun he used to be to be around.
I don't know if I can keep living like this. But whats the alternative?

OP posts:
liath · 11/10/2010 20:38

Sad missmoopy. Horrible illness. It's stolen away DH.

livinginazoo · 12/10/2010 08:50

MissMoopy, you mentioned at the start that he was willing to see his GP, take ADs, get counselling? These will help. Getting the depressed person to acknowledge (to themselves) that they are not in a normal mindframe is half the battle, it is a bit like an alcoholic not admitting that they have a drinking problem, because their negative thought patterns are their norm, and they do not want to get better. But the ADs really do help (not cure but make them more responsive, sort of taking the edge off), and psychiatric counselling really does help, not quickly (achingly slowly in fact) but it gives them the tools to fight these negative spirals (through CBT usually). So if you can get him to go for help from professionals, there is hope of getting your old DP back.

I think the other thing I was shocked at about depression, it is a bit like miscarriage... more people than you realised have suffered it first hand or through loved ones, it is just not really spoken about, but when it happens to you people start to open up about it more. So there are a lot of recovered depressives out there who live normal lives. This thought gives me hope at least!

missmoopy · 12/10/2010 17:56

I had a huge long chat with a very good friend last night which helped a lot. I think I give him a hard time a lot and react to every nuance or slight. I think I have just become so hyper aware of his mood that I have lost the ability to relax around him. The biggest thing I need to do is to back off I think, as in, support more, criticise less.

I realise from talking to my friend that I am putting pressure on to us both and perhaps if I ease off things may improve. I have to accept that he now recognises the problem but doesn't have a magic wand to make it all go away. I need to give him time.

It doesn't mean I am giving up, I think it means I am going to try to allow us to be less stressed. I feel like I cause/trigger a lot of the arguments.

We are going to stay with family for a few days over half term which I was dreading but now am seeing as chance to get free babysitter and maybe take dh out for dinner/drink and just be us.

The sex is going to have to wait I suppose....maybe I need to take up extreme sports or something to get a buzz instead!?

OP posts:
livinginazoo · 12/10/2010 20:13

I think that sounds like such a good plan. I agree, it is so hard not to get wound up by the emotional distance and strange behaviours and mood swings, but maybe by taking the pressure off it will make it easier for both of you. I feel that that is what I am naturally beginning to do now too, after years of not understanding what was happening and picking fights over behaviour that was not under his complete control because of the depression. I guess it is also about becoming less codependent of the depressive as it is so easy to mirror their moods. You should take up something fun that you've always wanted to do!! And be especially nice to yourself! Go and book a spa day just for you! Or whatever it is that will make you feel special.

missmoopy · 12/10/2010 20:33

livinginazoo thankyou for kind wise words
talked to dh hubby when he got in from work and explained that I now realise I overreact to everything he does/says and am hyper aware of moods, and he said that he knows, and that also affects his behaviour...hence viscious circle. It felt nice being able to say 'I am going to relax and let you do this in your time'. I already feel calmer and he has ordered us both takeaway!

OP posts:
liath · 13/10/2010 07:54

That Living with Depression book talks about creating a sort of imaginary bubble around yourself which I find quite a useful analogy. Very hard not to let their mood impact, though. I'm off to see my GP next week about my insomnia which I know is due to worry about DH's illness. There is still talk of him needing ECT and we're more than 3 months since this episode started Sad. I'm hanging onto his consultant telling me that he was 99% certain DH would make a full recovery - hope he wasn't fobbing me off!!

Extreme sports is a great idea. I've always fancied fell running!

missmoopy · 13/10/2010 18:10

((((liath)))
Sounds very difficult. Consultants tend to tell the truth, they have no reason to lie so try to hold onto the 99%.

OP posts:
Rorogeorge · 07/02/2011 19:15

Sorry to add in so late, just found your thread. Searching for help for a non cooperative, apathetic husband who is suffering with depression but will not go to the GP. Gp spoke to me about it the other day when I went in with an injury sustained in an argument ( see old thread)

She is concerned but agrees the problem is with him. He is not in control of his stress.

He has started playing fighting games on the xbox more and more and withdrawing into activities which mean he doesn't have to communicate. We haven't had sex for at least 5 weeks which is quite a long time for us. I have tried dropping hints but he doesn't seem interested in spending quality time with me.

I just wondered if you had any ideas about what I could do to get him to the docs when he is burying his head in the sand at all turns.. thanks :)

cestlavielife · 07/02/2011 22:37

issue an ultimatum - make it a deal breaker.

"i have made an appointment for you on xx day with GP. I willcome with you. you come and we can discuss or you leave and go stay elsewhere/with your mother/with xxx for a while"

make a double-time appt with GP so you have more time. march him there. no arguments.

then take it from there

madmouse · 07/02/2011 23:01

Listen to Cestlavie - she's right

Remember that depression makes you selfish

You need to rub him nose first in the fact that it's not just him, but that he has a family to consider. .

livinginazoo · 08/02/2011 15:15

Rorogeorge - has your husband been diagnosed with depression? I assume he does not as he hasn't been to the GP. There is not a lot you can do to make him realise that he is not thinking normally, but perhaps doing one of those depression tests on the net or going along with him to the GP and pinpointing his odd behaviour?

On another point, you mention 'injury sustained in an argument' and 'the problem is with him' - am I correct in reading that he was violent towards you? Men with depression are aggressive and irritable - yes, but violence... well, if that was me I would either make him move out and sort himself out without your support, or if you truly feel it might be a one-off march him to the GP and embarrass him into taking responsibility for his problems.

Tanee58 · 09/02/2011 14:26

Hallo, it's been interesting reading this thread - so many resonances with life chez nous. My DP's depression is compounded by an alcohol dependency, and in both, he's 'high-functioning'. Most people wouldn't know he was depressed, nor that he drinks, as he confines it to the evenings.

Rorogeorge, as cestlavie said, you need to give him an ultimatum. My DP's depression developed over 3 years until his behaviour drove me to getting the house valued (he'd often talked of splitting up and selling up, but never did anything about it). I showed him the estate agent's brochure, left out leaflets for flats that I was considering, wrote down a 'spider diagram' of his behaviour and how it was affecting me and my daughter, and what alternatives we all had. and told him that either he and I saw the GP and organised therapy, or that was that. The ultimatum worked, we are now seeing a very good counsellor and the improvement in him over the past couple of months is marked. Still a long way to go, but he's more affectionate and responsive, and where before, he said everything seemed dark, with no hope, he now sees that there might be a way forward. He won't take ADs but, so far, the therapy is helping.

The trouble with depression is that it's an invisible illness and family/friends aren't always able to understand - or cope with it long-term. But like any illness/disability, we have a choice whether to go, or stay. In my case, I'm staying, but only because DP made the choice (after my ultimatum) to seek treatment, and only because he's been able to tell me that, ultimately, he knows that he's happier with me, than without.

You know, what we need is an organisation like AlAnon - DepressivesAnon would be good - somewhere, like this thread, where the families of depressives could go, for support and sharing.

cestlavielife · 09/02/2011 16:25

there needs to be a uk version of depresion fallout
www.depressionfallout.com/
but there are soem uk posters ont ehre and it does have valuable insight on setting boundaries etc.

anne sheffield's book is a must read too -
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0609804154/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=103612307&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0060009349&pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_r=10TXEM1398B667S58WFQ

but if there is anger/agression even violence - then read concurrently with
"why does he do that inside the minds of angry men" so you can try and establish where the lines are drawn ....

www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1297268689&sr=1-1

Rorogeorge · 09/02/2011 18:55

He hasn't been diagnosed, no, he came to the conclusion himself after weeks of trying to hide the symptoms and put on a brave face. He had been so grumpy and irrational and we eventually had a big row, prompting him to open up and admit it to me and himself.

I had a long chat with the GP who thinks issues from the past need to be dealt with and they are causing him to lose control of himself when stressful situations occur.

He was not intentionally violent towards me- threw something in my direction in anger and frustration at himself I think, but he finds it easier to try and blame me. He has since admitted that was all him and not me.

Things are a bit better at the moment, but I worry that, as my GP has suggested, when a stressful situation arises again he will become withdrawn, moody, tired and irritable again.

Thank you C'est la vie- your comments are very helpful.

Rorogeorge · 09/02/2011 18:57

Living in a zoo, he did read up on the symptoms online and I think that's how he came to the conclusion he is depressed. He won't go to the doc as he thinks they won't be able to do anything.

wheresmytractor · 13/02/2011 21:33

mmmm... glad i found this thread, its ringing bells for me. DH said tonight that he thinks he needs to see a doctor as he sobbed on my shoulder Sad

He is a teacher and has worked hard to get to head of department but the last year has not been very happy. Just this last 3 months he has really slid down hill. He had some observations at work and then an Ofsted and on the first occasion had a massive panic attack and i drove him straight to A&E. He also has asthma so i was worried he was having an attack. I had to drop him off as i have a 3 year old and an 18 month old and am now 14 weeks pregant too...DS cried and cried to see daddy in such a state. He keeps asking " are you happy mummy?" "whats the matter mummy?" In truth I am far from happy.

I want to be happy about the baby (unplanned)but i just worry all the time about DH and his anxiety. When Ofsted came he spent all night pacing and crying and shaking. He still amazingly went to work but broke down (luckily in front of collegues not ofsted)

He has so far refused to accept any medical help as he thinks if he goes on AD he will be labelled mental and will never work anywhere ever again as you have to declare it. But i feel if he doesn't go on AD and start coping he is either going to be on long term sick (career screwed he says) or he will get fired. He is not marking his coursework, dealing with books, he is simply NOT functioning. I don't know how to help, i take the kids off every weekend and give him time to get on with work but i fear he just paces up and down Sad. He is in tears everyday. He sighs all the time. He doesn't sleep, he says he is perpetually tired. He says he feels trapped.

If he does quit his job or get the sack i just don't know what will become of us. We would probably have to sell the house, i just can't bear it.

On top of it all i have my 91 year old gran in a care home up the road who is emotionally needy/dementia is setting in. I moved her up 16 months ago. She is my mums mum and my mum died 4 years ago suddenly. I have no siblings and my dad is actually my step dad and not interested in my children in any real sense. I feel SO ALONE.

SOrry for the ramble, i am feeling shit.

cestlavielife · 13/02/2011 23:06

take him to GP in the morning. book a double appt so he has time to talk.

find out from teachers union what situation is re: work