Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will- Part II

[madmouse]

Help we left it too late the old thread is full!!! Hope we all find this one!!!

Get Down . So pleased for you x

Just a quick We are off to sister in law's today for an early Christmas lunch!

So won't be around much today.

Hope we are all ok today.

getdown enjoy yourself :)

I'm waiting for a callback from OOH over more antibiotics. Not a happy bunny

hi all just back from london where we stayed with DP's parents. I've come back alone as DD better but still not well enough for nursery, DP not well enough for work or to have her on his own, and I have to go to work tomorrow. It was the only solution as this house not big enough to have them here. Feels wrong being here on my own .

I just have to get through tomorrow, Wednesday and Friday at work then I'm off for Christmas. DD and DP coming back on Tuesday, hopefully to stay. I've been so worried about both DP & DD but they are improving.

Well done everyone seems to be getting on OK from my quick read. Amazing news getdown!

My sleep has been pretty good though got woken up last night by a big fight outside the house - well it is South London! - had to call the police and everything. Bit too exciting for 4am.

Hi arcadia sorry to hear you?ve had to come back on your own and that DP and DD are still not well. Must be strange and quiet in your house. Hope they get better soon, must be worrying for you. I?m sure things will sort themselves out. It?s a busy time of year and it?s easy to get run down with the busy-ness of it all.

I wonder if I can have a rather self indulgent mope

Terrible night for me Awake till 3:30 am then up again at 6:30 for work.

I?m sorry to say it but this TTC thing is starting to stress me out! We are trying the ?every other day? strategy but I am knackered, and SO not in the mood! Last night was awful. So not enjoyable (for me anyway) and I ended up sobbing afterwards This is not the way it should be. I feel awful for DH because he is really lovely, but it?s me, there is something wrong with me. Just can?t seem to, well, enjoy it. It?s horrible.

Do you think I am unconsciously fearing another pregnancy and what it might do to me? My body is just not cooperating with my mind.

I don?t know whether we should be taking a break from the TTC to be honest. Just so tired. Really struggled to sleep as I was so anxious and upset, had that horrible acidy stomach pain from all the worrying, I had a really bad headache and was so uncomfortable.

It?s such a busy time for us, with all the birthdays and Christmas and everything. It?s my birthday on Thursday but I just want it all to go away Just want to curl up in a ball and hibernate till spring.

Did all the rest of my Christmas cards last night, had to rush out and get a secret santa present for work as they didn?t tell me till yesterday they are doing it today. Got work Christmas ?do? today. Had to get to work early today. DH?s birthday on Christmas eve. All the presents to wrap and a few more still to get.

Arrrgh. Stop the world, I want to get off

GetDown poor you. Slow down! You're ok. You've over-analysing. You're tired. It is just 11 days before Christmas and a very stressful time - give yourself a bit of a break (as in be kind to yourself). Take a break (as in TTCing) if you feel it is too much at the mo. Talk to your DH. Wait until the new year and just enjoy this month, have a 'special cuddle' if you feel like it, don't if you don't. You might concieve, you never know, but so what if you don't? There's next month still, and the one after that, and after that.

Your DH's birthday is the day before mine :) Don't you think it is kind of cool being a December baby? I like having my birthday at Christmas.

I also have all the pressies to wrap - get in the mood - put some cheesy Christmas music on, drink some mulled wine, that's what I do when I need to wrap presents.

Getdown yep that is your famous overthinking after a bad night.

If you would be that scared of getting pregnant again it is remarkable that you got pregnant so quickly a few weeks ago.

Just take it easy. You know you can conceive fairly easily, just relax, a few more months doesn't matter. When we tried for ds we never counted anything, just had fun and hoped for the best - it only took 7 months and that was after 10 years on the pill.

Go easy on yourself hun - remember what Christmas is really about and don't worry too much about getting all the commercial stuff 'right'

Big hug xx

thanks both I know I am being a silly sausage (again) Just need to chill out really.

Hoping for some better sleep tonight and hopefully things will look a bit rosier in the morning!

becky I never really liked being a december baby, although it's funny talking to other people in the "club" e.g. the old "Oh so do you get two presents, or one big one??" Fine when you are 8 years old, but when you get to 30+ gets a bit wearing!

I get all the usual comments / questions:
Wow, Christmas Day, really?
Oh your poor mum!
So do you get joint presents / a big one?
Do you have a party in the middle of June?
Oh you poor thing!
So you never get to have a birthday party / so you get to be off work every year and have a party.

I still kind of like it though as people do tend to feel sorry for you and I must admit I milk it a bit. I've never cooked a Christmas dinner!

I suppose there are some advantages!

Hi

I didn't have a very good night:( I woke up at about one to go to the loo and then didn't get back to sleep for ages. Think I must've dropped off about half past four.

I was a bit restless last night aswell. I find once I'm awake I can't seem to switch off. There's too much going on in the day I think.

Oh well another busy day ahead. I'm looking forward to DH coming home on Sunday. I've been missing adult company especially at the weekends.

Hope you had a better night GetDown.

DS1 has a tummy bug. I am an anxiety bunny :( I've hardly slept either as I slept in his bed with him. I am terrified of getting this bug. House smells of illness. Poor little man, I just want to take it away from him too.

On a lighter note: happy birthday GetDown!

Hi Becky poor you, I know how hard you find it and how anxious you get. But it will pass soon and you will cope. Thinking of you..

Orangeflutie I hope you got some sleep after your difficult day yesterday.

Getdown happy birthday

I'm off to see my counsellor at 10 - for the last time. and and

feel tense

written her a card and bought her a little new clock as the clock she brings to our meetings always stops working

Wondering whether it is good or bad that the rest of the day and in fact every day until Monday night is madly busy!

Madmouse good luck today - will be thinking of you :)

Busy is good - it is for me anyway.

Orangeflutie yeah for the return of your DH!

Becky Sorry you've had such a bad night. I hope DS1 gets better soon. I know how worrying it is when they're ill, especially when you have three and are worried about them all coming down with it. Hope it's over quickly.

Happy Birthday Getdown :)

Madmouse I hope it all goes well today for you. I imagine you've got quite mixed feelings about it all.

I slept ok last night until 4.00 when my DD3 came in as she had a bad dream. She went back to sleep in my bed but I couldn't get back to sleep at all. Just lay there worrying and got myself into a state:( The early waking is starting to become a pattern again. I just wanted to sleep and forget everything for a while.

Sorry to whinge am just really struggling and hate feeling like this:(

I've just got back from a run. Made myself go out to try and stop thinking and distract myself a bit.

It seems to have worked for the moment. A combination of Jimmy Somerville, Cranberries and some other good 80s music on my ipod whilst running seems to have shut my head up for a bit. Am feeling a little calmer.

Poor you becky, I know what it is like. Someone only has to mention tummy bugs and I start feeling sick and quite a few times I've gone to bed with a bucket thinking I'm going to be ill but I think it's been in my head!

Happy birthday getdown lots of winter babies on here!

Hope your last session with your counsellor goes well madmouse it could be quite an emotional time for you.

My little family are lots better and back home thankfully.

An interesting thing is that I had a whole week where I slept well (due to help from in-laws) but wierdly didn't feel much different to when I think I've slept really badly, so I think some of my 'bad sleep' symptoms the next day are imagined or stress related. Just an observation that I think is helping me move on from my sleep anxiety.

Sorry you were awake this morning orangeflutie I am exactly the same. If something wakes me around that time I find it really hard to get back to sleep but it's too early to feel that you've had enough sleep isn't it, which is really annoying.

I'm now starting a grievance procedure at work [scared] because my boss went back on the conversation we had last Wednesday, and sent me a really unpleasant email which I received on Monday morning. I left work in tears and am off sick. I saw a lovely locum GP on tuesday where I was sobbing hysterically who was really understanding and supportive. I've been consulting a solicitor and she has helped me to get the grievance procedure going. I know it may well result in me losing my job but I'm way to angry to give up because my boss basically lied to me .

thank you so much for the birthday messages you are all very kind! I find birthdays a bit overwhelming. When to my ladies group this morning and kept quiet about it, but one of them spotted it on FB so told everyone, and they all sang happy birthday and I was very

becky sorry to hear DS has a tummy bug. Is he actually being sick, or just a bit off colour? Sorry you had a rough night, it's hideous. Keep telling yourself it will only be a couple of days at most. And it's nearly the weekend so DH will be around to help. Hugs.

madmouse what a milestone - your last counselling session! How thoughtful of you to get her a new clock. She will be able to look at it and always remember you. You've come such a long way. I know it's a wobbly moment, when you are "deemed to be better" (I know I always feel like I am going to go downhill suddenly when support is removed) but remember all you've learnt, and this is not the end, it's just the beginning, that support is still available should you need it again.

orangeflutie sorry to hear you were worrying from 4am onwards. I am like that too. If DD gets into our bed I can never get back to sleep. Sometimes I get really bad stomach aches just from all the acidy worrying - it's horrible So sorry you are feeling like this, are you getting stressed about Christmas? Or is it lots of things all at once? It's good DH is going to be around again to help you. You're not whinging, we all need to vent sometimes, and here is a very good forum Good to hear you've had a run, I always find it helps to have a run too.

arcadia glad that DP and DD are back home now. I think you've hit on a really important point there - re. feeling not that much different even after a week of good sleep. I think we (me included) are very good at seeing things black and white i.e. good sleep = I am fine, bad sleep = I will feel awful. But there is so much more to it. I've often felt bad on days where I've not slept well the night before, and had some terrible nights where the next day I've actually been ok. Write it down in your PST notebook and keep reminding yourself of the fact!
re your boss - I am so sorry! That sounds awful. He sounds like a nasty piece of work. Sor sorry you are off work sick today. You must be feeling so angry and stressed. What is the grievance about? You poor thing.

I found out at work yesterday that my post has been deleted and I will prob be made redundant. Not entirely unexpected, but it's still not a nice feeling. Esp the day before your birthday and 10 days before Christmas! They have great timing don't they.

Ah well, lovely ladies, have a good day. DH is "cooking" for me tonight - should be "interesting"

GetDown he was sick at midnight (DH attended to him - I slept through the whole bed changing action). Then at 2am I found him sick again everywhere. Another bed change. So I then crawled into bed with him as he got no warning at all. I was awake then except a bit of light dozing all night. He's much better now and is even going to manage a bit of spag on toast! I just have this phobia about vomitting (me, that is, I could handle him fine). The house looks like a Chinese laundry with all the bedding drying around everywhere. DS1 has missed his class Christmas dinner and party. So not fair, poor little man.

Arcadia wow! I think it is fab that you are fighting this.

GetDown :( at your job. But, weren't you considering a career change anyway not long ago? Perhaps this is a cloud with a silver lining??

Well better go dish lunch up before DS3 eats the cat in hunger...

Basically I am being paid less than colleagues of same qualification (and less experience) and he has lied about it too! . I arranged a meeting with him and he was really nice to my face and we had a really good conversation where he seemed concerned and caring and he said he'd check the figures. Then I returned to work to a horrible email going back on what he said and completely different in tone. A couple of other issues too. He is a powerful and well respected person and not someone you want to have a run-in with but I'm so angry that I'm going to go for it! Don't feel I have much to lose. The pay is so c**p anyway. Can put my career on hold for a couple of years whilst DD is little. And DP likely to be made redundant next year but then we'd be free to go anywhere and do anything. At least finally DP seems to realise that I'm justified and is being fairly supportive.

It's wierd when it first happened (Monday) I was just devastated because I suddenly felt I couldn't trust anyone and what a horrible place the world is. I was saying stuff like this to the GP on Tuesday between sobs!

DD helps me keep things in perspective. When she's smiling and happy nothing else seems important (corny I know!).

getdown I know how you feel about maybe not having a job soon but I'm trying to look on the bright side and see the possibilities... I hope it works itself out alright for you and you may be inspired to try something different.

becky that's a shame about your DS missing his christmas party . It always seems to happen - christmas happens at the time of year when there are the most illnesses going around! And all the gatherings around christmas time don't help to contain the germs!

Happy Birthday Get Down . Hope you have a lovely meal!!

Madmouse - hope today all went ok. Im sure you'll have mixed feelings about it - but its one more step forward x

Hi

Not a great night for me. I went to bed about half past ten and couldn't get to sleep so in the end took two sominex. I think I slept a bit but was very restless and kept getting hot. This morning I feel a bit shaky. Oh well last school day for a while for my DDs so won't have to get up early in the morning for a while.

How is everyone else today?

Orangeflutie poor you. Me and you both.

I did all the wrong things last night. Couldn't sleep, panicked, anxiety about illness, more panic, lay awake, panic, eventually dropped off at about 2.30am.

life is not good today. But I feel so selfish - it's all me. I don't have any important issues really just stupid anxieties.

hi orangeflutie and becky. Sorry you both had not great nights. Mine wasn't brilliant either.

Becky you're not selfish to have anxieties! You can't help it and you're doing everything you can to try and stop being that way, but sadly some of us are just wired to be anxious. The flip side of anxiety is being someone who is very motivated, conscientious and energetic!

Oh dear sorry to hear about the bad nights ladies. I think everyone has a lot on their minds at the moment with Christmas coming, so it's not surprising really.

becky it's not selfish, I agree with arcadia you can't help it, you've been doing everything you can to help yourself get over this. You have come such a long way, you just have to keep reminding yourself that these bad nights are few and far between now.

DH and I were supposed to be going out to a restaurant tonight but babysitter has just cancelled PANTS.