Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will- Part II

[madmouse]

Help we left it too late the old thread is full!!! Hope we all find this one!!!

Hi Madmouse poor you - I've heard that co-codamol is heavy stuff! I hope you are looking after yourself.

DS3 is still poorly, he's ok, he looks so pale though and red-eyed. He falls asleep on my lap every evening. He's eating cheese on toast happily at the mo. though so a good sign me thinks.

Hi everyone sorry to hear about all the illnesses!
It's germ central here. We're all ill and ended up with DD at the emergency doctor's again last night at midnight . Freaked out by her coughing til she was sick (bringing up what little we'd managed to get down her- mainly grapes - yuk!) and gluey eyes. She's just not herself at all, though today hopefully there's a slight improvement. Could be similar to your DS3 Becky?

Hope you're OK getdown it must be your DD's birthday around now?

Sorry to hear you're really unwell madmouse. I always take co-codamol for period pain and I do sleep well on it! Though be a bit careful as codeine is highly addictive ! (an opiate).

Good news is I finally have a good GP - yay! - who treats me like an intelligent adult and is not patronising. She agrees that zopiclone is highly addictive as are most sleeping pills. She's also open minded which is important. She thinks I'm coping pretty well at the mo. and she thinks I'm anxious rather than depressed. Am seeing her again in a couple of weeks.

Hi all

Oh dear illnesses and snow all round. Doesn't make for happy bunnies!

I totally zonked out after dinner last night and was practically unconscious! Had to go up to bed straight away and slept right through till 6am then again till 8. I must have been knackered! (oh the red wine may have had something to do with it as well I suppose!!)

Just got back from the mother and baby unit Christmas party. They have it every year and I've been back for the past 3 years. It's strange to be back there. So familiar but also really weird. Lots of awful memories from that place, but the staff are all so lovely. They really appreciate seeing the mums come back, and seeing them really well

DD is 3 on saturday!! Having a party tomorrow so been busy trying to get everything ready. I've been a lazy busy mummy and bought a cake - last year I made one, but it took nearly a whole day and cost more than a bought one, so not going to bother this year!

Hi guys

well I'm back from hospital where I've spent the night...

The GP surgery called me back last night for abnormal blood results and a test had shown that they suspected I might have a blood clot on my lungs so I had to go to hospital asap. Rang my friend to ask for babysitting and he rushed over without even tying his shoe laces...

Spent the whole evening in A&E (ECG, heparin jabs, more bloods..) before being admitted - horrible night as my bed was on the Emergency Unit next to the nurses station, and I shared the ward with 3 octogenarians at least one of whom was very very confused.

Then spent the morning on the ward being prodded again and then had a CT scan in the afternoon which finally confirmed no bloodclots just a nasty infection.

So glad to be home - did ds's bedtime, had a shower and am now totally exhausted...

How's everyone been?

Madmouse!!!!! Oh my!!!! Glad you're ok xxx

Bad night for me; full of anxiety and I don't know why so didn't sleep very well :(. DS3 woke up three times and I left DH to attend to him so full of guilt about being a bad / fair-weather mother.

Becky sorry you had a bad night - remember how long it is since you had one!

And how does your DH tending to his own little boy make you a fair weather mother? I'm really telling you off for that one! You've been working hard looking after him with him being poorly.

So be kind to yourself today!

I was in bed by 9 last night, so weary. I took ventolin, paracetamol and 2 nytol and slept with two brief interruptions (once as ds was crying) until 7.45 this morning

Still need ot take it easy grr - am now chilling after orting washing, putting some clean away and switching the machine on

Won't be able to sing and play guitar in church tomorrow probably - well people will get it seeing that my friend rang church office yesterday and had me put on the prayer list in the notice sheet...

So sorry madmouse what an awful couple of days you've had I was offline yesterday as it was DD's birthday party - knackering! But good. Glad we did it.

becky sorry you had a bad night. Just keep reminding yourself of all the coping strategies you've learnt. And tonight will be better.

GetDown happy birthday to your DD! Did she have a good day? How did it go?

I'm just being a silly sausage. I need to pull my socks up and stop feeling sorry for myself.

Oh Madmouse you've had a dreadful time:( I really sympathise, when I first read your earlier post I thought you might have pneumonia. At least it wasn't a blood clot but it's no fun hanging around in hospital. My DH had a TIA in Feb last year and we were in A and E all day whilst they did tests.

Hope you have a better day today.

Becky I really hope tonight is better for you and your DS3. At least your DH woke up:)

GetDown hope your DD had a lovely Birthday. My little niece will be three later this month. I don't know where the time's gone.

I woke up this morning coughing but had a fairly good night. I thought it had rained in the night and was so pleased when I opened the curtains this morning and saw green grass and a patio table yay!:) The snow has nearly all gone.

I walked into town with the dds this morning. So happy it's the first time we've been properly out of the house for days. It also means I'll be able to drive them to church later for their Nativity rehearsals.

DH has put DS3's (and DS1's and DS2's) baby clothes on freecycle. He's just forwarded the reply to me and it rendered me a tearful wreck. What does this mean? I don't think I want any more but...

Ahhh, becky. It's the end of an era.

Did you sleep better last night?

DD goes up from creche at church today to the "Sparklers" group!! Very grown up!

I don't want it to be the end of an era :( I never, ever thought I'd want four children but, juts one more?? Is that too crazy?

I slept well and that's considering I went out last night, back at midnight, bed at 12.30 after making myself read for 20 mins thinking 'if I read I'll clear my head and sleep better even if I end up going to bed later'. It worked!

GetDown that's so sweet about your DD!!

Oh Becky I do believe the longing for more children never really goes.

I'd managed to convince myself I didn't want any more, too old etc but I was having a coffee with one of my clients a couple of weeks ago and around us were about four tiny babies. I suddenly got this awful longing and felt a bit teary:( I can't actually have any more now as I was sterilised in April and had I thought definitely decided to have no more. I think it was the noises they were making and it brought back memories of cuddles and that lovely baby smell.

I'm still hoping my sister will have another soon and then at least I can get my baby fix:)

madmouse - sorry you are having such a horrible time - hope you're feeling a bit better today.

Becky - i was desperate for another child when my two were small but wasnt able to have anymore. I though that feeling would never go - but now that they are 11 I really dont have it anymore - think its probably because they are so much older so starting again would be such a big deal.

Hope you all dont mind me posting on here today. Had been doing really well but started to feel shaky on friday. It feels a bit like Im a jigsaw where all the pieces have been put back together in slightly wrong way. . Feel quite weepy and low and disappointed really because everything seemed to be going well.

Ive just been on moodscope where you can monitor your mood. The good news is that I havent filled it in for 53 days. (Basically when i feel ok I just forget about it). Bad news is that mood has clearly dropped. Going to do what I can to try and control x

Hi all.

Sorry to hear you are feeling bad again kizzie. Of course no one minds you posting, this is just as much your thread as anyone elses . I am so sorry you are feeling low. What meds are you on at the moment, have you reduced at all again lately? Has anything happened to ?trigger? a dip? How?s work going, are you under a lot of pressure?

Remember that this depression business is a bumpy ride. It doesn?t mean you are going downhill again, you are just having a dip, but the good thing about dips is that they are followed by periods where you are ?on the up? again. This weather can?t be helping. I find with it being so freezing and dark all the time I get quite sad and grumpy myself. Have you got a nice holiday to look forward to?

I?ve been completely medication-free for about 3 weeks now. Can hardly believe it really. There was a time I was told (and nearly believed) that I would be on medication for the rest of my life. I didn?t accept that, and am so glad I have got there. I would go back on them though if I felt I needed to. I still have a supply of mirtazapine, and find that even an eighth of a tablet works like a dream for me with regards to sleep ? even better than zopiclone, and I don?t have that horrible after taste or groggy feeling the next day either! So if I ever have a spell of bad nights, I will not feel bad about having the occasional eighth of a tablet! (My CPN looks at me with this face when I tell her that )

How are you feeling today madmouse - is the pain reducing?

becky I really feel for you with the broody feelings. As you know I am definitely in that zone right now myself too! What does your DH think? Is it totally out of the question about having a fourth? Would finances allow? I do think you?re a little bit mad but can understand the desire for another. They do say an even number of children is better than an odd one so there is no ?middle child? . Don?t wish to fuel your fire though?. You need to have a serious talk with DH, and I don?t think it would be wise to go down the ?accident? route.

How are you orangeflutie are you coping ok without DH? When is he back from Dallas? Has your snow all gone now? All gone here, but really really hard frost this morning ? brrrrr!

I had quite a broken night. DH was a bit ill again and we both woke up around 2am and then again at 4. DD got into our bed about 5:45, and that always spells the end of sleep for me ? very difficult to sleep with little fingers and toes poking you in the ear, back, stomach etc. She also hasn?t quite mastered whispering ? toddler shouting at 5:45 is not pleasant!

No news from me on the TTC front. Cycle day 6 and still having fresh red bleeding (sorry ? hope you?re not eating your lunch!) which is very unusual for me ? so not sure what?s going on. But probably still related to the MC . Come on body! Sort it out!

Thanks Get down. Nothing has changed - (no change in medication etc.) So out of the blue really. Its definately a chemical/hormonal thing for me - which is what i find particularly difficult. Nothing I can really avoid if that makes any sense.

Good luck with you TTC this month! x

Hi everyone

It's been really cold here today and I've felt a bit low. I really didn't want to get up this morning as it was so dark and didn't want to go to work either. I was glad the DDs were going back to school but knew that I still wouldn't have any time in the house to myself. After last week I felt I really needed it. I've been finding it hard managing the dds on my own and not having any support. DH has been phoning regularly and sends emails, but everything seems much more worrying on my own. Yesterday there was a warning light on the car and although the problem has now been solved I got quite anxious about the car going wrong. I seem to be getting more anxious about everything and this is having an effect on my mood.

Tomorrow I might actually be able to do some Christmas shopping but I'm struggling to work up any enthusiasm. I just want to hibernate. Sorry if this makes gloomy reading:(

Kizzie sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. I understand when you say it's a chemical thing and there often seems no reason as I seem to get this too.

Madmouse How are you today?

GetDown I meant to say DH may not be back now until the 22nd Dec.

Hope you have a better night tonight x

Orangeflutie I really feel for you. My DH is in Brussells but only until late tonight. It's very hard coping without a DH - they have their uses :) You're doing so well under the circumstances: crap weather, Christmas, DDs at home, etc.

Christmas is hard - there's so much to do. How about doing some online? I've done loads online this year.

Hi all sorry been a bit unfaithful

Thanks for asking. Yes I am feeling better today. Glad to be. Was in a lot of pain yesterday and had visions of having to go back to hospital, but it all eased off last night. Probably courtesy not being well I slept well - in fact better than I have for months.

Been out all day today. During the day at our local retreat centre where I have spent the day writing my book (I'm on annual leave today)and tonight to band practice at church. Singing hurts and my chest is too tired to play guitar but I needed the company and entertainment and dh and my friend (didn't realise that it was possible to be so mother-henned by two grown up blokes tsk) said I was allowed out if I took it very easy. So I haven't told either of them that I'm aching again now. It will soon go when I'm in bed.

Getdown I hope it all settles down soon

Becky I think it's realising that this is the end of your baby days. Although friends of mine had a referral for the snip and then decided to have No4 so be warned.

Kizzie big hug

Orangflutie hope you are coping ok x

Please indulge me: self pity alert.

I couldn't sleep last night - anxiety about DS3 waking and anxiety about being tired (worrying about losing the association between bed and good sleep too - bloody insomnia books!) - until 1am after DH hugged me and talked to me for half an hour. Feel shite today - mostly self-pity and anger that I've let insomnia get the better of me again. I hate it so much. It ruins my life! I know I have a lot of stresses at the moment, but doesn't everyone? It's all self-centered stuff and I am so hating myself for it when there are people who have genuine problems - reading other people's problems and worries on the mental health thread - humbles me.

Sorry, I know I'll get a telling off from Madmouse and GetDown!

It's bloody awful because I am genuinely very happy - I love my work, I love my friends, family, house, DH, children, cats, etc. I wizz around like a headless chicken and I thrive on that. So what's going on?

Becky I think you've probably got a lot on your mind. DS3 hasn't been well and you've had a few disturbed nights because of it. Don't be too hard on yourself as a bad night doesn't mean it's starting to go wrong again.
You've been doing really well >.

If it makes you feel any better I was awake from about half past three until five worrying about Christmas presents. How I'm going to get it all done etc. I think it's probably the time of the year and my mind won't shut up.

Madmouse it's good to hear you're getting better and the pain is going. I think it's great you've got lovely friends to look after you.

Becky I'm not going to tell you off because you've been more than hard enough on yourself. Take it easy - you felt anxious and struggled to sleep. It's ok. It won't last. Big hug - and do something nice and positive this morning.

Had a bad night too - ds woke me up chattering and banging his toy at 1.45 - then he had a nightmare (?) and screamed for dh at 2.30, I got up too as he sounded so terrified. After that I couldn't lie down and couldn't breath and it hurt so much I got scared and stressed. Went downstairs for ventolin and ibuprofen and it all settled down and I slept until 9.15!

Will need to take it slow today - may have done too much yesterday, but of course I'm only telling you guys that

Am a bit annoyed with myself too - it was cold in church and my friend put his coat around my shoulders. I find that kind of positive attention stil very difficult and he got my finely honed don't fuss I'm fine reaction so he took it off again - but actually it would have been really helpful . I guess I'm not finished changing yet...

I wouldn't tell you off either becky