Keep falling pregnant despite contraception

[nup]

I'm in my 30s and not ready for a baby yet. I'm completely at my wits end with contraception and feel totally hopeless about the whole thing. It's really getting me down.

From my mid teens, I took various pills for a few years, which I got on relatively well with, apart from 2 unwanted pregnancies (despite taking them perfectly).

My doctor said I might have a hormonal issue, so I tried multiple copper coils. I had so many issues: several rejections, a punctured uterus and then 2 pregnancies.

I moved on to natural family planning, which worked for me for a few years, until eventually I fell pregnant with that, too. I switched to condoms for a few months, but fell pregnant again.

After so many years of non-hormonal methods, I tried taking the mini pill a few months ago, but suffered with very serious depression and suicidal thoughts, so I switched to a different pill, but had ultimately the same experience.

It's been 2 weeks since I stopped taking the pill and I'm feeling better already, but I just don't know where to turn now. I don't want to try any more hormonal contraception, I can't bear the thought of being depressed for another few months through choice. I'm desperate not to get pregnant again, and I feel like I'm out of options.

Does anyone have any recommendations? Even my doctor doesn't know what to suggest.

@squidgybits Totally agree. I've never had any trouble at all falling pregnant, but have had multiple miscarriages. My last (on contraception) pregnancy resulted in emergency surgery and loss of a fallopian tube as it was ectopic.

It's not typical to allow this, because it's less effective straight after giving birth.

I was going to suggest the implant ,as it was the only hormone based contraceptive I actually got on ok with. But it uses the same hormone as the mini pill so not sure you'd be willing to risk it. Difficult one OP.

I totally understand if you don’t want to try hormonal again right now but if you ever do, try the injection instead! I had the same experience as you on when I took the pill (tried a few different ones but they made my depression so so much worse). I then tried the injection and I have 0 nasty side effects. I was really anxious about it at first as I had an allergic reaction to the implant but it’s been fine and the doctor at the time said that different methods make a massive difference to how your body reacts.

I do think I’d be wary of trying a new hormonal method in your position though so it’s more a recommendation for the future if you ever feel you can try again x

What an obnoxious question.

Do you ask that of women who miscarry? Because it's essentially the same thing. The pregnancy isn't viable for whatever reason.

Oh my goodness you poor thing, that exhausted me just reading it, you've had a horrendous time, haven't you?

Everything I was going to suggest has been said already but I'm sending you a hug.

DP freeze sperm and get a vasectomy. I can't believe you've had to endure so much without that happening already.

Early, medication induced abortion doesn't impact future pregnancies.

OP is fine

If your DP earns enough for you to get by, and you’d like to start a family in a few years, I’d bring it forward. It may not be ideal but lots of people have babies in less than ideal circumstances. The main thing they need is love and stability.
It’s not really the said/done thing on MN but you may be eligible for some financial support - look at entitled to or similar. Sounds like it would only be till you can get back to work. Or you may be able to do some low-key/seasonal PT work just to keep things ticking over and save a bit for mat leave and qualify for maternity allowance.

It's unusual but honestly OP, I'd just keep having terminations via the medical abortion route if I were you.

As you say. These are some of your best sex years! Why miss it? Just pick a contraceptive method without hormones and if you do fall, get rid of that's what suits you.

That's assuming the abortions are relatively painless though as some women find them very painful, others like mind cramps.

Abortion doesn't impact future pregnancies or chance of pregnancies. It can sometimes in rare situations make it harder to get pregnant because of scarring from surgical abortion but that's different

I know you said you don’t want to continue with hormonal birth control but do you have access to the depo provera injection ? I haven’t had it personally but know a lot of people that have and it worked for them, I would think that perhaps with this, cycle tracking and condom usage during your fertile window it may work? I’ve attached some info in a link however I am in Australia so the info is Australian and may not be available where you live but could be worth looking into.

https://www.thewomens.org.au/health-information/contraception/depo-provera

I'd find your nearest family planning clinic! Put your postcode in the link below and check they have family planning/contraceptive clinics. They are often attached/combined with sexual health services. Usually, you'd be seen a gynaecologist or senior nurse specialist and they often have more up to date info than your GP in terms of contraceptive options. I have heard of similar cases to yourself, including 1 women we scanned who was pregnant with the IUD still in place! Its worth speaking to someone else about your options. You can also get free condoms there- both regular and latex free!

Find a sexual health clinic - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

OP clarified later how many abortions and how many MCs, and via which route. My comment was and remains perfectly valid, even with an initial medically induced abortion a D&C may be necessary later and that's problematic. Do not educate me where it's not required, I had 3 miscarriages and each required a different method and going forward I could not have it managed medically due to hypersensitivity. Cease sweeping statements, women's circumstances vary. And no, terminations are not a sustainable regular method of contraception for the female body or mind.

OP, again I'm sorry you're going through this and agree with everything you said in response 💐 not an easy issue at all. xx

The issue with the depo is that unlike the pill you can't just stop taking it so I doubt very much the op is going to feel able to commit to having hormones in her body for an extended period when hormonal contraception has already made her so unwell she can't work.

Plus it would be horribly unfair if she's one of those women whose periods don't return for a long time afterwards and she struggled to conceive when she wanted to!

@PurplePansy05 D&C after a Medical abortion. I have worked in abortion care and I had never seen any woman have a D&C twice in 6 years that I was working in one of the London Clinics.

So that's rubbish. D&C is really unlikely so I'll ask you again. If OP is happy to, why isn't it sustainable alongside a contraception that offers at least some prevention to help OP reduce the risk of the hassle of filling out a consultation for abortion pills, getting them posted etc and waiting around for it all to be finished?

Of course. You just randomly haven't been exposed to incomplete miscarriages which are far from uncommon. No need to derail the thread for OP.

I can’t take hormonal contraceptives because of elevated stroke risk, except for the mini pill, which I’m just not organised enough to make work, and I also have a latex sensitivity, it’s a pain. I briefly tried to persuade a doctor to let me try out the vaginal ring - it’s hormonal but because it’s local it’s a lower dose and doesn’t have the same systematic effects. Decided it wasn’t for me, but might be worth looking at for you as different reasons for avoiding hormonal ones?

Otherwise have you tried cycle tracking with LH strips and BBT in an app like premom, or just with symptoms and CM? If you haven’t tried the former then maybe that is worth a try?

I vote this. Then sterilisation and vasectomy asap. There is never a perfect time to have kids and it sounds like you do want them so don’t leave it too late.

I wouldn’t want to do egg and sperm freezing etc and then have to go through IVF. That sounds terrible when clearly you can absolutely definitely get pregnant very easily.

What a nightmare OP!

I appreciate everyone's thoughts and words of wisdom. I want to make it really clear that I don't want a baby right now. I know there is never a perfect time, but there is a very imperfect time, and that is now. I feel extremely confident that whenever I'm ready, I'll have a baby 9 months later. Future infertility does not factor into my current decision making.

I also want to be clear that I don't view abortion in any way as contraception. I have never and will never use abortion as my contraception, only ever as a last resort.

I just really need a couple of years of not being pregnant. Unwanted pregnancies plagued my 20s. I need to heal. Repeated terminations are painful, physically and mentally. The number of vaginal scans and exams I've had to submit to with all the pregnancies and IUDs, etc is insanely high. I have a huge amount of ongoing trauma associated with everything I've had to deal with related to all the pregnancies. I posted because I'm desperate for help finding a way to not fall pregnant. I just want to live my life for a while.

Whichever method I choose, I'll use it alongside the natural family planning I was using before, which surprisingly has been the most successful method for me. Because I just stopped taking the pill, I will need to spend a few months tracking before I can use the data, and I'll need additional methods to use in conjunction with this.

I tried the vaginal ring (Nuvaring?) for a while, like @BatildaB. It is hormonal but a very low dose because it's locally acting. Might be worth a try for a month or two, see if it works for you?

And a far more obnoxious response!!

Comparing miscarriages to abortions is disgusting! Not comparable on any level. I struggle to understand how anyone could deal with the mental toll of so many terminations when a couple do want a family at some point?

Female condom plus male condom plus natural
cycles (only after ovulation)?

And this is why anyone who has been through a TFMR isn’t happy to speak out openly. Sometime miscarriage and terminations are very similar and if anything a termination is worse.

I’d really try and get to a position where you want a pregnancy, have a second if you want a two, and then get sterilised. There’s no perfect time to have kids. Sod’s Law you wait and then can’t get pregnant

Do you want DC in the future? If not you could get sterilised.