Keep falling pregnant despite contraception

[nup]

I'm in my 30s and not ready for a baby yet. I'm completely at my wits end with contraception and feel totally hopeless about the whole thing. It's really getting me down.

From my mid teens, I took various pills for a few years, which I got on relatively well with, apart from 2 unwanted pregnancies (despite taking them perfectly).

My doctor said I might have a hormonal issue, so I tried multiple copper coils. I had so many issues: several rejections, a punctured uterus and then 2 pregnancies.

I moved on to natural family planning, which worked for me for a few years, until eventually I fell pregnant with that, too. I switched to condoms for a few months, but fell pregnant again.

After so many years of non-hormonal methods, I tried taking the mini pill a few months ago, but suffered with very serious depression and suicidal thoughts, so I switched to a different pill, but had ultimately the same experience.

It's been 2 weeks since I stopped taking the pill and I'm feeling better already, but I just don't know where to turn now. I don't want to try any more hormonal contraception, I can't bear the thought of being depressed for another few months through choice. I'm desperate not to get pregnant again, and I feel like I'm out of options.

Does anyone have any recommendations? Even my doctor doesn't know what to suggest.

Given you're in a relationship, I would crack on with having your children now while you can, then sterilisation /vasectomy afterwards.

Ah. Well that's rather frustrating to hear - my last C-section was only just over a year ago and I was very much counselled against it due to swelling. I ended up with a mirena at 10 weeks PP which has been fine but I had wanted sterilised from the start.

Some of these posts are very skewed. An early abortion only affects the woman's body - a tiny embryo or fetus has no brain, no consciousness, no desire for life. Early abortion should not be made into a moral issue. It is however not a pleasant experience regardless and something that I can understand you not wanting to have to go through again.

I would also suggest avoiding the 10 days around your ovulation and tracking ovulation with strips, temperature and cervical mucus.

Yeah, a lot of nonsense posts fixating on the number of terminations, as if that’s relevant to anything.

OP is looking for advice on what to do going forward, not people’s views on early stage abortion, FFS.

I'm aware you've tried mutiple forms of contraception but you're obviously comfortable with the many, repeated abortions anyway and just want to have sex as much as you want. The abortions don't sadden you but the fact you can't have as much sex as you like, does... Obviously you just want advice on how to have sex without another unwanted pregnancy getting in the way. I hope you can find the right contraceptive to prevent futher pregnancies.

Obviously you just want advice on how to have sex without another unwanted pregnancy getting in the way.

Well...duh!

Sorry to hear this - perhaps it is down to which Trust/location you're in. I was in a big research hospital in London so maybe they had more up to date processes.

I had a very traumatic birth with dc1 and two difficult pregnancies so I'm beyond relieved to have had it done during the birth of dc2. I'm glad you found an alternative solution xx

With my second pregnancy I was asked my the midwife at one appointment that if I was to end up with an emergency C-section, was I interested in being sterilised at the same time? I was really taken aback! Was only 29 and not done with having children! Was this a "normal" question for her to ask?!

The absolute drivel some posters come out with, honestly. It beggars belief.

Multiple posts spouting garbage and trying to derail the thread, followed by repeating OP’s question back to her with ‘you obviously want advice on…’ . Deary me 🤦‍♀️

@nup I fear in your case natural tracking like BBT won't be reliable. My DM was assessed as hyperfertile (and this is how I was conceived) and she was unexpectedly ovulating more than once in each cycle and it made no sense at all. I really don't know what's best here, would you ask for a gynae referral to discuss if there's anything that can be done to inhibit too frequent egg releases? The trouble my DM had was also early menopause which she wasn't ready for and in her view it's been brought on early by her hyperfertility. Whether that's medically correct I don't know.

FWIW, I did not mean that you use terminations as contraception, on the contrary, it clearly is something that bothers you as you simply don't want to be pregnant in the first place! My comments were aimed at those posters who appeared to brush off the impact of multiple terminations or medically managed miscarriages on you. Without a doubt it's constantly sitting on giant hormonal bombs and I can only imagine how draining, invasive and stressful life is for you. Another unfortunate side of hyperfertility is increased risk of miscarriage as you keep getting pregnant easily and many of those pregnancies won't be viable. None of this is sustainable. I would really speak to a gynaecologist about what can be done to regulate your cycle better and use condoms. You may also look into alternative methods, eg acupuncture can assist with cycle regulation, alongside yoga for example - obviously not contraception methods but they could help with the underlying issue. How is your diet and sleep? Stress? Anything that you could do lifestyle-wise to help with your cycle further?

Why should the abortions sadden her? She didn’t want the pregnancies, does it make a massive difference morally to stop a pregnancy at the first cell stage by stopping the sperm and egg meeting using contraception vs doing it after they’ve met but whilst they are still just a cluster of cells using abortion? Obviously it makes a difference to the OP in terms of the stress around finding out she’s pregnant, having to arrange and go through the termination etc which is why she wants to avoid it but there isn’t really anything sad about a woman who doesn’t want a baby having an abortion, it’s no sadder than a woman who doesn’t want a baby using contraception, which isn’t sad at all it’s very sensible.

You have already used abortion as a method of birth control!!

Balls!

I had two m/c and it was nothing like this!!!

@mayorofcasterbridge Just because you have experienced one issue (mmc) does not mean the opposite problem (hyper-fertility & multiple unwanted pregnancy) is any less of an issue for the sufferer. Or any less distressing or deserving of medical help

OP is not using abortion as a means of contraception (which it quite clearly is not). She is doing her level best with other forms, while having a normal sex life.

Hyperfertility and repeat abortion is draining and miserable. OP is completely reasonable to ask for further advice.

@mayorofcasterbridge
You have already used abortion as a method of birth control!!

If that were the case , she'd have had more than 4 abortions. She had abortions when the various methods of birth control she used failed. Like millions of other women around the world.

This is your view. You're clearly very early pro abortion but it feels like you're using this thread as a soap box to bang on about it.

The OP has already said she found them physically and mentally draining. Many, many women find them sad, traumatising, etc. It's not helpful for you to continue minimising the effects just because that's what you think.

Honestly, you saying women shouldn't feel sad about a termination is dismissive and reductive and makes me angry. Women feel what they feel. Termination is a huge deal to a great many women. Don't dictate to them how to feel.

This is the only post I have made on the thread about abortion, hardly ‘banging on’ about it or ‘continuing to minimise the facts.’ You’re writing as if I am repeatedly telling OP she shouldn’t care about abortion, when in fact the only post I have written about abortion was this in response to an obviously pro-life poster accusing the OP of not feeling sad enough about her abortions and being judgemental that in their view the OP apparently felt sadder about not being able to have sex than she was about the abortions.

I am not dictating to OP how she should feel, I was doing exactly the opposite in response to a previous poster accusing the OP of not being sad enough by saying the OP doesn’t have to feel sad if that’s not how she feels. Obviously if OP does feel sad that’s fine too! I completely agree women feel how they feel, however I don’t think, objectively, an abortion is always a sad thing. It can be for some women, for others it isn’t at all. I’m not saying women shouldn’t feel sad about choosing an abortions if they do, but the previous poster was clearly trying to judge and shame the OP for not feeling sad enough about the abortions and I was trying to counter that by saying OP doesn’t have to feel sad about them if that’s not her experience. Objectively I can understand why OP wouldn’t feel sad if the pregnancies were unwanted. Sorry if you find that dismissive and reductive but surely if you find me saying she shouldn’t feel sad an issue it was just as much an issue for the poster I was quoting to have said OP should feel sad? I have only made this one post which you have obviously read out of context, I was just trying to stick up for the OP in response to a poster trying to make her feel guilt and shame, how that equates to me constantly banging on about it or being pro-abortion I don’t know.

Ok well if I've read your quote out of context I apologise. I'm just very concerned that women are allowed to feel whatever emotions they feel around these issues and that this shouldn't be minimised or made to feel wrong in some way. Clearly you are too, and I think we're both on the same page in hoping that the OP can find a solution that works for her.

This is really interesting to me and may well explain some things my gynaecologists have so far been unable to figure out. Thank you so much for posting this, I have felt really lost in what to do next as every doctor I have been referred to has dismissed my concerns as me simply being 'unlucky'. Can I ask what age your mum went through menopause?

I've talked to a couple of doctors about hyperfertility but have been told it's not a recognised condition yet and there's no treatment anyway.

I could definitely make some lifestyle improvements, notably exercise and sleep, so I'll look into things that might help regulate an out-of-whack cycle. Right now it's all over the place because I've recently come off the pill, so I know it'll take some time to settle down.

This thread has given me some ideas and I've made an appointment to discuss family planning at the end of next month so feeling a little more positive that I might find a combination of methods that will work for me.

@NeverStopTwinkling the poster's reply was to this very judgemental comment
I'm aware you've tried mutiple forms of contraception but you're obviously comfortable with the many, repeated abortions anyway and just want to have sex as much as you want. The abortions don't sadden you but the fact you can't have as much sex as you like, does..

Hopefully this adds some context.

Thank you! Yes it does.

She was 46 and had peri from early 40s. She had several MCs too. I often wondered about hyperfertility myself as I get pregnant relatively quickly but had multiple MCs myself, but I haven't had contraception issues like you. I think it's pretty clear you must be fertile for a longer period during your cycle than standard.

Have you been to see a gynaecologist or a reproductive specialist about this? I had a friend who had a similar issue and they temporarily induced menopause for three (I’m told fairly awful) months and it seemed to reset her system. She was 35 at the time.

@nup ive had 11 pregnancies and in addition 5 children. I know what it‘s like and you have my sympathy.
I had the same issue with hormones as you and yet the mirena for me was heaven sent. I was pregnancy free for 6 years. I had it removed and was pregnant again about 4 weeks later. I am now sterilised and got pregnant once within a year of the sterilisation. This miscarried thank goodness and I’ve been fine in the 7 years since.

i cannot recommend the Mirena enough. The first three months were bad with bleeding etc, but thereafter it was perfect.

The sterilisation was less successful!! Strange.

Oh and I have hyperfertility according to my gynaecologist and one of the consultants at the hospital fertility centre I went to.