Keep falling pregnant despite contraception

[nup]

I'm in my 30s and not ready for a baby yet. I'm completely at my wits end with contraception and feel totally hopeless about the whole thing. It's really getting me down.

From my mid teens, I took various pills for a few years, which I got on relatively well with, apart from 2 unwanted pregnancies (despite taking them perfectly).

My doctor said I might have a hormonal issue, so I tried multiple copper coils. I had so many issues: several rejections, a punctured uterus and then 2 pregnancies.

I moved on to natural family planning, which worked for me for a few years, until eventually I fell pregnant with that, too. I switched to condoms for a few months, but fell pregnant again.

After so many years of non-hormonal methods, I tried taking the mini pill a few months ago, but suffered with very serious depression and suicidal thoughts, so I switched to a different pill, but had ultimately the same experience.

It's been 2 weeks since I stopped taking the pill and I'm feeling better already, but I just don't know where to turn now. I don't want to try any more hormonal contraception, I can't bear the thought of being depressed for another few months through choice. I'm desperate not to get pregnant again, and I feel like I'm out of options.

Does anyone have any recommendations? Even my doctor doesn't know what to suggest.

It's not viable in the context of the woman's life situation. That's good enough for me.

An embryo is not a baby. It's a byproduct of a bodily function. Women aren't obliged to grow it into a potential human if they don't want to.

Stop trying to guilt the OP.

OP is your partner continuing to ejaculate inside you? If so, why?

I'm not sure why you've phrased it as if we probably are having unprotected sex, given how open I've been about how difficult this has all been for me. We haven't had sex since a week before I came off the pill.

I feel for you, OP - what a lot you've been through, and what a frustrating problem to have. Have you had the same partner throughout?

If I were you I'd double up on contraception, which basically means using condoms (yes they are annoying but the ultra thin ones aren't too bad, and the silver lining is that they contain the mess!) but you do also need some kind of female contraception too.

I can understand that your experiences with the copper coil and the pill have massively put you off, but if you are willing to try something else, I do recommend a hormonal coil like the mirena. The hormones are localised to your uterus and reproductive organs so there is much less impact on the rest of your system as with other hormonal contraception.

Otherwise there is the implant but of course that's hormonal and I wouldn't imagine you'd want to try it.

What about a diaphragm or cap? Or a vaginal ring, which is hormonal but you can remove it yourself if the side effects are bad?

Apologies, my question should have been more specific - at what point amongst the 6 pregnancies did you tell him to stop ejaculating inside you and if you haven't, why not? I realise you can still fall pregnant from pre-cum, but it's a lot less likely. I agree with other posters that you should also use spermicide. Is the sex really worth so much anguish?

Oh and I meant to add, if you've been unable to work due to your mental health, you should claim new-style ESA, which is not a huge amount but better than nothing.

Perhaps once you feel able to work again you could admit defeat and have a baby?!

Are you married or not?

I'd stop humble bragging and double up on contraceptive methods. Do you really need a bunch of women to tell you that's the best solution. You might be very fertile (congrats) but you're not particularly bright!! Good luck trying to avoid an outcome that MANY women on here might have prayed for and not got - and well done for rubbing lots of their noses in your misfortune!

Urgh, what a horrendously dim human you are. Which part of this thread do you take to be the Op "rubbing noses" in others misfortune? This board isn't just for people trying to get pregnant.

OP I've no suggestions, other than female/male condoms, combined with withdrawal and cycle tracking to avoid significantly fertile windows and/or sex during your period. Or It's clearly taking a toll on your mental health so I do hope you find a solution soon 🤞🏼

Probably not an answer you want to hear but the simple fact is, short of abstinence, contraception is not 100 percent.

You've clearly been unlucky and its shit that you've been in that low percentage that contraception fails for but from your own posts you've tried everything - from using multiple options at once, to tracking.

I think your options are to accept that it might happen regardless of what you do to stop it or consider changing your plans of when you're prepared to start a family.

Maybe seems unfair but health issues and medicines not working for people is an unfortunate reality for some.

I have a debilitating condition that has not responded to methods that have worked for others - it sucks but I've had to come to terms with it.

And also accepting no one might ever be able to tell you why this is happening

i'd either use condoms plus ovulation tracking or diaphragm plus spermicide plus condoms seems to be your best bet - you do seem worried about condoms affecting your sex life but you do get used to them ! perhaps if you see a sexual health clinic you could work out why they make you sore, sometimes it's about lubrication.

In response to PP who said sterilisation wouldn't be allowed at C-section... Not true, women are offered sterilisation after 2 C-sections at the time of surgery because multiple sections increase risks for mum and baby.

I would definitely avoid sex during your most fertile ten days op even with contraception.

Another vote for ovulation tracking and abstinence during your fertile window.

Condoms plus spermicide and withdrawal and avoiding during fertile window. Only option for me.

Withdrawal, if done correctly, is also quite effective. Don't rule it out as "one layer" of defence.

Agree with sampling a few different condom brands.

Plus the cap.

I suppose belt and braces is the only approach when you're so fertile.

Given all the trauma YOU have been through, is DP open to the option of a vasectomy and sperm freezing as per PP? Or a vasectomy reversal at a later date (not 100% I know). If there is no sperm then at least you know that you cannot get pregnant, which will be a huge weight off of your mind.

This is not accurate at all

Sterilisations and fitting the coil can be done during a C-section but women tend to be counselled against it due to the reduced efficacy as a result of swelling.

Also women routinely have 3+ c-sections without complication.

Anyway OP, I'd seek intervention from a sexual health clinic with specialist doctors and not just your GP. I'd also combine several factors.

I do sympathise with trying to get the right combination, and battling with hormones. I'm now on the mirena coil which seems to be working for me but my 20s were a shitshow of hormones, bleeding and depression.

Hi OP, sorry to read about all that you’ve been through. Because you have said you want a pregnancy in the future you might want to read about the links between hyper fertility and multiple miscarriages so that you are prepared.

https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/what-is-super-fertility-recurrent-miscarriages

https://frankieslegacy.co.uk/had-a-diagnosis/hyper-fertility

I’ve the opposite ‘problem’ and can’t get pregnant naturally, so this isn’t something I’d considered before your thread. I’m so sorry you’re in this position, it sounds a nightmare!

I've no advice on contraception, just putting out a little warning about the vasectomy route - reversals aren’t free on the nhs (or, at least they weren’t 10 years ago), I don’t believe it’s guaranteed to work 100% and ivf hormones for you to release eggs given your hyper fertility might cause some issues for you. Not to say that it would do (I am certainly no doctor) just pondering that it might not be the ‘easy’ solution to your circumstances.

I'm sorry you’re in this position though, it sounds awful.

Agree with nuvaring
I got pregnant on the pill, using a condom and with no ejaculation... so I know where you are coming from

I currently use condoms, family planning and a copper coil

I wasn't counselled against it, had mine done two weeks ago. They do it differently now and remove most of the tubes so likelihood of failure is very low. Reversal is basically impossible though (fine by me).

I think you are referring to an out of date practice where the tubes were simply snipped and stapled so reversal was left as an option

lambskin condoms are great if you’re both STD free.

check what hormonal contraceptives you have used. Have you taken new style or old style? Each method has tradeoffs and it’s worth researching it even if at the end it’s not worth it.

consider taking the combined pill without any breaks a dr can advise here.

if you’re adamant Penetrative sex is what you want, out there option, you get your partner a strap on to use and he finishes off after you’re done. no penis and thus no sperm anywhere near your Vag.

remember this is a short term issue and you can have a lot of fun figuring out non penetrative sex methods (whilst still being careful! Spermicide and sponge/cap should be your standard even if you stick to just foreplay.

Once you have children you BOTH should go for permanent options

nhs link for all your contraceptive options
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/

actual efficacy rates of all methods and why using 2 or 3 will work hugely in you favour https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/how-effective-contraception/

it is also worth noting that if you are overweight or obese plan b/morning after pill won’t actually work if you do make a mistake so please don’t consider this as an option if it applies to your body type.

OP, given that this has happened sp many times, is there not someone professional that your GP can refer you to for the best advice?
This must be quite traumatising to you, and I'd expect that there would be help for you, like there is for women who struggle to conceive..obviously you're having the opposite problem, but there MUST be some help out there for people in your situation.

I'm sorry I can't help, most of my time has been spent researching how to get pregnant, but wishing you a solution that actually helps.

Some hyper fertile women also have a high rate of miscarriage. There body does not stop poor quality eggs implanting. Be aware of this.

I also couldn't tolerate hormonal contraception. Diaphragm plus tracking fertility so at peak ovulation you can add a condom or abstain if you're really worried.
I found the Diaphragm particularly convenient as you can put it in before eg going out and then you take it out the next morning

Sounds awful for you.

I also used the nuva ring. It's hormonal but localised so has much less of a general impact.
I found it has less of an effect on my mood than the pill.