Am I being over paranoid?

[ponygirl17]

Tell me please if in the UK it is normal to send any parents who volunteer themselves to go to swimming sessions with 5-6 year olds to help in changing rooms and in the water with the kids?

pixie, not quite sure why I ought to answer your questions when you haven't read my posts go back and have a look I specifically don't insinuate every man is a paedophile

how about this?

By scurryfunge Tue 18-May-10 14:18:13
It doesn't make sense that all male swimming pool helpers are abusers though
Add message | Report | Contact poster By backtotalkaboutthis Tue 18-May-10 14:19:39
I'm sure they're not, who says they are, but the risk is greater.

or this?

Sad to say, but sometimes a man simply liking and being good with children can look "creepy" if you are not used to it. Do you think his behaviour can be interpreted like this?

Why would you think I wouldn't let my husband be alone with my children?

oh that's right -- because you haven't read my posts

the only thing that's made me smile so far on this thread is your last resort claim to academic qualifications which might somehow prove your point? yeah I don't think so

"No, the point is that the men are getting changed with the children and then getting into the swimming pool with them. Nobody has ever mentioned men getting changed with the girls"

So if the men were getting changed with the girls it would be a problem?

and yes, it's not just about "getting changed with the children" it's about being in the changing room to help them change

"Tell me please if in the UK it is normal to send any parents who volunteer themselves to go to swimming sessions with 5-6 year olds to help in changing rooms and in the water with the kids?"

so you didn't read the op as well as other posts -- too keen to jump on the daft paranoid idiot bandwagon

my dd's school didn't have this kind of set-up so I have no experience of it. Dd went to a private swimming school to learn when she was much smaller, sometimes dads went, sometimes mums and they changed and showered their own dc but no one else's. We dp did not go in the pool.

I am trying to imagine the set-up you have and whether there is a way of having your dc swim with the class and you still feel comfortable with it.

You spoke to the teacher and she accepted your worries. You said that you had offered to accompany the children but were only put down for 1/7 sessions. So is it that you want to do all 7? Can you ask the teacher about that possibility (or just turn up and do it anyway?)

Is it that there are dads involved at all which bothers you? Are you ok with 1/7 if the other sessions and the period in the water does not involve dads?

Sorry, bit thick, not getting it completely... What I am saying, is where exactly lies the prooblem for you and can you not get around it somehow or have another talk to the teacher about it?

Otherwise take your dc swimming yourself at the weekend if you can and ensure they know how to do it.

If you read futher down BTTAT

Two quotes from the OP

"then I found out that he and another man who I do not know were going in the water, for every session "

"Not that I have to explain, but there are 2 options, one for helping in the changing rooms and one for in the pool, most people obviously do not want to swim, it is outdoor, and not always very warm, so more people on the rota for the changing room, and only very few for swimming.

The men are not in the changing room helping at all!!

doesn't matter, on the point of principle the impression has certainly been given that the op is paranoid to be worried about men she doesn't know in the changing room

... so from your last post if they were in the changing room it would be different? and you would be concerned? this is what you are implying, although you might not realise it

do you actually agree with her after all? you seem to be contradicting yourself with this emphasis about them being in the pool and not in the changing room

which is what I said about one hundred million years ago

but I forgot, no one's reading my posts

ps defluffy, thanks for that voice, I know I'm not alone because schools and organisations do think it's important to take precautions, but sometimes on here one is made to very frightfully mary whitehouse if you don't want men taking pictures of your children or in a room when they might be naked, it's that word again, can bruffin bear it I wonder

Grow up BTTAT and Defluff didn't agree with you, because of your obsession with children running round maked changing rooms with strangers she misunderstood.

I don't have an obsession.

You have no idea what you are talking about and have been extremely childish.

You would like to pretend otherwise but are unable to.

"you don't want men taking pictures of your children or in a room when they might be naked"

When did the photography element get introduced, have I missed something or are you obsessing again, BTTAT?

nice

you haven't got any points to make, you are contradicting yourselves, you seem to be agreeing with me that there is not a problem with men at the poolside only in the changing room, so hmm what's left

the accusation that I have an obsession

it's just so stupid, there's no other word for it

I'm sorry but you do keep making irrelevant comments

no I don't, like what?

To clarify - if there is a volunteer male in the changing rooms with my female child I would not be happy because;

a. Chance (however slim) of abuse risk - I know women can abuse too obviously, but I think the stats were 94% of abusers of girls were men.

b. A recent post by a long time MNer who (I think) said she was abused subtley while others were present (it is obviously possible because we know due to the nursery incident and yes I know that was a woman).

c. The concept of privacy and dignity, I would not want to change in front of men I do not know (nor my DP actually - too much excess baby weight! ) and I do not think my child should either. In the same way that my Gran does not have male carers (who come to help her change, wash etc) and my Grandad had a male carer.

I feel the same for the boys, at dd's school there is a male teacher they swim with (and only 3 boys in the year) plus two female teachers (for the 10 girls in the year). No outside volunteers. I feel that as I wouldn't get my kit off in front of dd's friends' dads, neither should she.

Hope I'm making sense. I do think that mn is very liberal about these things (each to their own obviously) and people can be quick to shout 'you're so Daily Mail' at people with other points of view.

Whether I agree totally with BTTAT, I do feel she has discussed rationally and persistantly in the face of much stick.

actually don't bother, I know I don't, I remember the inconsequential and self-contradictory nonsense that's been touted as argument and it's pointless you even saying anything because it won't be true or won't make sense

and I'm sorry too, sorry to say I do mean every word of that

For anyone wondering why I'm still talking about men changing with the girls...

By DeFluffy Wed 19-May-10 20:50:51
Bruffin - in that case I misunderstood, I thought the whole point was that the men were to be in the changing rooms with all the children. Otherwise, I don't understand the problem?

Add message | Report | Contact poster By PixieOnaLeaf Wed 19-May-10 22:57:44
No, the point is that the men are getting changed with the children and then getting into the swimming pool with them. Nobody has ever mentioned men getting changed with the girls and the OP has b/g twins.

So, the men are getting changed with the children?? Or only with the boys?

I think it's the condescending attitude that has annoyed people DeFluffy -the demand for an apology especially.

BTTAT -I was referring to the comment about the photography...where has that come from?

oh thanks again defluffy

am getting wound up now so best be off eh?!

Good idea

too true

there was a thread -- two men were taking pictures of someone's children in a park and she was concerned

she was also called paranoid, obsessive and irrational

So, the men are getting changed with the children?? Or only with the boys?

Defluff - Going back to the OP posts - no the men are only supposed to be helping in the swimming pool. Where they are getting changed has not been mentioned, commonsense would assume they will do it privately. The OP has a problem with the men helping in the swimming pool, although this came out gradually.

At no point has anyone other than BTTAT assumed that the men would be in the changing room with girls, she actually referred to the men handling naked children at one stage.
A dad wants to help out at swimming and BTTAT comes up with scenarios like this

"So you think, because she can't report it, she should just let her daughter be naked with this guy and not worry about it"

That's what i have a problem with not words like naked.

I think it all got a bit confused because the op originally said:

"Tell me please if in the UK it is normal to send any parents who volunteer themselves to go to swimming sessions with 5-6 year olds to help in changing rooms and in the water with the kids?"

And then said they were just going in the water in a later post. I'd be fine with them in the water, just not fine in the changing rooms.

Do I get a prize for last to understand the thread??

lol Pixie and Defluff