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Ethical dilemmas

Awful incident

191 replies

FirmLilacBee · 23/10/2024 13:45

Hello, TIA for reading

something just happened in my street which I feel dreadful about and I would appreciate other people’s POV please?

Funeral cars 2 doors up from me. Elderly man who’d lived here all his married life leaving behind his elderly wife, son and daughter etc I saw the funeral cars go up and thought I’d like to wait on my drive and pay my respects. One hearse and one other car were parked outside the man’s house, obviously the coffin and flowers were there and this was his final journey from his home.

An extra large delivery van pulled up and couldnt get past. This was outside my house, I approached the male driver at the passenger door and said hiya this was the man’s home he’s having his final journey, you can park on the drive next door here it’s empty no one lives there. He replied I’ve got a delivery to do, I replied honestly just park here it’s ok. He had just driven up the curb not parked, this would have at least allowed the funeral cars past. He had the noisiest diesel engine. As I saw the man’s widow and her daughter approaching the cars I approached the delivery man again and said do you want to turn you engine off a because theyre just having a moment. He replied I can do yes. I walked away but as I did I said no need to be arsey is just about respect. At that he turned his engine on again and shouted to me to fuck off about twice. Reversing and driving away saying there was no need for me to speak to him like that. He sped off. All this just as family getting into the cars. I felt so ashamed that I’d caused this. On reflection I understand that my value base was so different to the delivery drivers and that what had meant a lot to me meant nothing to him and I just shouldn’t have got involved.

I‘m wondering whether I should apologise to the family ?

OP posts:
Zimunya · 23/10/2024 13:47

If you know which company he works for I would report him. I don't think you've done anything wrong here. I think it's lovely and neighbourly that you were paying your respects, and that you tried to get the delivery driver to stop and switch off his engine.

FirmLilacBee · 23/10/2024 14:00

Zimunya · 23/10/2024 13:47

If you know which company he works for I would report him. I don't think you've done anything wrong here. I think it's lovely and neighbourly that you were paying your respects, and that you tried to get the delivery driver to stop and switch off his engine.

Thank you so much for replying and comment - the van was plain so I’m not certain, all other delivery drivers we have here are absolutely lovely … I’d not seen this one before ..another thing that’s been impacted is the delivery - whoever was waiting for their parcel won’t have had it 😒

OP posts:
Zimunya · 23/10/2024 14:11

Well, that's on the delivery driver, not you!

FirmLilacBee · 23/10/2024 14:22

Zimunya · 23/10/2024 14:11

Well, that's on the delivery driver, not you!

True ☺️ thanks again

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 23/10/2024 14:25

As I think you realise the comment was unnecessary and triggered his response but honestly I wouldn't worry about it. Just file it mentally as one of those unfortunate things.

Nameftgigb · 23/10/2024 14:30

Tbh I don’t get why you had to make the snotty comment at the end after he’d already done as you’d asked. He was just trying to do his job. You dont get to decide to allow him to park on someone elses private driveway whether the house is occupied or not, and you obviously pissed him off telling him off like he was a naughty child with a self righteous comment because he had his van engine on. You could have minded your own business and let a grown man figure out the situation himself instead of causing a scene

FirmLilacBee · 23/10/2024 14:33

helpfulperson · 23/10/2024 14:25

As I think you realise the comment was unnecessary and triggered his response but honestly I wouldn't worry about it. Just file it mentally as one of those unfortunate things.

Thank you for your honesty, probably apologising to the family now would make things worse.

OP posts:
AuntieDolly · 23/10/2024 14:33

Report him for what? Not doing as he's told? Unfortunate situation, but nothing to be done now.

FirmLilacBee · 23/10/2024 14:38

This reply has been deleted

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EggnogAnd · 23/10/2024 14:39

Well, I think you're right that you provoked the situation by making your unnecessarily self-righteous comment, but I'm not sure what point there would be in apologising to the family of the dead man.

harvestdesigns · 23/10/2024 14:39

I agree you caused this situation with the comments, but it's too late to apologise now, the damage is done in my eyes. The family won't get a do over of that moment.

Itsallmanageable · 23/10/2024 14:40

He said he would turn the engine off and you made a comment ? He’s not the one in the wrong

GreyTS · 23/10/2024 14:40

Nameftgigb · 23/10/2024 14:30

Tbh I don’t get why you had to make the snotty comment at the end after he’d already done as you’d asked. He was just trying to do his job. You dont get to decide to allow him to park on someone elses private driveway whether the house is occupied or not, and you obviously pissed him off telling him off like he was a naughty child with a self righteous comment because he had his van engine on. You could have minded your own business and let a grown man figure out the situation himself instead of causing a scene

This ☝️I cannot fathom why you inserted yourself into the situation, I'm sure the delivery driver could have handled it by himself

FirmLilacBee · 23/10/2024 14:44

Well I’ve obviously done a terrible thing and if I see him again I will apologise I didn’t mean to offend him I was thinking of the family I thought I was helping by letting him know no one would mind him parking out of the way as the only other thing to do was block the road.

OP posts:
GreyTS · 23/10/2024 14:44

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Nameftgigb · 23/10/2024 14:46

FirmLilacBee · 23/10/2024 14:44

Well I’ve obviously done a terrible thing and if I see him again I will apologise I didn’t mean to offend him I was thinking of the family I thought I was helping by letting him know no one would mind him parking out of the way as the only other thing to do was block the road.

Which would have been fine, but without the added lecture at the end. What an earth made you feel the need to say that?

rainfallpurevividcat · 23/10/2024 14:48

Some men are on a hair trigger. I waited behind one guy in small builder's truck (it's one way and he was blocking the road) for a couple of minutes thinking he was maybe picking someone up and would be quick. There was space for him to pull into the side, he just hadn't bothered and was in the middle of the road. I had to get to an appointment, so lightly bipped my horn. He moved over but then I got a tirade of abuse out of the window.

Councilhousecheekbones · 23/10/2024 14:48

I know you meant well, but I don't think you should have got involved. The guy was just doing his job.

Bang out of order for him to swear at you though.

HawkersSouth · 23/10/2024 14:49

You asked him to turn off the engine, he did. I'm not sure you needed to say anything else after that. Your comment was uncalled for/unnecessary so you created an issue that wasn't there. Too late to apologize, be more mindful of your words.

FirmLilacBee · 23/10/2024 14:49

Nameftgigb · 23/10/2024 14:46

Which would have been fine, but without the added lecture at the end. What an earth made you feel the need to say that?

I perceived he had been arsey to me but in the scheme of things it really didn’t matter to anyone but me and I absolutely wish I hadn’t said anything.

OP posts:
Bumpitybumper · 23/10/2024 14:51

You've not done a terrible thing. You were trying to do the right thing and said a bit of a sarcastic comment. You weren't to know he would react like that. He knew what was happening and chose to behave in this way so I really think your guilt is misplaced. You sound like a really nice person but I wouldn't apologise to the grieving family. I imagine with everything else going on that day, this incident would have been an unfortunate footnote that they have won't want to be reminded of.

MeMyCatsAndI · 23/10/2024 14:51

You made it worse with that comment.

FirmLilacBee · 23/10/2024 14:52

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I wasn’t threatening to kill myself and I’m not mentally unstable, I felt when I read your post that it was a lot harsher than the others. As I’ve said I was asking for other points of view and I have that now. Thank you.

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndI · 23/10/2024 14:53

But you was threatening to kill yourself, that was a mentally unstable comment.

Why ask others opinions if you react and say things like that.

InandOutlander · 23/10/2024 14:53

Are you really feeling suicidal now? Do you want your thread reporting to get help?

Or are you making light of that?

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