Awful incident

[FirmLilacBee]

Hello, TIA for reading

something just happened in my street which I feel dreadful about and I would appreciate other people’s POV please?

Funeral cars 2 doors up from me. Elderly man who’d lived here all his married life leaving behind his elderly wife, son and daughter etc I saw the funeral cars go up and thought I’d like to wait on my drive and pay my respects. One hearse and one other car were parked outside the man’s house, obviously the coffin and flowers were there and this was his final journey from his home.

An extra large delivery van pulled up and couldnt get past. This was outside my house, I approached the male driver at the passenger door and said hiya this was the man’s home he’s having his final journey, you can park on the drive next door here it’s empty no one lives there. He replied I’ve got a delivery to do, I replied honestly just park here it’s ok. He had just driven up the curb not parked, this would have at least allowed the funeral cars past. He had the noisiest diesel engine. As I saw the man’s widow and her daughter approaching the cars I approached the delivery man again and said do you want to turn you engine off a because theyre just having a moment. He replied I can do yes. I walked away but as I did I said no need to be arsey is just about respect. At that he turned his engine on again and shouted to me to fuck off about twice. Reversing and driving away saying there was no need for me to speak to him like that. He sped off. All this just as family getting into the cars. I felt so ashamed that I’d caused this. On reflection I understand that my value base was so different to the delivery drivers and that what had meant a lot to me meant nothing to him and I just shouldn’t have got involved.

I‘m wondering whether I should apologise to the family ?

Just let the matter drop.....

Thanks for your help and advice

Why on earth would you open your mouth and give the guy a smarmy comment.

He switched the engine off what was your comment going to achieve.

You would have been best to keep your nose out and all they would have had to deal with was his engine now they had swearing and arguments on their sad day.

What a drama over nothing, the man did as requested and you make a snide comment then start saying it made you want to kill yourself at being told to fuck off??
How about stop interfering and opening yourself up to fuck off??

Also this isn't really an 'awful incident.' I opened the thread expecting 10 dead in a train crash or something. You were a bit bossy and rude to someone so they were rude back. That's all. Stop catastrophising.

I don't think you should apologise to the family. The incident may be taking up a lot of space in your mind but it probably didn't register much with the bereaved. When I've been setting off with a funeral cortège for close family members I've been so wrapped up in grief I wouldn't have taken much notice of what was going on around me.

You were trying to do a nice thing and it backfired. Delivery drivers work to impossibly tight schedules which must be very stressful. He tried to co-operate even though perhaps he didn't appreciate the significance of the situation. But then he snapped in response to your comment. You don't know what is going on in his private life and what other stresses he might be under. Just leave it alone now.

I can't really see why everyone is condemning you OP. Yes the comment was unnecessary but you know that now. You were just trying to help on the day and it sounds like he wasn't meeting you half way. Delivery drivers are under ridiculous time pressures but that is the fault of society and consumers who are price and ease of delivery led until they see the true cost of competitive pricing - that there's an industry out there that treats their workers and customers like robots.

You did something in a flawed way but out of kindness for your neigbour. Don't dwell on it.

How to make someone else's pain all about yourself OP! Wow

This is just an unnecessarily rude post. It’s ironic that you are pulling someone else up on their behaviour.

For shouting "F*ck off". Not a crime, but perhaps not the image most companies would like their staff to portray. I would certainly hear about it if I spoke to someone like that in the course of my job.

But I didn't grow up in the UK, so if it is in fact common practice to shout "F*ck off" at people because you don't like what they say, please ignore my post.

Sounds like an unpleasant exchange between two people who could've/should've handled themselves better.

You can't 'make' someone rudely overreact (as the driver did) thus the family won't be blaming you, and in any case they'll have waaaay more on their minds today. They'll have quickly forgotten about it (if they actually even noticed in the first place).

It's done, so put it from your mind and move on. Ruminating about it won't achieve anything, it'll only upset you further. Watch TV or read a book, and distract yourself from it.

Thank you yes I’ll stop dwelling I haven’t used this much before had known what to expect - it’s been a journey. Today I’ve had a lesson.

You stated On reflection I understand that my value base was so different to the delivery drivers

and asked for other peoples POV

That statement right there comes across as very judgemental and unpleasant. It displays no understanding of the stress delivery drivers are under to turn up within the quoted time window, a delay at one delivery can mess up their schedule for the entire day.

Unlike you he wasn’t aware there was going to be a funeral so won’t have been quite as quick to register there was a hearse there.

I had a delivery one morning and realised the delivery driver was upset so spoke to him. He’s just had abuse from a mother dropping off to school as he was trying to do a delivery in the same road as the school. He said he’d delivered a parcel to her the previous day and she’d been nice and friendly. The abuse that morning made him realise she hadn’t recognised him and didn’t see him as a person.

I don't know why you involved yourself in any of it really. None of it was any of your business. Maybe leave the grieving family and the driver if you see him again alone.

I think it's a lesson to yourself on staying out of business that is not yours.

Don't bother apologising to the family for something between you and a delivery driver that you created. They are grieving a loved one, they don't need you looking for forgiveness/approval/validation on top.

Yes fair enough

Exactly this. Theres no need to apologise to the family, you're only doing so to seek forgiveness for YOUR behaviour and in my opinion it makes it all about you, not their loss. Just leave it be, and learn a lesson from it.

👍

I don’t understand why you made the comment when it sounds like he complied with your requests. Yes he shouldn’t have sworn at you but from what you’ve described I’m not sure he was being arsey…

Yep I understand

It was an unfortunate event and I think a lesson that when you make a dig at someone, you don't know what you're going to get back.

You were rude to each other - granted the driver was the ruder of you, but he's probably on a tight frame, didn't appreciate your lecture and felt judged (the comment about respect).

Honestly OP I think the family will have had bigger things to worry about than the delivery driver. Don’t apologise to them but similarly maybe just mind your own in future. It’s not your job to rescue every situation.

☺️ yes I know what you mean, thanks for your time

Yep I am a rescuer I understand now how it presents as interfering, thank you

To be fair I think most companies would like to hear that their representative shouted out of the window of their work van 'fuck off' to a woman at a funeral twice.

If she said turn of your engine or park there and he didn't I doubt they would be interested but screaming 'fuck off' at a funeral precession (regardless of if someone annoyed him) is not acceptable.