Mother ageing herself - any advice?

[Startrekobsessed]

My mum has started really ageing herself, she’s started saying she doesn’t like driving at night anymore so avoids doing it and she fell over and called it she ‘had a fall’, she’s 61!

I worry she’s going to start letting her world get smaller and ageing herself much too young, any advice on how to help? My MIL is late 70s and hell would freeze over before she said she had a fall 🤣

any advice greatly appreciated

This. OP, are you genuinely concerned about your mum, because your post just comes across derisive and mocking. Your mum's choice of words to describe falling really isn't relevant to how fast she may or may not be ageing. And, as remarked upthread, it isn't only older people who dislike night driving and find headlights too bright.

If you want to help your mum I'd suggest you try to stop acting freaked out by what you perceive to be signs that she's - heaven forbid! - getting older.

Aww, that's really sad to hear when own parents. I mean, all family can annoy us, bit a 'bitching session' every time? Mean.

OP, stop being annoyed by your mum and her choices, they are her choices. For the record, she shouldn't drive at night if she gets nervous doing so, nervous drivers can make mistakes. Don't bully her and stop being mean!

Actually, I think this post says more about the OP than anything else

Panicking that her mum is “ aging herself” as a mere 61 and for really ridiculous reasons

So what’s up with you, OP? What’s really going on?

There's that saying about getting old too isn't there? You know when you've got old because if you trip up and people rush over to help instead of laughing.

Prob losing a free babysitter now the nights have drawn in and mum doesn't want to drive anymore?!

Yes, some people do this. It's absolutely a mental attitude and if you're already doing it in your early sixties while still in good health there's probably an element of choice involved. Personally I think it's unlikely to be beneficial.

My pils were like this, hit their late 60s and overnight gave up all their hobbies, stopped going out, leaned in to any and all illnesses, it was like they wanted to get frail. I found it very frustrating especially as my parents were older and doing the opposite!

Yes, my thoughts, too. What's been happening, @Startrekobsessed?

The OP can see her future!

As much as it pains me, I am turning into my Mother and she is turning into my Granny 😆.

I can empathise as my mum is in her 70s and I'm worried her world is also getting smaller. She is increasingly uncomfortable with doing anything new. Recent examples being not wanting to drive to a new supermarket.
However on the driving front, if someone is uncomfortable driving then that should be respected. I am half your mum's age and I'm not very keen on driving at night either! My mum is increasingly uncomfortable with motorway driving but won't admit it and it's causing problems as she's finding reasons not to come rather than admitting the lack of confidence. I'd rather she accepted that she isn't enjoying it anymore and can then make alternative plans

One is passive (I had a fall) and one is active (I fell over). Sometimes people don’t want to admit that they fell over.

My sister went through a phrase of "let's embrace getting old!" and "oh you slipped over? Well, we do at this age! It's starting!"

I wouldn't have cared but we were in our early 40s at the time! It actually really infuriated me, and I told her so. All she did was talk about how old we were, and then our (slightly) younger brother started joining in. It was incredibly annoying and it made me feel horrible about being in my 40s.

And I slip over occasionally because we live semi-rurally and we have very active dogs which need to be walked, even when it's wet and muddy, and you are going to fall over even if you're 15!

It annoyed me when I could first see my parents getting older. I thought they were giving into it. Now I am getting older myself I understand that although externally you look fine to younger people, your body is ageing and that has an impact.

Because had a fall is the sort of thing said about v v v elderly/on their last legs people not 61 year olds.

My mum who is in her 80s fell over/tripped up a few years ago. We teased her that she'd 'had a fall'. Even at her age saying she'd had a fall was so ridiculous we were joking about it.

I’m in my 40s and hate driving at night. I have an astigmatism which makes it difficult- it’s quite common, perhaps she has the same?

I try to avoid driving more than a quick local trip at night and I’m 49! I wear varifocials and the dazzling lights and reduced vision make it stressful, especially if it’s raining.

Youve just reminded me of my stubborn old grandad. My mum had to report him to the DVLA at the age of 93, as he was tearing around country lanes at way over the speed limit and blind in one eye, refusing to admit that it was time to stop.

You need to find the reason behind her fall. I’m 60 and have had several falls recently. I have 2 problems 1 my balance the 2 spinal issues causing me not picking my foot up and I trip up over my big toe which I can’t feel.
she may have also lost some confidence due to her fall.
i hate night time driving due to the glare from the oncoming vehicle lights. I always make sure my wind screen is clean inside and out. I’ve bought some yellow polarised nighttime glasses which are a game changer for me. Good luck

I had two new hips within five months. Brilliant physio told me if you practice putting your heel down first then toes and walk that way, you won't fall it's your toes that trip you up. When you brush your teeth, lean against bathroom wall, toes pointing upwards weight on your heels. When you're washing up, waiting for the kettle to boil do calf raises then down.

As for cataracts at night look at Street lights if you can see a halo. That's the cataracts.

I'm 48 and can't drive at night !!

She'll mean in the dark. Which, in winter, is from about 8/9am - 4:30pm. So I agree, she really is limiting herself. My parents (early 80s) are really making an effort to make sure they never say 'had a fall' (but then laugh about it, if they do) you're right, it's 100% what 'old' people do, whatever that means to you!

Accompany your mother to an eye check, hearing check, full meducal and dental check. She might have something wrong.
Make them fun outings.

I am your Mothers age, well a year younger and am not like her. But some people are home birds and as soon as they have time they just want to be at home. I can’t think of anything worse but it’s her life.

Is it because of the language and habits you are worrying more about her mortality? I mean I could have died last month because I was up the very top of a mountain when very thick mist descended. Very dodgy coming down.

She's 61 fgs, not 91!!. She's a working and adult.

I’m in my 40s and have long ago stopped wanting to drive at night or on motorways. Since having my children and with buying much bigger cars I seem to have lost my bottle driving over the years. This said I will do it still if I must, but I prefer to hand the keys to my H.

I also fell over on the way home from work recently, just simply missed the curb and smashed my phone. This I did find hilarious though. But would I in 20 years time when I’m more brittle? I’m not sure.