Mother ageing herself - any advice?

[Startrekobsessed]

My mum has started really ageing herself, she’s started saying she doesn’t like driving at night anymore so avoids doing it and she fell over and called it she ‘had a fall’, she’s 61!

I worry she’s going to start letting her world get smaller and ageing herself much too young, any advice on how to help? My MIL is late 70s and hell would freeze over before she said she had a fall 🤣

any advice greatly appreciated

No idea about the fall, but if she doesn't like driving at night,she will have her reasons in which case she is doing everyone else a favour by stopping.

Lots of people don’t drive at night, I’ve heard of it in.40s.

I blame the super bright headlights

“had a fall” yes it could be a fair description

Maybe let your mother decide what she’s comfortable with and the language she uses?

If she is not feeling confident to drive at night, please don't encourage that.

I'm not sure your mother is "aging herself". Hormonal changes post menopause actually make it more difficult to drive in the dark. Your vision changes. Why do you prefer her not to say she had a fall, when she did?

I don’t drive at night any more. I’ve got astigmatism which has got much worse since menopause. I’m 50.

Based on just your op, you’re being unreasonable. I don’t like driving at night and I’m only 32 😂 and ‘had a fall/fell over’ potayto potahto imo. Can you give any other examples? I’m not altogether unsympathetic to this honestly as my mother in law is the same, she’s determined to be old long before her time!

maybe she has cataracts, she should go to the optician

Not sure either of those things is ‘ageing’. Your post sounds quite judgey.

Plenty of people much younger have falls, and serious consequences. How about a 41 year old stuck in hospital for weeks, and now permanently disabled?
Great for all those who can do marathons in their 80s, maybe some people can.
But you could wake up with an auto-immune disease next week, and have your vision go so you don't like driving at night. It might be such a disease, might be something else, but respect how people feel, regardless of their age. Some people might be driving at night safely in their 90s, If she doesn't feel safe, she shouldn't be doing it.

I’m 46 and have very short sight and astigmatism and I hate driving at night so I won’t do it. If its not impacting on anyone else it’s up to your Mum.

Has she had a recent sight test? Cataracts can play havoc with night vision which might explain her dislike of driving at night.

I’m 61. I can no longer drive in the dark. Please don’t make her feel bad about it. It’s dangerous.

Having a fall or falling over is just semantics.

Is there any other reason why you are worried about her? Does she work? Have friends? Interests?

I'm mid 40s and was wondering on my way home how much longer I'll be able to drive at night because bright headlights and my astigmatism are making it harder each winter.

Some people can't wait to get old. No idea why!

I got really pissed off a while ago when some said I had had a fall, I didn't have a fall, I fell over playing tennis!

You are not her keeper. Let her get on with it if she wants to insulate herself. But make sure you are not the person she leans on for everything!

Previous post from OP.

"Startrekobsessed · 14/04/2025 22:18
I feel you OP. Whenever my parents leave my husband and I have a very enjoyable bitching session about the things they’ve done that annoyed us during their stay, it’s cathartic!"

Does she understand the difference between falling over and "had a fall"? She may just consider it a figure of speech rather than any deeper meaning.

I'm 40s and given choice between driving in day and driving at night i would pick day.

Ask your optician about film for your lenses which stops the diffusion of headlights. I couldn’t drive at night, but now I can!

What is the difference between falling over and having a fall?

I see what you mean about her shrinking her world prematurely, and assuming there is some tone of voice or backstory that makes you concerned. Is it possible she’s just trying to get your attention?

Night driving is horrible now. I'm 63. I also went flying this week but think I slipped on wet leaves rather than just crumpling to ground like my 85 year old mum. However although old people do say they 'Had a fall' it is pretty much the same thing I guess. These two things alone don't really inducatecany premature aging. Does your mum work as I think that keeps you feeling younger?

I’ve got something on mine, I think it’s Zeiss-something. It helps a little bit, but it’s not a magic cure.

Night driving definitely gets worse as you age.