Mother ageing herself - any advice?

[Startrekobsessed]

My mum has started really ageing herself, she’s started saying she doesn’t like driving at night anymore so avoids doing it and she fell over and called it she ‘had a fall’, she’s 61!

I worry she’s going to start letting her world get smaller and ageing herself much too young, any advice on how to help? My MIL is late 70s and hell would freeze over before she said she had a fall 🤣

any advice greatly appreciated

I won't be trip trapping about in unsafe footwear.

"I will not start wearing beige elasticated trousers."
"I won't be getting a blue rinse."
"I won't be wearing Hotter or Sketcher shoes."
"I won't start wearing pop socks."

Oh dear, I wore pop socks in my 20s and bought some Hotter Chelsea boots in my 40s- fantastic when I had plantar fasciitis. I don't have beige elasticated polyester slacks but have had cotton summer trousers with elasticated waists. No blue rinse but I did have pink hair for a year or so when I was 45.

@Startrekobsessed
Haven't read the whole thread but in case it hasn't been mentioned, has your mum had an eyesight check recently?
Problems with vision can make driving more difficult at night and should be corrected for all driving obviously.
I have just had to get glasses for driving and had no idea that I needed them.

If the OP has a mother anything like mine then I can understand the tone. For me, when my mother does this it is just another example of behaviour to get attention and have everyone running around after her. If you haven’t had a mother like this then it’s probably difficult to understand. She is early 60s too but you would think she is much older. My late father did everything for her and now she expects us to do the same. I understand some people want to slow down as they age, that’s fine but you are still an adult. My mother acts like a toddler and bitches about us all if we don’t all flap around her so if OPs mother is doing this to orchestrate help that she doesn’t need then I do sympathise. For me it is like weaponising old age.

Obviously we don’t know if that is the situation here but just playing devils advocate - some of us have elderly parents who cry wolf and it is exhausting.

I'm 60 and just as interested in heels and bikinis as I always was. Botox not so much as I'd rather spend my money on holidays. Absolutely no interest in volunteering (tbf I work full time and have no plans to give up) or gardening. My life isn't empty at all. Different people have different interests. Mine are just the same at 60 as they have been for years. We're all different and that's ok.

Seems like the OP has an issue understanding ageing. Some of the answers to that thread are beyond wild.

I doubt this thread will educate anyone, the majority of young people on this thread have no understanding of biological ageing.

Did I mention driving at night at all in my post!

You must be in a bad mood today. 😊

I'm not in a bad mood, I'm just done with with posts like yours referring to "old young" or 'young old" on a thread when the major issues the OP is complaining about her mother is not driving at night and calling it a "fall" when she actually fell.

Pretty common to dislike night driving at that age. You should show more compassion.

Plantar fascitis is common as you hit your fifties. It's because you lose fat on the pad of your sole at menopause. I am fine if I wear sensible shoes from places like hotter. I have shoes I wore regularly before menopause that cause my feet to ache if I wear them for more than a few hours. There are good reasons people start wearing certain more sensible shoes.

I think when you are a bit younger you can look at people in their early sixties, see they are still working full time and exercising and assume they feel exactly the same as even five years earlier. In reality there are bodily changes that affect behaviour.

I am still fine driving at night even in heavy rain, but the glare so many of my friends experience means they should not be driving at night.

I am surprised you don't. I am early sixties and the many bereavements of friends, parents and siblings have changed me.

I think life can 'open up' in one's sixties. Retirement can mean a chance to take up new interests.

At the same time there can be physical changes. I get up earlier but also want to go to bed earlier. So I find that some of my social life has shifted towards the day and. Early evening activities are great. Late nights less so. My tolerance for alcohol isn't great.

If someone is worried about a parent in their sixties, I'd want to know what that is about. Of course there are people of my age who don't have many interests and so want to make more demands on their busy adult children.

But beyond encouraging parents to take care of their health and pursue their interests, I don't think there's a great deal the younger generation can do.

Agism is to a large degree comprised of ignorance. Our society has been trained to abhor a lot of isms, but there is zero training to raise awareness of ageism. This thread is full of startling lack of compassion toward the reality of aging, for lots of people. Sneering at comfortable footwear and convenient socks etc is just breathtakingly callous. As if those things were just inherently less worthy than.

I'm mid sixties, hate driving at night. I still work full time and don't rrgard myself as old. Fortunately my kids like me enough to meet up with me during the day if I'm travelling to them.

I am early sixties and didn't regard myself as old. But when I was young I did regard early sixties as old.
At the same time friends my age have already died. So for some people it is older than they will ever get to.

I fell over at work a couple of months ago. The reaction of the people around me was very different now that I'm 59, than it was if I fell in my 30s. Mind you, there was quite a lot of blood and I fractured an orbital bone. I would love to say that I bounced up, but I didn't. It actually gave me a bit of a fright. I'm pretty fit and well; I exercise and take care of my diet, but I went down like a sack of spuds and actually hurt myself, so it definitely made me think about how you change without even knowing it, when you get a bit older.

I don't consider myself old, I'm not old, but I do know that I need to be a bit more mindful of things that I wouldn't have given a second thought to 30 years ago.

I have never ever used makeup or manicures, never worn heels or bikinis don't want a relationship (widowed) and deffo do not want botox. I do wear jeans and trainers.
I too would find it painful to get up off the floor and avoid it where I can. This is because I went hip deep in a bog dogwalking several years ago and trashed a knee.
I still say (or would if I did) that I had fallen over and will still drive in the dark if I need to, and I mean real rural dark, but I have got anti dazzle lenses in my driving glasses. There was a thing on TV about car lights causing accidents due to increasing brightness, so its not age that is making this an issue.
I really dislike seeing so much judgement on here. If you find it sad to watch then don't look. I find it sad that so many younger women on here are so judgy so there we are.

I'm 55 and I struggle to see at night. It's not lack of confidence. It's not cataracts or anything new glasses would help with, I've been to the optician about it. It's not glare from headlights either, although they don't help.

As you get older the rods in your eye (the neurons that are responsible for night vision) can deteriorate. Rods are sensitive to oestrogen, so menopause can cause this.

I can no longer clearly see contrasts in low light, which means for example that although I have no problem reading signs, which are reflective and light up in my headlights, I can't see the edge of the road / pavement at junctions and will miss turnings because of it.

I have no problems during daylight and my glasses are the correct prescription with all relevant coatings. HRT did not seem to improve this, sadly.

I’m 58. We laugh about “having a fall” in our running club. “Having a fall” happens to old people, in their homes, tripping over their own feet.

Hell will freeze before i let anyone say I’ve had a fall. If I fall over it will be on a trail half marathon.

I find it more difficult to drive at night but how else would I get home from work ?? i’m not remotely ready to be under a 5pm curfew for 6 months of the year!