Cockroach cafe - summer

[GnomeDePlume]

A new thread.

This is a place where anyone dealing with elderly parents/relatives/friends can rant, vent, scream into the void.

There is no judgement just understanding, support and good advice.

Only a mini crisis for me today. I organise d
DF's pills into a dosette box each week. Last night he took this morning's pills by mistake- and was confused when he found that this morning's pills weren't there when he woke up. So I have spent today contacting the GP to check whether we should be worried that he'd had two doses of morning meds yesterday and researching pivotell type dispensers. I have ordered one.

Positive news - I contacted a place I used to volunteer at a couple of years ago and offered my services again and they bit my hand off, so I start next week. Really could do with a paid job, but I think it will be good for me to do something outside home that isn't caring. Wish I didn't have the niggling guilty feeling that I should be spending the time helping DF...

@ManchesterMonkey what was the result of your DMs memory test ? If she wants to move nearer you can’t she just do it ?
@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOnecrikey that’s awful, poor you. I don’t know what to say, it doesn’t seem fair.

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne oh no, hope you are being looked after.

Cross-posted. Really sorry to hear this

Oh my! Sending all good wishes for good care and a fast recovery.

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne wishing you strength to get through this and a swift recovery 💐

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne that sounds very scary! I hope you are being well looked after and getting all the support and care you need. Best wishes for a full recovery

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne How scary for you, I hope your recovery is quick.

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne hope you recover well. If it's any comfort, being able to post on here is a good sign.

Goodness @TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne.

How horrid for you. Sending you a handhold

Oh gosh @TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne I am glad you are at the hospital getting treatment. Holding you in my thoughts 💐

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne wishing you well.

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne 💐

so sorry to hear this, hope you have a swift recovery. Like countrygirl, I’m hoping that you being able to post on here in complete sentences is a good sign.

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne omg! How awful, wishing you a full recovery

My day was another low point in my Mum’s journey with brain cancer. Yesterday she told me a carer had smacked her. I told her I couldn’t let that go and launched a complaint with the care home. Today I contacted the gp who visits the home and asked that mum be put on the list for monday.
care home manager spoke with my mum and looked at the massive bruise herself. When asked mum denied anyone had mistreated her and all the carers are lovely.
WTF. How am I supposed to advocate for her when she denies anything has happened.
I’ll have a very large cocktail please to block this out

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne sending all positive thoughts for a speedy recovery.

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne hope you are ok

So mum has been in the care home that goldenballs chose for less than a week and already they are saying that she may need to move. But her needs are pretty standard for someone with mid stage dementia who has just moved location.
Of course she's unsettled, she has dementia and she's been moved out of her home of over 20 years and an hour away from her friends (although not many left. She thinks they meet more than they do).
Of course she doesn't like them washing and dressing her, she's been doing it herself up to now even if she did put grubby clothes back on, so she doesn't accept she needs it.
Great choice by goldenballs. Maybe, just maybe, he should have listened to me for once.

Other than suggesting your original choice I would let him deal with it @countrygirl99. Also does your DM need full help with washing and dressing or can they let her do bits of washing herself and just help with the bits she can't do? They should be allowing her to be as independent as possible, it might reduce her stress around washing.

When we were worried about mum falling we put a camera in the kitchen and the lounge, high enough up so she did not notice them. She always made herself a cup of tea first thing to take back to bed so we would know if she had not got out of bed as normal from looking at the kitchen camera - it covered the hall as well. The lounge one was possibly not necessary but it was helpful to distract her with a phone call if she was doing something dodgy, like the time she invited in a stranger who’d knocked on the door with a hard luck story.

@Choconuttolata I think she just needs someone to make sure dirty clothes have gone in the laundry bin each evening so she's choosing from fresh clothes. I've never noticed her smelling through lack of washing but she smokes so that may have hidden it but her hair is always clean and I always checked the contents of the shower gel were reducing so I don't think she needs any help there. The home carers weren't helping her wash. I suspect GB has overstated her needs in that respect to make sure he could enforce the move as she hasn't consented previously. The move does mean she is close to him though so that could have sold it. He won't consider my recommendation ever because it would mean she would be close to me and he would lose power. She's in a home because she was leaving the gas hob in and it was dangerous for her and her neighbours so it's right she's in a home but I'm pissed off that she's being messed about when he has slagged off everything I have ever done it recommended and repeatedly told me how useless and incompetent I am.

Oh gosh @TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne i hope you make a speedy recovery

Can I get some advice please.

For the past few years I have been observing a lot of odd, odd, odd behaviours from my mother. It's not so much memory loss. It's all behavioural issues like eavesdropping, snooping in handbags when they are left alone, taking stuff that she has no use for, easily angered even though I suspect dementia and I never confronted her. Mindless OCD like tendencies. Like she has loads of resumable facial cleansing cloths and she would stand at the sink with a basin of water lifting them up and down, every day. When I handwash something I just leave it soaking. Her handwashing spells can go up to half and hour and she reminds me of child playing with water. She's definitely seeking a sensorial sensation from water. She can be paranoid. Reduced empathy. There is just so many odd behaviours happening from her.

I strongly suspect one of the rarer types of dementia. Reading online there is an umbrella of dementia and I would put it under FTDbv.

All my siblings live abroad. She can perk up and act in front of them whenever they are home. However behind their backs she has abuse for me. She reminds me of a toddler temper tantruming. They only see a polished version of her.

All my concerns are written off.

I am dealing with a situation and I know it's not a big issue.

Last month I took out the ironing board to go ironing to discover that the ironing board cover was all mouldy. So I took the cover off it. I bought a new ironing board cover but when it came she put it away. Then I found that she washed the mouldy one and she stored it away with the clean towels.

I went to look for the new ironing board cover yesterday and it was hidden. I don't know where it was. I bought the cover to help and she just hid it. It looked to me as if she was never going to use it.

There's also something else, I think maybe her memkry is much worse than what I realise. I think maybe she put it away and forgot about it or she's not able to comprehend what's it in packet is for the ironing board.

She's always doing things where she is is removing what I buy or repurposing things for something else. Like there's no dish draining rack on the sink and I bought one to help but she just removed it and chucked it aside. So wet dishes don't get stacked on a dish drying rack. Just left on a work top.

The cupboard under the kitchen sink was a mess. Absoulte mess. I saw something on tiktok and it was an under cupboard shelf that organised everything. She did use it for a few weeks but eventually she went into a fit of OCD and started to purge that under sink shelf unit and got rid of it for using as a shoe rack for herself.

So the ironing board cover, hidden away has really hurt me. It's just something else for her to write off because I bought it.

Yesterday I came up with a story and I told her that Amazon wants it back because they send me the wrong size and can see please find it. My plan was to get it from her from wherever she hid and when she wasn't around just put it on the ironing board.

Then this morning she started getting angry at me about why Amazon wants it back and she said that she was going to use it but it in the summer time when they come up. Referring to one of my brothers who lives abroad. However I bought that ironing board cover last month and we didn't know what he was doing and we didn't know that he was going to be coming home until the last few days. That just doesn't make any sense to me.

She washed the old ironing board cover however is see there is still a lot of mold stains on it. So I don't know if mold spores were killed in that it not. I don't know.

I really felt she was never going to use the new cover and continue using the old one because it's more familiar for her. I don't know.

I now realise that her memory could be much worse that what I realise but it's just not obvious memory loss.

Now I do t know what to do. Now that I have the packet of new ironing board cover back, do I put it on when she's not looking or do I just return it back to Amazon to get my money back.

@rookiemere test results in a couple of weeks. I think my mum is trying to do the decent thing and have us involved. My brothers are not doing the decent thing as they are thinking about money. I know that if it is a diagnosis of dementia I will end up taking on more responsibilty and I’m dreading and thst her moving near us will mean even more shifting stuff over to my shoulders. I can see very clearly how it will play out. I am going to have to get tougher.