MIL wants stairlift in our house when she visits

[Midliffey]

Hello
i get on well with my MIL. DP stays with her once a week and we have her for the odd weekend and Christmas Easter etc
She has COPD is very immobile and it’s a frame or stick. Can’t stand up indepenly. She pays for a carer everyday to wash her and do housework.
she cannot manage our stairs and has asked we install.stair Lift. I don’t want this. We have a downstairs room she can use but it’s too far from toilet and she says she doesn’t want to use commode.
inhave teens at home and it feels like it’s
not my home as they are always in and out as it is (busy house with 10 at a time on weekends) that’s another story.
i think a stairlift when no one who lives here needs it is a big ask
my husband would do anything for his mother and wants it. He asked me to think about it. I can’t help think it’s selfish that she would ask? Am I being the selfish one ?

I think it would be a bit of a pain and in the way if the lift was there all the time. A lot of folk can't accommodate relatives staying overnight. I suppose you could consider having a downstairs loo put in if you have enough room. But really if she is unable to stay in your house then she can't. Sounds like you do enough for her already.

Shes setting herself up for moving in with you op. Don't do it.

It’s a no from me!

It's not selfish she asked. She is in really bad condition. But I also understand why you wouldn't want.

Installing an en suite is not cheaper than a stair lift

Installing an actual lift is more value destroying than installing a stair lift

OP hasn’t come back to the thread

Thank you everyone for taking time to reply. I feel less awful for thinking an immediate No.
Also thanks for the opposite views that have also made me think.
Ive decided its a no. Ill do commode, visits there etc but I think the lift would angst me out and make me stressed therefore impacting our relationship.

Much too expensive a project and a permanent alteration to your property which may affect a sale in the future. A guest can’t insist on major work in your house.

That sounds like a distinct possibility.

Extra backup for saying no:

Wouldn't the length of time needed to get to and up on a stair lift to the loo cause potential problems when needing the loo?

A downstairs loo would be faster and more convenient for a person with mobility etc issues who was sleeping downstairs, could be fitted with removable bars to aid standing up etc, have an emergency alarm pull, be useful for everyone in the family not just the one person, be pleasant for guests, and a feature if you wanted to move house.

A far better investment in your property than a stairlift and an item everyone could use.

Also, again - they're angling to move her in.

And don't have anything to do with the commode. Say no. You'll end up with it being 'your job'. They can sort that out themselves.

Are you expecting to inherit from her? Base your expectations of what you should do accordingly.

So if your parents or in-laws have some ££ bend over backwards for them, but if not don’t bother?

What an odd way of thinking.

Yes, Yes and Yes to this! 🌹

If MIL is very immobile she might not even be able to get on it by herself.

It was a poor attempt at sarcasm on my part.

I thought it was funny!

Trouble is some people do seriously express these sentiments and we can’t hear the tone of your voice 🤣🤣