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Elderly parents
Original poster

MIL wants stairlift in our house when she visits

266 replies

Midliffey · 11/05/2024 07:56

Hello
i get on well with my MIL. DP stays with her once a week and we have her for the odd weekend and Christmas Easter etc
She has COPD is very immobile and it’s a frame or stick. Can’t stand up indepenly. She pays for a carer everyday to wash her and do housework.
she cannot manage our stairs and has asked we install.stair Lift. I don’t want this. We have a downstairs room she can use but it’s too far from toilet and she says she doesn’t want to use commode.
inhave teens at home and it feels like it’s
not my home as they are always in and out as it is (busy house with 10 at a time on weekends) that’s another story.
i think a stairlift when no one who lives here needs it is a big ask
my husband would do anything for his mother and wants it. He asked me to think about it. I can’t help think it’s selfish that she would ask? Am I being the selfish one ?

OP posts:
Tilelurr · 11/05/2024 07:58

How intrusive. They're ugly things, she's a CF for even asking.

Tell her absolutely not.

Pikapikapikachu11 · 11/05/2024 07:58

Is there. Downstairs toilet? Seems more of anninvestment than ruining stairs for occasional visitor

WimpoleHat · 11/05/2024 07:59

The cost will be absolutely prohibitive, surely? People put them in to allow them to continue to live in their own homes - and you can see how an outlay of thousands is worth it from that point of view. But to install one for a visitor is madness. It will reduce the utility of your own staircase on a day to day basis and will look very cumbersome.

Lbdse · 11/05/2024 07:59

Do you think she has a plan to move in with you in the long term?

autumn1610 · 11/05/2024 08:00

Absolutely not. Not a chance would never happen in my house. It’s your home, if she can’t cope with being at yours then he will need to visit at hers

Rattysparklebum · 11/05/2024 08:03

Lbdse · 11/05/2024 07:59

Do you think she has a plan to move in with you in the long term?

This, there will be no reason why she can’t stay with you for longer periods and then, if she can’t manage on her own, move in permanently.

SheilaFentiman · 11/05/2024 08:04

My mum has one in her house, which is fine as she lives there alone. The way that it is “parked” makes it hard to get past it on the stairs. it would be very hard if carrying eg a pile of washing. She does have narrow stairs but if you do think about it, be very clear where the chair would stop and if people can easily get past.

Purplecatshopaholic · 11/05/2024 08:04

That would be a no from me. Expensive, ugly, and it’s not even for someone living there. Unless that’s her cunning plan… I would close that one down right away. You have others to consider in your home. God, some people are so entitled it boggles my mind!

Cerialkiller · 11/05/2024 08:05

I'm confused how that will help her toileting situation. Surely it will take longer to get up the stairs then use the downstairs loo? Or is it that she wants to sleep in an upstairs bedroom which is closer to a bathroom?

Could you rejig the rooms do her downstairs bedroom is near to the loo. Or add a tiny ensuite to where she is now.

I wouldn't want the stair lift either!

GuinnessBird · 11/05/2024 08:05

Hell no.

SheilaFentiman · 11/05/2024 08:06

Also, my mum has one walking frame upstairs and one down, because that can’t go up and down on the chair. So the frame downstairs is in the way when she’s gone to bed. Again, fine for her house but more tricky for yours as you have lots of people who will be up after her bedtime

rookiemere · 11/05/2024 08:07

Doesn't a chairlift cost several thousand pounds. Spolier alert - she isn't planning a short visit, she wants to move in.

menopausalmare · 11/05/2024 08:07

Definitely not. If she can't manage stairs to visit the loo then you should visit her at home or take her out places.

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 11/05/2024 08:07

Hahaha! 🤣🤣🤣No!!!!!! Ridiculous.

It’ll take up a huge amount of space, probably get knocked about by your teens, awkward things to manoeuvre around.

Mmmkaay · 11/05/2024 08:08

If you can manage it then I agree with a pp that a downstairs loo/shower room would be a better investment, plus feel more like you were doing it for mutual benefit.

TeeBee · 11/05/2024 08:08

Nope, it'll devalue your home. Stay firm.

rightoguvnor · 11/05/2024 08:09

I wouldn't do it but I'd certainly be open to doing some work that would add value/be useful in future (sorry to sound harsh, but when your MIL is no longer visiting).
Maybe adding an en suite to the available downstairs room would be the best option.

DeedlessIndeed · 11/05/2024 08:09

Maybe she'd be better staying at a hotel when visiting.
If you were being generous you could offer to contribute something towards this. If she complains about cost remind her that a stair lift would have been multiple thousand £

Elieza · 11/05/2024 08:10

Why is she coming to visit you? Can her son not go and visit her "so you'll be more comfortable mum". That would solve the issues.

You can't he making permanent and expensive changes to your house for an occasional visitor.

I'm thinking both of them are secretly planning for her to move in. In the future. And just paving the way just now.

Her future is what you need to talk to DH about.

SheilaFentiman · 11/05/2024 08:12

My mum’s stairlift was 3-4k, though it wasn’t the cheapest one. They can be removed by the company and sold back to them for second hand. So I don’t think the “devalue the house” argument flies.

The least MIL could do would be to pay for it!

gertrudeteacake · 11/05/2024 08:12

She'll probably need a commode at some point so she might as well get used to one at yours. I would say no. A stairlift isn't a sensible solution.

Stickytreacle · 11/05/2024 08:13

You'd be mad to consider it. As others have said it sounds more like they intend moving her in permanently. Id be putting my foot down over this or you will be becoming her carer full time. Id be furious with my DP for even suggestong it.

MontyDonsBlueScarf · 11/05/2024 08:13

We had a stairlift in the last stages of my DH's illness. I was beyond grateful for the way it allowed him some independence but I still found it a real nuisance several times a day.

triballeader · 11/05/2024 08:13

TBH a fitted downstairs loo would add far more to your property value for a very similar cost.Only if you have the room for one though. I have looked at stairlifts and decided they take up way too much space on the stairs, provide a b. Dangerous trip hazard and are not my safest option. I will be installing a lift when the stairs become impossible. If you do not need a stairlift say NO it is your home not hers. You can visit her or offer to take her out to accessible places instead.

JuvenileBigfoot · 11/05/2024 08:16

I go to a lot of homes with stair lifts for work and they are massive. They take up at least a quarter of stair space and are a hassle to clamber past. Depending on stair style you might also have to climb over the parked chair. And if you have a turn in tbe staircase they are even bigger! It's not at all practical for an occasional visit.
Plus they are expensive.