MIL wants stairlift in our house when she visits

[Midliffey]

Hello
i get on well with my MIL. DP stays with her once a week and we have her for the odd weekend and Christmas Easter etc
She has COPD is very immobile and it’s a frame or stick. Can’t stand up indepenly. She pays for a carer everyday to wash her and do housework.
she cannot manage our stairs and has asked we install.stair Lift. I don’t want this. We have a downstairs room she can use but it’s too far from toilet and she says she doesn’t want to use commode.
inhave teens at home and it feels like it’s
not my home as they are always in and out as it is (busy house with 10 at a time on weekends) that’s another story.
i think a stairlift when no one who lives here needs it is a big ask
my husband would do anything for his mother and wants it. He asked me to think about it. I can’t help think it’s selfish that she would ask? Am I being the selfish one ?

I don't buy that logic.
I know someone who had a wheelchair lift. It eventually needed replacing as they could no longer get spare parts for it.
The same thing could happen with a stairlift no guarantee that parts would still be available in 10-15 years.

@quizzys read the first Post more carefully.
We have a downstairs room she can use but it’s too far from toilet

I'm reading that as there is a downstairs loo.

I had one for my mother that my husband later used. It still worked and we were lazy about servicing it. It was second hand so really quite old.

How about looking at popping a loo in nearer the downstairs room or even an en-suite which would enhance your home rather than devaluing it. Could well cost about the same as a chair lift.

@Hayliebells Stairlifts are easy to remove, though. They are fixed to the stairs and not the wall as many people think. The worst case scenario is you'd need a new stair carpet.

It's all very well, installing loos and other things. BUT, there will be more incentive for dh to agree to let his dm move in whether OP wants it or not.
This isn't just about stair lifts but potential long term situations.

How will it devalue the OPs home?

Yes my mother had to use a commode as she couldn’t get up the stairs and I agree they are not pleasant.
I agree if you can’t manage in someone else’s house you shouldn’t stay.

Exactly what my mil used my fil’s for!

Hell, no, OP, the plan is clearly for her to move in down the line, just no. A stairlift is obviously not going to happen when have teenagers running up and down. How often does she stay? Could your Dh not stay with her instead?

So the Op should go to the expense and massive inconvenience of installing a stairlift in her home, not her mil’s, for 10 minutes use a couple of times a year?! That’s not logical.

Op just a thought if she was in one of the upstairs rooms, how far away would the loo be?
Or am I jumping the gun to think she'll have an eye on the master bedroom with the en-suite.

They're planning to move her in.

Then your home really won't be your home.

You'll be an unpaid nurse, cleaner, carer.

Investigate installing a downstairs loo and shower instead, which will enhance your home, not blight it.

I wouldn't be installing a stair lift when no one living in the house needs one. They are ugly and cumbersome and it be would be hugely inconvenient to live with.Tell your DH you have thought about it and the answer is, "No."

I agree with other posters the plan is for MIL to move in permanently.

I’d do it if I could afford it. DP’s mum drives us crazy but when she asked for some disability aids (massive plastic handles drilled into the walls) by the doors and stairs in our house I said yes. They’re ugly AF and everyone always comments on them but it’s not important. I would get a stairlift for her if she needed it in the future. She’s never moving in tho!

That will be stage 1, stage 2 is her moving in to live with you.

Did you know that you can hire one for short spells? It leaves no mark behind when you
take it out.

Not an effing chance.

No. If she can’t manage to stay at yours, it would be cheaper, quicker and simpler for her to stay at a nearby hotel when she visits.

She's planning on moving in.

No way would I do this for someone who just visits. It will massively be in the way.

She's looking to eventually move in with you, is my guess. If she can sleep downstairs, is there room to move the downstairs toilet (assuming you have one)?

I wouldn't do it. I'd do what a PP said and get a small-ish wheelchair for her to use to wheel herself to the bathroom and possibly install grab bars to help her maneuver from the chair to the toilet.

But you do say that she 'can't stand up independently', so how does she manage at home? She has to be able to get out of bed in the morning, get out of a chair during the day, get off the toilet, etc etc.

What does she do during the day at your house? She must use the downstairs loo then. Is it that much further from 'her' room to the loo than from the living room to the loo?

I don't know about a nefarious plan to move in, but could part of it be that she doesn't like being 'all alone' downstairs at night (assuming the family bedrooms are all upstairs) and fears not making it to the toilet? If this is a real concern, then DH needs to sleep downstairs to help her. But again, how does she manage this at home?

No . I would get a small lightweight wheel chair to take her to the downstairs toilet when needed and put some adaptations in there if needed .

I really don't think this is needed. She doesn't live at your house and for the odd times she does comes over , im sorry she's just got to make do, ive never known anyone else that's had mobility issues to make this request to their kids. Usually once the mobility issues start everyone goes to visit said person in their home not start making adaptations to their own home for occasional visits. To me her asking this is the road to her moving in. I don't think you're being selfish. Your hubby spends one night a week with her and she comes to you as well like you said for the odd weekend, what more understanding from you do these ppl want? If you don't want it don't agree to it.

We did the same thing.