MIL wants stairlift in our house when she visits

[Midliffey]

Hello
i get on well with my MIL. DP stays with her once a week and we have her for the odd weekend and Christmas Easter etc
She has COPD is very immobile and it’s a frame or stick. Can’t stand up indepenly. She pays for a carer everyday to wash her and do housework.
she cannot manage our stairs and has asked we install.stair Lift. I don’t want this. We have a downstairs room she can use but it’s too far from toilet and she says she doesn’t want to use commode.
inhave teens at home and it feels like it’s
not my home as they are always in and out as it is (busy house with 10 at a time on weekends) that’s another story.
i think a stairlift when no one who lives here needs it is a big ask
my husband would do anything for his mother and wants it. He asked me to think about it. I can’t help think it’s selfish that she would ask? Am I being the selfish one ?

Putting in a downstairs toilet would make much more sense and would add value.

Absolutely no way. They are ugly and take up so much space. Obviously great for those who need in their own home. Terrible for a household who doesn't need it!

Yes, my parents had one installed in their council house. All sorts of problems attached to them. An additional one is that if you decide to change your carpet, you have to get someone to remove and then replace it.

I wouldn't want to fit a stairlift for an occasional visitor, I think it's a bit cheeky to ask. Maybe you could suggest to DH that you all visit her a bit more, is she feeling lonely? It must be difficult for her to get out and about with her mobility problems and the days must seem long. If you get on well with her, could make the effort to pop in once or twice a week for a cuppa and cake or a meal?

This is a hard no from me.

It's not as simple as just having a stairlift fit. You then have to have your handrail moved as they interfere.

My mum's old one was bad enough but when they changed it for a new one the handrail was moved and extended it was 1.1m high (some very sore shoulders ensued) Her stairs are wider than standard stairs and it was a complete nightmare moving anything. Regulations mean the chair has to stop at the penultimate step meaning it stays narrow. We constantly had to keep moving it to get things through. The building inspector said oh don't worry it will be narrower than the old one, it wasn't it was a good 20cm wider when folded up. Add the hand rail and it lost 25cm+ on the steps further than the previous one which was bad enough.

This. It’s a slippery slope once the stairlift is in!

it would be a no from me and you’re not being unreasonable.

@Midliffey so she has a room downstairs and there is a toilet downstairs? why the hell does she need a stairlift?? she has a cheek even asking for only 4 visits a year and your hubby should not be even thinking about it either! I dont understand why he needs to go an spend the night with his mother every week either???

No, I wouldnt be doing this.

Agree, your DH is thinking of moving her in. Absolutely hell no would be my reaction. No, I’m not putting a stair lift in and no, your mother will not be coming and living with us in the future. I’d lay that out right now!

Surely an en-suite would be cheaper-and incidentally add value to the house?

We moved into a house with one - it was great for moving our stuff and redecorating!
piled it on the chair and whizzed it up with the remote!!!

our nephew loved playing on it for hours!!
pain in the arse otherwise

Fold up seats seem to be standard, but they can still be bulky. It isn't something I would choose to live with for occasional non essential visits.
If we had had more time we might have found something more slimline, but still...

No.

I'm not fitting an ugly, oversized, cumbersome stairlift to my home when no one here needs one. It's batshit for an occasional visitor to think they have the right to even request this.

I think she's very selfish to want this for an occasional visit!
There must be a way to reconfigure which will be useful for you too
Install hand rails and/ or add a bannister to the other side
En suite
Consider a " saniflo" toilet in a small space.
I am moderately disabled and wouldn't dream of imposing on my DC
Commodes aren't too bad nowadays, you can fit a disposable liner with an insert( like a disposable nappy) then you just tie bag and bin it.( recent experience here)

Moving in by stealth.

Since OP's home is unsuitable for her now, is there somewhere else she can stay, affordably, that meets her needs, if she wants to come visit?

Add a downstairs toilet, instead. It will add value to your house, as well.
if you already have a downstairs toilet, then add a spare room, which could otherwise be used as a study.
My advice would not be to add a stair lift, unless it was the house she was living in.

Also, how often is "the odd weekend"? Like 2x a year + Easter & Christmas, each time only for 1-3 nights?

@Midliffey I've just re-read your post. There is a downstairs toilet but too far from the room she uses. Can you juggle the rooms downstairs so she sleeps closer to the downstairs loo?

Unless you live in some sort of Palace I can't work out how the loo can be too far away but the stairs will be accessible and moving around from the top of the stairs to the bedrooms will be any easier.

This is definitely a ploy to move in.
A rock solid no from me (unless you really LOVE your MIL and she's been super helpful to you and DH as adults)

Yep.

Blooming heck I must be naive, I just thought no way to stair lift.
but as others have said, it’s a plan to move in/ stay for lengthy visits, isn’t it

I agree with everyone that this is a selfish and batshit request. Look how much inconvenience and expense you're expected to go to so that you can pander to her preference not to use a commode!

I also think that this would probably be a pretty short term benefit, even if you did do it, given her state of health. There's not much room for deterioration between "can't manage to shuffle from the downstairs bedroom to the downstairs loo" and "can't manage to make the journey and visit overnight full stop." UNLESS she is planning to move in with you at the point where she needs lots of care...

No.
In my Mum's case, her stair lift was half the width of her staircase & a real pain. With a foot that opened out across the opening to her sitting room when she needed to use it
Selling it back was not permitted for us.

But there are some commodes available that look like a perfectly normal chair.
This has to be her solution. 

I'd be alarmed at the suggestion. The day will come when she wants to move in 'since it's already set up for her'. fuck that.

Tell your bloke to stop asking and if shes struggling at yours then visiting her will have to do.

I see proper tension in your future though. I'd have the chat now to see if husband is thinking along the lines.