Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Elderly parents
Original poster

100th birthday and 2 daughters not coming for the day

324 replies

TizerorFizz · 02/03/2024 11:28

I simply don’t know how to tell my mum that they are not coming. 100th is at Easter and they are saying trains are unreliable. 3 out of 5 grandchildren not coming either - all adults. How do I tell mum? I’m devastated for her. I’m finding it hard to suppress my anger. One of my siblings rarely visits anyway but surely for a 100th birthday you make the effort!? Any advice welcome.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 02/03/2024 11:29

Yes I agree that is really bad form. How many children does your mum have in total, so how many are coming?

rubyslippers · 02/03/2024 11:30

I think for a milestone like that it’s a shame that people aren’t making an effort
the only thing I would say is that Easter can be tricky for trains so maybe they just need to do some more forward planning

NarnianQueen · 02/03/2024 11:31

If they're saying trains aren't reliable why aren't they sourcing other transport?

user14928261 · 02/03/2024 11:32

That's pretty poor. Even if trains aren't reliable, for a 100th birthday you'd at least take your chances or try to find an alternative unless you've got a very good reason.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 02/03/2024 11:34

How far away are they? Could they not drive/pay petrol money for a lift depending on distance?

Hellocatshome · 02/03/2024 11:34

YANBU they have plenty of time to sort something out, trains are not the only source of transport. Even if they were you might as well try to get there by train, unreliable doesnt mean they definitely won't be running. Not booking one at all means you 100% won't get there.

TwentyFirstCenturyOracle · 02/03/2024 11:35

I don't think you can police other people's relationships. If they don't want to come for her birthday they don't have to. You can do something lovely for her. It doesn't have to be about their absence. It can be about the people who are there to celebrate with her.

GinForBreakfast · 02/03/2024 11:35

If your mum is 100 does that mean her children are in the 60s and 70s? Do they have any health issues?

My part of the country has no long distance trains running right now, replacement bus services instead which double the journey time. Also with a warning that they might not have enough bus drivers, so I empathise!

gavisconismyfriend · 02/03/2024 11:35

Surely it is their job to tell her? Sounds like you probably already do more than others, it isn’t your responsibility to do their dirty work as well.

TraitorsGate · 02/03/2024 11:36

I didn't manage to get to a 90th because of covid and dh illness, we did facetime and lots of photos. Maybe they just don't want to go and are looking for excuses. Why is it left to you to tell mum, can't they tell her themselves, what does mum want to do for the day.

fruity81 · 02/03/2024 11:37

Clearly these siblings don’t have a strong relationship with her

The fact that she’s celebrating 100 doesn’t mean she was a good mother

fruity81 · 02/03/2024 11:38

One of my siblings rarely visits anyway but surely for a 100th birthday you make the effort!?

not if you have little relationship with her due to a negative history

fruity81 · 02/03/2024 11:38

how far do you have to travel versus them?

Babyroobs · 02/03/2024 11:39

I would just try to make it special for her in other ways - can they facetime for a while on the day , send some flowers etc

Sunnnybunny72 · 02/03/2024 11:41

fruity81 · 02/03/2024 11:37

Clearly these siblings don’t have a strong relationship with her

The fact that she’s celebrating 100 doesn’t mean she was a good mother

This.
Thats quite a few people choosing not to attend. One might wonder why.

SignoraVolpe · 02/03/2024 11:41

I’d make it clear to my siblings that they tell the dm themselves.
Its not your responsibility to make excuses for them.

crumblingschools · 02/03/2024 11:43

I think engineering works do happen a lot over Easter holidays.

How often are they normally in contact?

I missed a relative’s 100th birthday celebrations as I had norovirus. I was really disappointed but couldn’t take the risk of giving that to her or other people in her care home

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/03/2024 11:43

You can’t police other people’s feelings. They must have their reasons.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 02/03/2024 11:43

Unless they are you dc then I'd keep out of it, nothing to do with you and everything to do with sibling(s) who have maybe raised them to be too flaky...

WandaWonder · 02/03/2024 11:44

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/03/2024 11:43

You can’t police other people’s feelings. They must have their reasons.

This exactly, I would assume they have their reasons people don't own others decisions

Toblerbone · 02/03/2024 11:48

Honestly OP, it's a pity but it's up to them. Stop worrying about other people and just focus on your own relationship with your mum. Why do you need to be the one to tell her?

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 02/03/2024 11:50

If you were able to magically wave a wand and make the travel issue go away would they still not come?

7Summers · 02/03/2024 11:54

You have no right to be angry with them. They’re adults and will have their reasons. I’m sure if they wanted to be there, they would be, which leads me to think they’re not close. Being 100 doesn’t suddenly make people close.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 02/03/2024 11:55

Its their place to explain to her not yours, if she is deaf so phone calls are not possible then I think a 100 year old would appreciate a letter. I would go back to them and ask when would be convenient instead, a weekend before or after maybe then celebrate slightly earlier or later see if they have further excuses.

Abouttimeforanamechange · 02/03/2024 12:01

How far do they have to travel? How complicated is the journey? Easter weekend there are likely to be engineering works, which could mean one or more replacement buses, and hours added to the journey time.

Did you ask your relatives whether the date would suit them before making the arrangements?

Swipe left for the next trending thread