100th birthday and 2 daughters not coming for the day

[TizerorFizz]

I simply don’t know how to tell my mum that they are not coming. 100th is at Easter and they are saying trains are unreliable. 3 out of 5 grandchildren not coming either - all adults. How do I tell mum? I’m devastated for her. I’m finding it hard to suppress my anger. One of my siblings rarely visits anyway but surely for a 100th birthday you make the effort!? Any advice welcome.

[Babyroobs]

Yes I agree that is really bad form. How many children does your mum have in total, so how many are coming?

[rubyslippers]

I think for a milestone like that it’s a shame that people aren’t making an effort
the only thing I would say is that Easter can be tricky for trains so maybe they just need to do some more forward planning

[NarnianQueen]

If they're saying trains aren't reliable why aren't they sourcing other transport?

[user14928261]

That's pretty poor. Even if trains aren't reliable, for a 100th birthday you'd at least take your chances or try to find an alternative unless you've got a very good reason.

[IDontLoveTheWayYouLie]

How far away are they? Could they not drive/pay petrol money for a lift depending on distance?

[Hellocatshome]

YANBU they have plenty of time to sort something out, trains are not the only source of transport. Even if they were you might as well try to get there by train, unreliable doesnt mean they definitely won't be running. Not booking one at all means you 100% won't get there.

[TwentyFirstCenturyOracle]

I don't think you can police other people's relationships. If they don't want to come for her birthday they don't have to. You can do something lovely for her. It doesn't have to be about their absence. It can be about the people who are there to celebrate with her.

[GinForBreakfast]

If your mum is 100 does that mean her children are in the 60s and 70s? Do they have any health issues?

My part of the country has no long distance trains running right now, replacement bus services instead which double the journey time. Also with a warning that they might not have enough bus drivers, so I empathise!

[gavisconismyfriend]

Surely it is their job to tell her? Sounds like you probably already do more than others, it isn’t your responsibility to do their dirty work as well.

[TraitorsGate]

I didn't manage to get to a 90th because of covid and dh illness, we did facetime and lots of photos. Maybe they just don't want to go and are looking for excuses. Why is it left to you to tell mum, can't they tell her themselves, what does mum want to do for the day.

[fruity81]

Clearly these siblings don’t have a strong relationship with her

The fact that she’s celebrating 100 doesn’t mean she was a good mother

[fruity81]

One of my siblings rarely visits anyway but surely for a 100th birthday you make the effort!?

not if you have little relationship with her due to a negative history

[fruity81]

how far do you have to travel versus them?

[Babyroobs]

I would just try to make it special for her in other ways - can they facetime for a while on the day , send some flowers etc

[Sunnnybunny72]

@fruity81

Clearly these siblings don’t have a strong relationship with her

The fact that she’s celebrating 100 doesn’t mean she was a good mother

This.
Thats quite a few people choosing not to attend. One might wonder why.

[SignoraVolpe]

I’d make it clear to my siblings that they tell the dm themselves.
Its not your responsibility to make excuses for them.

[crumblingschools]

I think engineering works do happen a lot over Easter holidays.

How often are they normally in contact?

I missed a relative’s 100th birthday celebrations as I had norovirus. I was really disappointed but couldn’t take the risk of giving that to her or other people in her care home

[MrsSkylerWhite]

You can’t police other people’s feelings. They must have their reasons.

[Commonsenseisnotsocommon]

Unless they are you dc then I'd keep out of it, nothing to do with you and everything to do with sibling(s) who have maybe raised them to be too flaky...

[WandaWonder]

@MrsSkylerWhite

You can’t police other people’s feelings. They must have their reasons.

This exactly, I would assume they have their reasons people don't own others decisions

[Toblerbone]

Honestly OP, it's a pity but it's up to them. Stop worrying about other people and just focus on your own relationship with your mum. Why do you need to be the one to tell her?

[TheCountessofFitzdotterel]

If you were able to magically wave a wand and make the travel issue go away would they still not come?

[7Summers]

You have no right to be angry with them. They’re adults and will have their reasons. I’m sure if they wanted to be there, they would be, which leads me to think they’re not close. Being 100 doesn’t suddenly make people close.

[CheeseCakeSunflowers]

Its their place to explain to her not yours, if she is deaf so phone calls are not possible then I think a 100 year old would appreciate a letter. I would go back to them and ask when would be convenient instead, a weekend before or after maybe then celebrate slightly earlier or later see if they have further excuses.

[Abouttimeforanamechange]

How far do they have to travel? How complicated is the journey? Easter weekend there are likely to be engineering works, which could mean one or more replacement buses, and hours added to the journey time.

Did you ask your relatives whether the date would suit them before making the arrangements?