100th birthday and 2 daughters not coming for the day

[TizerorFizz]

I simply don’t know how to tell my mum that they are not coming. 100th is at Easter and they are saying trains are unreliable. 3 out of 5 grandchildren not coming either - all adults. How do I tell mum? I’m devastated for her. I’m finding it hard to suppress my anger. One of my siblings rarely visits anyway but surely for a 100th birthday you make the effort!? Any advice welcome.

Slightly off topic - don't forget to order the birthday card from The Palace!

Really? London to Leeds is about 200 miles. I've done that a few times in a day. I wouldn't blink at the idea of a return trip to either York or Newcastle in a day, but then I am used to travelling considerably further to see my Mum, with a much more complicated journey, which makes it essential to stay for a few days, as it wouldn't be worth it otherwise.

Not to mention the standard MN-er who insists that anyone who doesnt shower every day and wash their hair at least every two days must smell. It’s not just instagram teens would struggle

If she’s getting State Pension, the card comes automatically and doesn’t need to be ordered.

Don't you have planes in the UK?

Honestly, I know people who have flown from another country to attend such an important milestone, why do Brits always carry on as if a long journey within their own country is such a big deal?

Don't you have planes in the UK?

Of course we do, it’s the only form of transport our prime minister will deign to use.

I live four hours away from the nearest airport.

Because public transport is crap

I travel about once a month by train for work, and there has been one journey in the last 12 months that hadn't been impacted by strikes, overtime bans, cancellations, landslip etc etc etc

Never mind if you are less able bodied (I'm not implying the family members are just speaking from my own experience), the last minute platform changes that don't leave enough time to get to the new platform and can sometimes be badly announced for the hard of hearing, Euston only releasing platform numbers a short time before the train arrives so you have to rush, lifts out of service, a lack of staff for wheelchair ramps and them forgetting you need someone when you arrive at your destination, etc etc etc

Oh and trains where you can't reserve a specific seat so it's pot luck and depends on which station you get on at as to whether you even get to sit down, not much fun on a long journey or with a disability.

I've travelled through 14 countries of Europe by train (and counting) and I can always rely on the fact its the British trains that will muck my journey up

And whilst we do have planes not everyone lives near an airport to make it worthwhile. My journey to one of the offices I go to is 5 hours away by train. An hour and a half by plane but then I am a 2 hour train journey away from the airport so its not really worth it.

Of course we have planes but a lot of people don't live near an airport or not near one that flies where they want to go. My nearest airport is two hours away and flies to various European destinations or the Channel Islands. So useless if I wanted to go somewhere within the rest of the U.K.

High speed rail on some lines is relatively good, but a lot isn't and is subject to delays, cancellations, strikes. I regularly travel long distance and almost every journey has been delayed and some I've had to reroute entirely as there were so many cancellations. Plus it's pretty unpleasant squashed onto those trains for hours even if you're lucky enough to get a seat.

I was in a LDR for years when younger and I don't think we ever spent an Easter weekend together because of disruption to the trains. They really are that bad during that time.

Op , judging from the tone of your posts, maybe it’s you they don’t want to be around?
it sounds like you have taken on the role of most responsible sibling for decades .
you have arranged a celebration for people hundreds of miles away whilst, knowing that they are reliant on public transportation you have organised it for a public holiday .
thry way you talk about your mums views differing from your siblings and about her being ‘respected’ sounds as though you have completely disconnected from any possibility of emotional differences and needs.
my mum was hugely abusive to me, a dangerous and toxic woman but she treated my siblings very differently and they (including her) often insinuated I was lying and as she succumbed to ill health they whitewashed all the bad stuff using phrases like yours ‘she’s just an old lady’ etc.
siblings don’t all have the same experience all the time and there’s no getting away from the fact that half your family has voted with their feet but also interesting that you have subconsciously or otherwise made it difficult for them to attend.
also speaks volumes that both siblings have not had children, people often choose this option when traumatised by their own childhood.
enjoy your big day with your mum and leave everyone else to live their lives as they choose.

Yes, because I wouldn't want to feel that I'd let him down. It's one day out of my life and special for the person celebrating.
I wonder if the same folks who wouldn't make the effort, will be posting in the future, moaning because invitees didn't attend their event.

So , let’s say, he’d always denigrated you, criticised you, not been remotely loving or supportive towards you? Sucker for punishment

one of these siblings chose to go NC with her mother for 7 years according to another thread and only recently saw her mother again. and now only very infrequently and she lives on the other side of the country to her. Strike you as perhaps there being a little backstory?

also speaks volumes that both siblings have not had children, people often choose this option when traumatised by their own childhood.

OP says siblings' children are adults, not that they don't have children.

you have arranged a celebration for people hundreds of miles away whilst, knowing that they are reliant on public transportation you have organised it for a public holiday**

As has been already pointed out, the date was set 100 years ago. It’s not OP’s fault that a moving public holiday has settled on it this year.

No it's not unreasonable that this has been proposed for a date that is a public holiday this year but people don't choose for there to be engineering and disruptions to trains. It's very unrealistic.

I mean me and my partner wanted to spend long weekends together but that wasn't enough to overcome how difficult it can be to travel by train at Easter.

It’s a double edged sword doing things on bank holidays: some people who wouldn’t otherwise be able to come will because they can get time off work, but travel will be extra hard which will be prohibitive for another set of people.

Someone at work mentioned this story to me:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13153959/grandfather-grandchildren-fortune-judge.html

in what context?!

may come as a surprise but some people don’t care about inheritance!

haven’t scrolled right through but if mother is 100, siblings are likely to be in their 70s, possibly even 80s. They may have issues of their own which makes a 500 mile round trip in public transport impossible.

They are 58 and 63, IIRC. Not impossibly that they have health and/or mobility issues, but unlikely.

Well none related to this thread !!

exactly
but i’m wondering if the OP was talking about this mumsnet thread to her colleagues or whether her colleague just happened to raise this!

There’s no back story.

says the daughter who is both geographically and emotionally close to her mother

wonder what the daughter (s) would say who chose to live on the other side of the country and very very rarely choose to see their mother