Dad giving money to brother AGAIN!

[paulfoel]

Bit of background. As Dad got older he became a complete nightmare. Wife doesn't speak to him (his fault completely and I don't blame her at all!).
I've had to step away a bit or I'd probably be divorced by now.

BUT I still do what I can for him. Live 40+ mins away and got my own kids so sometimes. He still really takes the p**
Got brother who lives a mile away. No kids (that he sees). Don't speak to him.

Anyway, couple of times I've caught Dad out now. I pay bills for him and so can access his bank account. Not sure why he thinks I can't see - but I see recently hes been giving money to brother again.

Dad does occasionally give money to both of us. I don't need it but my brother doesn't either it all goes down the pub. BUT I know my brother plays the sob story....

He plays favourites a LOT does Dad. He who visits the most gets cash bonus. So its mostly my brother because he knows how to play the game well. Pop in after work for 10 mins kerching, send you're wife (who doesnt work) in the daytime kerching. Of course I can't do that.

I do what I can. Sort his bills, do shopping for him. In the past, I've sorted out grants for disabled improvements to his house, sorted his hearing aid, got him discounts for Sky etc. I just refuse to do things like hospital appts at 9am (because I can't get there in time, got to get youngest to school) - but I have arranged taxis and paid for them, arranged patient transport, arranged home visits. None of which it seems is as good as turning up on the spot.

I don't need the money but its the principle that I do this but I'm not on the bonus list it seems. Should I be peed off here?

I’m sorry it sounded harsh, ultimately it’s not your fault you’re in this position, as you are both a product of your upbringing and it is incredibly difficult to look objectively at it as it’s a natural learned behaviour. But it’s never too late to stop the cycle, are you going to look back when you dad is gone and say ‘I’m glad I spent so much time and effort arguing with my dad, moaning about the situation and crucially, trying desperately to win his approval and I’m glad I don’t have a relationship with my brother because I blamed him for a lot of it when really he was just as much of a victim as me’ or are you going to look back and regret all that wasted time when you could have stopped it at any point. It’s a rhetorical question, but worth thinking about, you can’t change other peoples behaviour but you can change your own.

I’ll do one and go away now I promise!