Tired of paying MIL bills

[Meklk]

Sorry for my English, I'm not British but I really like this website and looking for advice...
We renting a house in London together with my father in law. So there were 3 adults (FIL, husband,me) and one child (my son) .
We never had any issues, I really like my father in law, he helped us with childcare in the past, very nice and friendly guy. I was all the time cooking for all of us, cleaning, helping him with laundry,etc.
My mother in law used to live in other country. And January, 2022 she decided she wants to live in UK, together with us. I was happy that my son will spend more time with his grandparents, my husband missed his mother too.
But... That women is like 5 extra persons in house- she showering minimum 3 times a day, using dishwasher with 2 dirty plates after every single meal, washing machine and thumbler dryer working NON STOP 24/7. Every single night I'm waking from heat,she put thermostat on 25 degrees. I just got the bill for gas and electricity and almost fainted.
My husband tried to spoke with her that we still sharing all the costs between him, his father and me and it's quite tough to be honest, we pay for childcare until September, I have reduced hours because my illness.
She was soooo upset, she was crying all evening that we don't respect her,that she is too old to work (she is 53). It was very polite conversation, I even offered to try some "saving' ideas,like wash our work uniforms together, etc.She said she worked enough in her life and doesn't want to feel cold or keep dirty clothes in laundry basket.
I still trying to be nice with everyone but this situation drives me crazy. I'm going to work with terrible pains ( I'm cleaner and have arthritis) and have to spend all money for bills. I would better buy my son some toys rather than pay massive bills.
Should I try to speak with her? Or leave it for my husband?

Kick her out.

Tell her it isn't on and the tears won't work.
It is really odd behaviour and I would think there was something seriously wrong mentally with someone who needed to shower and change that often.

Using a washing machine and dishwasher multiple times a day for a couple of items at a time is absurd.

Did she do this where she lived before?

Get rid of the dishwasher. Unplug the washing machine after one wash.

Nah seriously have rules for everyone. Have a timer for the shower. Just sit everyone down and say bills are too high we need to follow rules.

I’d remove the fuse from the plugs for the dishwasher and washing machine. Only fit them when you want to use them.

I would be tempted to take the fuse out and cut of the electric, say oh sorry we been cut off we couldn't afford the bill 💸.
She sounds very selfish and entitled, she needs to be told again to stop , if she cries you cry two can play that game .

I told her no, many times, last days the only thing I'm doing-following her... I'm trying to be nice, showed her BBC website with article about rising prices, explained her, asked her at least-"wait for me, I'll finish to cook and we can put all dishes together". She switched on machine while I went to toilet. Basically I need to fight with her, unplug things, follow her. And I'm tired of this.Every single time she starts to cry, calling her friends, complaining about me.

Switch dishwasher off again if she did this and same with washing machine

You need to get dh to deal with it. Take a step back and make it his problem. He needs to explain to her that you can't afford the extra she is creating in utility costs.

Remove the fuses from the dishwasher, washing machine and everything electric she uses

Unless she's really stupid she is doing it on purpose. She really is taking the piss.
Tell her if she can't follow rules she can leave.

You can buy lockable plug socket covers so you and FIL could have a key and you would be able to switch off at socket so she couldn't use them.

You and your dh need to find your own place to live or your pil do. She sounds a nightmare to live with.

Sorry but I think you should ask her to leave. She will push your bills to the brink. Does she have OCD? Why would you put in a wash for a tea towel?

Ignore the tears and emotional blackmail. 53 is not old. My partner is 53! He drives 1,000 miles a week plus his actual work. She is totally taking the piss.

And it’s for your DH to tell her. Or your FIL.

Take the amps out of plugs or refuse to pay her share of bills!

If your in laws own property abroad, why are they living here? Your family obviously have enough money invested abroad to buy a property here in UK, so this is the answer.
Ask them to sell their properties, and buy something here in UK for the in laws to live in and then they can leave you be.

@Meklk

Sometimes I'm thinking maybe I'm too dirty or what, but I don't think that's normal, for example: Today: *She had shower 8am, around 15mins *She put one towel and underwear for 3hrs washing *She cooked something around 11am, put on dishwasher (one pan, one plate, one fork),had shower again *Again one towel for washing *5pm one more shower and third towel with leggings and t-shirts to wash *Around 6pm she made some sandwiches and just put one tea towel for wash And it's bloody just 8 pm... I'm pretty sure it will be one more load for washing and dishwasher on..

Every time she uses the dishwasher and washing machine wastefully, turn it off.

If it's a power shower, turn the pump off. Same with heating,

Every. Single. Time

You, your DH and DC need to find somewhere else to live, or FIL and MIL do. She sounds unhinged.

She needs to move abroad again.

I'd be furious from an environmental perspective, let alone your bills. She sounds totally mental!

You are an absolute saint to put up with this MIL, OP.
She is taking advantage of you and should not be running up your bills.
I would have a serious chat with her and/or DH.
She needs to cut back and live within your means (since you’re paying!) or get a job and contribute. At 53 she has another good 12 years of work in her if she’s healthy.

Do you think she's doing this to spite you so you won't be able to afford to live with them? Is the property rented? Whose name is on the tenancy? She sounds like a nightmare

Have you got a smart meter? Can you calculate how much energy you're using each week and how much that will cost in £?
The convert that into working hours, ie if you calculate that the electricity bill will be 200 this month, how many hours will it take you to earn that much (after tax and deductions). Show her that reality.

I think that your husband should deal with it-but will he?

Do you have to all keep living together?

Your son can still be close to his Grandparents without you all living in the same house.

Was she previously living somewhere where it would be normal to use a washing machine & dishwasher when they have almost nothing in them?

Does she understand what a waste of resources & money it is?

Unplug the machines.

I'm 51 so it made me chuckle when it turned out she was 53 years old as the board is "Elderly Parents" I was expecting her to be 80s/90s!

We live in the same rented house 4 years. My fil, me and my husband are on tenancy agreement and all bills, three of us.
We (me+my husband) found this house, agreed with landlord and fil asked to join us. He was struggling to find a flat for himself since mil was gone abroad.
Like I said, never have a problem with fil, everything started this January when mil came back. Our problem is that we signed 5years tenancy agreement, it's very nice house, my son has nursery 3 minutes walk, I really don't want to move out....

Your MIL is being very unreasonable. Maybe write her out a list of house rules : one shower a day, washing machine on when full, same for dish washer, contribute to bills.
Alternatively return to home country and husband will send some money, which will be much cheaper than her living with you.
Ignore crying and wailing like you would a naughty child.