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Elderly parents
Original poster

Tired of paying MIL bills

149 replies

Meklk · 02/04/2022 19:46

Sorry for my English, I'm not British but I really like this website and looking for advice...
We renting a house in London together with my father in law. So there were 3 adults (FIL, husband,me) and one child (my son) .
We never had any issues, I really like my father in law, he helped us with childcare in the past, very nice and friendly guy. I was all the time cooking for all of us, cleaning, helping him with laundry,etc.
My mother in law used to live in other country. And January, 2022 she decided she wants to live in UK, together with us. I was happy that my son will spend more time with his grandparents, my husband missed his mother too.
But... That women is like 5 extra persons in house- she showering minimum 3 times a day, using dishwasher with 2 dirty plates after every single meal, washing machine and thumbler dryer working NON STOP 24/7. Every single night I'm waking from heat,she put thermostat on 25 degrees. I just got the bill for gas and electricity and almost fainted.
My husband tried to spoke with her that we still sharing all the costs between him, his father and me and it's quite tough to be honest, we pay for childcare until September, I have reduced hours because my illness.
She was soooo upset, she was crying all evening that we don't respect her,that she is too old to work (she is 53). It was very polite conversation, I even offered to try some "saving' ideas,like wash our work uniforms together, etc.She said she worked enough in her life and doesn't want to feel cold or keep dirty clothes in laundry basket.
I still trying to be nice with everyone but this situation drives me crazy. I'm going to work with terrible pains ( I'm cleaner and have arthritis) and have to spend all money for bills. I would better buy my son some toys rather than pay massive bills.
Should I try to speak with her? Or leave it for my husband?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 04/04/2022 13:40

Brilliant work OP - stay strong! And still switch off or stop her using everything as two weeks on these new tariffs is still not a bill you want to be paying.

woodhill · 04/04/2022 13:41

Glad she is going away OP and you managed to speak to her

Nanny0gg · 04/04/2022 13:42

Well done.

But I'd still go behind her and turn it all off

tcjotm · 04/04/2022 13:49

Excellent news! But definitely still switch things off and tell her no as needed. You don’t want her changing her mind and staying.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 04/04/2022 13:55

Glad she is going back OP.

I always have a shoulder for those who cry if life is difficult.

However, I have no time for those who weep to get their own way. Or for idle buggers who expect others to pay for their entitled indulgences.

53 too old to work? Hmmmph.

PrawnMeringue · 04/04/2022 14:01

Well done OP!

brainhurts · 04/04/2022 15:34

Well done 👏 never ever have her back

woodhill · 04/04/2022 16:41

Love the elderly at 53😁

AcrossthePond55 · 04/04/2022 17:24

@Meklk

So, we had a conversation yesterday and it ended up like expected- she was screaming, crying, asked to call ambulance (we didn't). She bought flight tickets and coming back to her country. We have only two weeks to"survive" until her flight. I'm feeling like I just won a million! So relaxed and happy that this will end... Of course our electricity usage for the next two weeks will hit the sky, but finally she will be out. Thank you everyone for support!
Don't let your guard down for one instant until she is on that plane!

Her buying a ticket could be a 'fake out' to get you all to back down. Plus if you ease off now, she may think she's 'won' and cancel her flight.

alexdgr8 · 04/04/2022 19:35

yes, don't count your chickens until they're hatched.
keep on guard.
will FIL be staying with you ?
oh and don't let her see how pleased you are at the prospect of her going; narcissists often do a sudden switch around to keep the upper hand and plummet their victim from relief to anguish again.
watch out.

546W0bbleWinner · 04/04/2022 21:36

The state retirement age for a 53 year old in UK, I believe is currently 68

How will she claim a full state pension in the future if she hasn't worked or paid any National Insurance contributions ?. If she is not well enough to work, she could have tried claiming PIP or ESA

If she has gone to another country, will that country pay a pension in the future

Or will she rely on her husbands pension ?

A possible time bomb

brainhurts · 05/04/2022 07:28

I second don't let up on her until she's gone .
Can you try to get her settled status overturned ? Surety if she's lived overseas for four years she's not settled.
She shouldn't have access to any uk privileges

woodhill · 05/04/2022 09:25

@546W0bbleWinner

The state retirement age for a 53 year old in UK, I believe is currently 68

How will she claim a full state pension in the future if she hasn't worked or paid any National Insurance contributions ?. If she is not well enough to work, she could have tried claiming PIP or ESA

If she has gone to another country, will that country pay a pension in the future

Or will she rely on her husbands pension ?

A possible time bomb

I don't think she should be able to claim anything.

The NI hike is so unfair on people working if there is any chance of her receiving payments off the state

Shgytfgtf111 · 07/04/2022 11:01

Well done OP! I agree though, keep being firm, knocking things off and telling her no or in a couple of weeks she will stay put thinking she has won.

Original poster
Meklk · 07/04/2022 21:33

She doesn't care about pension, she even doesn't care about tomorrow.
I believe I mentioned here,she tried to apply for UC but was rejected. It was pre-covid, she was invited for interview and fighted with everyone at Job Centre,she didn't agree to look for a job.

OP posts:
brainhurts · 08/04/2022 07:48

It sounds like she just wants to freeload of FIL . Keep the pressure on her until she's leaving for the airport

Edinvillian · 19/04/2022 15:24

Did she leave?

Doodar · 19/04/2022 17:47

bloody hell op, I hope she's gone.

Original poster
Meklk · 19/04/2022 19:40

She is gone!
Last day she managed to switch heating on, outside was +20.
Thank you everyone for your support 😊

OP posts:
whowhatwerewhy · 19/04/2022 20:27

Smile well done op , never have her back.

Shgytfgtf111 · 23/04/2022 11:00

Hooray!

Ikeptgoing · 07/05/2022 16:30

Well done OP

Your MiL is only 53 - middle aged- and was sponging off of you. You have DCs and cannot afford to pay for an adult with expensive tastes , who refuses to work. She's same age as me give or take a few years and I work part time (would work full time but am disabled, not in benefits) and lone parent of 3 DCs and I support all of us on my wages.

Never let her move back in. Make that agreement now with FIL.

If she wants to live in U.K. she needs to live with FIL separately in their own place or find her own place.

This is elderly relative forum and she is not in least bit elderly!!! Confused She is however someone who sponges off of your goodwill and finances. The way she wracked up your bills is shocking, and she paid nothing towards them? Not even renting out her own property abroad nor offering you any rent and bill payments? You have the patience of a saint.

Dillydollydingdong · 07/05/2022 16:38

National age to retire is 66/67. She's got another 15 or so years left before she can stop work. She's quite lazy, isn't she? You need to be kind but firm about not wasting money or household resources. Bills are going up very high and very quickly.

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