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Elderly parents
Original poster

Cockroach Cafe - come and try our new sunroom

989 replies

MereDintofPandiculation · 20/11/2021 20:45

Welcome, come and see our new sunroom/conservatory, open just in time for the colder weather, and opens straight off the Bad Daughter’s room.

Anyway, come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
MintyCedric · 07/12/2021 15:22

Knot Cake

countrygirl99 · 07/12/2021 15:47

knot so sorry

freshcarnation · 07/12/2021 16:01

Knotaknitter. What a shock for you. Even when you expect it it hits you like a ton of bricks x

thesandwich · 07/12/2021 16:45

@Knotaknitter invisible ink response. I am so very sorry. 🌺🌺🌺🌺
We are here if you need us.

Words · 07/12/2021 16:52

knot Thanks

PermanentTemporary · 07/12/2021 17:03

Knot I'm so sorry.

Restzol · 07/12/2021 17:45

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere this is probably of no use to you but it may be to others - my parent banks with the Halifax. Thought it would be the nightmare you describe as they went from being able to go to branch (branch only account, only get on it) to housebound in quite a swift time frame. Halifax have a dedicated phone line for the elderly and have issued a code for phone use. What I found useful was using their Messenger chat rather than calling.

Mum5net · 07/12/2021 17:49

Knot Flowers

MysterOfWomanY · 07/12/2021 18:10

knot (invisible Brew and Flowers and Cake. )

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 07/12/2021 18:22

@Knotaknitter I am so sorry.

@Restzol Mum is with Halifax. They have given me a telephone number for them to phone for mum. Matron is away at the moment so can do nothing until she gets back.

HellonHeels · 07/12/2021 20:04

Quiet hug knota I'm so sorry Flowers

Quickchangeartiste · 07/12/2021 20:12

Knot so sorry. We are never really ready for it.💐

IWasWillingToGoWassailing · 07/12/2021 21:29

Knot I'm so sorry. Even when it's expected, it's awful. 💐

FIL has excelled himself again. He is still finding excuses not to do an LFT prior to the memory clinic / our visit, which currently renders me, at least, unable to go (too risky. Blood clots in September could be disastrous if I caught Covid of any stripe).

Now he has spontaneously decided that he wants both big boys' partners to have Christmas presents from him. To achieve this, he is taking half the boys' Christmas money, which he has already given them, off them and redistributing it to the GFs. This would be less of an issue, had one boy not spent his on a new cycle hat that he very much needed, already. The miserable old git says this is out problem to solve. We disagree.

OnthePiste · 07/12/2021 22:37

So sorry @Knot

MrsWobble3 · 07/12/2021 23:24

Knot, I’ve not posted before but just to say I’m sorry. I’m a month on from you and it is getting easier - I’d never realised grief could be so physically painful but that phase seems to have passed. Look after yourself.

MoreElderlyParentWoes · 07/12/2021 23:41

Invisible flowers for Knot FlowersFlowersFlowers

BinaryDot · 08/12/2021 00:26

Oh Knot big invisible hug. And cake.

Knotaknitter · 08/12/2021 08:48

@IWasWillingToGoWassailing Well he can't take it back can he? A gift once given has gone. I've read your other thread and know this isn't one off unreasonableness. "They've spent it Dad, not happening" covers it, the girls get a £5 box of chocolates this year and you're ready to ask the question next year. There is a hint of spolit toddler here, everyone bending to his will so as to avoid a scene. You've had children and know how this plays out if left unchecked. It's hard to say "No"" to your parents because you have been trained through your childhood to say "yes".

I'm currently in legal limbo where my role of attorney has ended and that of executor not started. I have nothing to do today. Apart from going to mum's care home, visting MIL to tell her and buying myself an early Christmas present from the garage, my car is attempting to distract me by bleating about low tyre pressure.

I am very proud of mum for having the foresight to make it clear to her family that she'd donated her body to the teaching hospital, I didn't fancy explaining that to the aunties. I never thought she'd actually do it, there was an article in one of the papers and she showed an interest so I found her the phone number for enquiries. I was surprised that she returned the forms and even more surprised that she spoke to her family about her wishes.

May your day be as uneventful as mine is (hopefully) going to be.

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 08/12/2021 09:00

@notaflyingmonkey

I do love the fact that we can share experiences with faecal incontinence whilst scoffing cake in our special room!
Meanwhile, elsewhere on MN , there’s a thread on “worst ever dinner party conversations “ starting with … faeces.

Mind, I think having children goes a long way towards converting “yuk!” to matter of fact, and having elderly parents completes the process.

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Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 08/12/2021 09:07

Why do people think of older people as children to be told what is best for them? Absolutely! I’m drawing close to the age of some of the elderly parents here, my DH certainly does qualify in age for elderly parent status. We’re independent, capable, children still ask for advice, and woe betide anyone who suggests we might like to move to one of those nice retirement flats down the road.

OP posts:
Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 08/12/2021 09:15

knot Flowers

I’m sorry, I read the new posts in date order, so didn’t see yours till I’d replied to the others

OP posts:
IoWfairy · 08/12/2021 17:38

@Knotaknitter
So sorry for you. Remember to treat yourself to something frivolous as well as the garage 'gift' - I got some nice soap and a jam doughnut a few days after dad died. Doughnut was v sugary and yummy and comforting - I'll bring some for everyone next time I visit the special doughnut bakery.

notaflyingmonkey · 08/12/2021 18:13

I ended up spending most of Sunday doing errands for DM, but of course, no matter how much time you give, it is never enough. Whatever I do, a task never quite seems to be completed. It's just a series of spinning plates.

The carer has just messaged me to say that DM wet the bed last night, and tried to bin the sheets etc. Which explains why I have to keep buying her new bedding - I couldn't work out where on earth she was putting it all. Now I know - in the bin.

I truly hate what she and I have been reduced to.

Opal8 · 08/12/2021 19:00

knot

I'm very sorry x

Opal8 · 08/12/2021 19:03

Back to drs with mum today...
Fluid gone from lungs
Heart bloods not quite normal so non urgent referral for heart echo
Her kidneys aren't emptying so referral to urology
I love the phrase non urgent!
Mum does seem to be going out a bit more now. She hadn't left the flat in weeks until Monday.
Cockroach all x