Aunt has to go to nursing home - she thinks she's coming home

[CrystalFlyer]

My Aunt has been living with my mother, her sister-in-law. It's my mums house. My mum is 79 & my Aunt 89.

Thursday my aunt had a fall (due to her not using her walking stick) and has broken her wrist and has a bleed on her brain. So she's in hospital currently .

My mum has decided she can't come home. She can't look after her and she nursed her mother and my Dad as they died and she's not doing it again at her age. Which is fair enough.

My Aunt doesn't know yet. I obviously need to have conversations with the hospital as to what we do next but I'm just not sure how to tell my aunt she's not coming home. Someone in the hospital will have to do it as visitors aren't allowed and she's very hard of hearing and can't hear me on the phone.

Anyone have any experience with this? I think she would actually do well in a home and if possible we'd bring her home for the day occasionally.

I'm worried about the capacity issue as well. She's mentally ok so she would say she wants to go home but my mum is refusing to let her back in the house.

I’ve been on Mumsnet a while and realise that in the UK it’s usually 2 weeks between a death and a funeral? I have to admit I’d find that so hard. This is hard too but it’s what I’m used to (arranged funerals for another aunt, uncle & my Dad). I guess a funeral within a few days must seem strange to some of you.

@CrystalFlyer thinking of you.

No matter what anyone thinks. Have the funeral which will bring the most comfort to you and yours. That's the focus now.

I've only ever experienced more like 6 weeks between death and funeral, which I actually haven't minded too much. But I know many communities have funerals the day after the death and I can imagine that being immensely comforting to gather (as much as we can at the moment) almost straight away. to you.

I was going to offer my experience but it’s England based (not sure if Scotland or Wales are different hence not saying UK).

As you’re Ireland it will be different again.

The only thing I will say is your mum has to be absolutely clear to all concerned including the hospital and adult social services that she will not and cannot have Auntie back with her under any circumstances and that she has no legal rights to return to Mum’s home.

Oh gosh, sorry. I should RTFT 💐

My gran spent a year in a home thinking she was going home. Initially they said it was temporary until she was feeling ok again. Then she quite liked being looked after and would agree to stay “a week or two more”. She also used to ask what we thought her husband might like for dinner. It was kinder to make suggestions like - chicken? Than tell her he had been dead for 20 years. The long fob off is the way to go...

Oh dear OP - I am sorry to (now) see your sad news. I am sorry I did not read the whole thread...

RTFT

It was about a week when I was a kid (UK here). Not a big fan of the huge delays we see today. I was relieved that both Mum and Dad were buried within a week.

Lots of love @CrystalFlyer. You have done so well supporting your Mom & making sure your Aunt was looked after. How heart breaking to end this way. But from what the nurse says she was in fine form the day she was going to the home and never lost her spirit. She was happy to go and would have known she was well loved & cared for. Hugs for your Mom too, she'll be finding loosing another relation of her generation difficult I'm sure.
Enjoy the funeral as best you can, celebrate her life & share your stories with your siblings & cousins.
Swift burials in Ireland are by far the best, while high emotion as so close to the passing you can grieve in real time unlike here were 3 weeks is the norm. Come the weekend you'll be ready for a good rest xx

Well it’s all over. It was an unusual funeral due to covid but it was lovely all the same. We are so lucky with our neighbours and community in general.

I’m taking the weekend off but I’m also the executor of my Aunts will so I need to start sorting that out and we’re starting a house renovation project that will have DH busy for a while.

Thanks to all for helping me through this and the condolences.

So sorry for your loss OP. I had nothing to add but followed your thread.

🌺🌺