Aunt has to go to nursing home - she thinks she's coming home

[CrystalFlyer]

My Aunt has been living with my mother, her sister-in-law. It's my mums house. My mum is 79 & my Aunt 89.

Thursday my aunt had a fall (due to her not using her walking stick) and has broken her wrist and has a bleed on her brain. So she's in hospital currently .

My mum has decided she can't come home. She can't look after her and she nursed her mother and my Dad as they died and she's not doing it again at her age. Which is fair enough.

My Aunt doesn't know yet. I obviously need to have conversations with the hospital as to what we do next but I'm just not sure how to tell my aunt she's not coming home. Someone in the hospital will have to do it as visitors aren't allowed and she's very hard of hearing and can't hear me on the phone.

Anyone have any experience with this? I think she would actually do well in a home and if possible we'd bring her home for the day occasionally.

I'm worried about the capacity issue as well. She's mentally ok so she would say she wants to go home but my mum is refusing to let her back in the house.

I agree with saying your aunt cannot go back up to your Mums. And dont accept a care package. What I meant was you can't decide she goes into a home. They will need to decide on the best accommodation for her. Thats what the meeting is about. The way forward. And you keep stressing moving back to your Mums isn't an option.

Totally agree with @Viviennemary , your position is she cannot go home to your mums and it’s then up to them to work with your aunt to work out where she can go . At the moment your aunt is in effect homeless , so in the UK I assume if she didn’t want to go to a home that the council would be involved to find some kind of accommodation . Does your aunt have a key to your mums house with her as it may be an idea to change the locks.

WE HAVE PROGRESS!!!

I have just had a very loud shouty conversation with my Aunt on the phone and she is ok with the idea of going to a nursing home!!!!

I managed to get it across to her in 5 minutes so I have no clue what the discharge coordinator was saying to her!!!

And before anyone gets the wrong idea - she’s incredibly dead on the phone - shouting is the only way she can hear me.

She’s still not entirely clear on things so I’m going to keep the meeting just so everyone is on the same page.

Well done! Definitely easier on your Aunt if she understands what is happening. She may have some say in where she moves to, depending on any assessments.

Well done @CrystalFlyer .

nothing to add except cheerleading - it is so difficult and your aunt (and mum) are lucky they have you to advocate and make stuff happen.

stand firm. She's not going to be on the street!

I’m not complete free and clear yet - I explained it that you will go somewhere like cousin x (cousin x was in a nursing home and she visited him and thought it was lovely). Now she said she will go to that exact nursing home - so need to explain it might not be that exact one but one very like it.

Was speaking to the GP and he said he would be surprised if she was alive in 6 months given her decline.

If necessary get her into somewhere else and tell her she’s on a waiting list for the place she wants

Poster an update and it’s disappeared!

It’s all sorted. Peggy is going to an nursing home. Discharge coordinator asked her 4 separate times and eventually accepted it when my Aunt used the words ‘I’m happy to go’

Poster an update and it’s disappeared!

It’s all sorted. Peggy is going to an nursing home. Discharge coordinator asked her 4 separate times and eventually accepted it when my Aunt used the words ‘I’m happy to go’

Good outcome thankfully.

The physio and the OT were both VERY clear that Peggy needs help with everything. She’s really unsteady on her feet but still tries to get around by herself. They’ve taken her off of blood thinners because it could be catastrophic if she hit her head again but she’s at a slightly increased risk of strokes.

What a relief.

Very very relieved to hear this, sounds like the best possible outcome in the circumstances. Blooming well done.

They are trying to force a 79 year old into taking on a massive nursing and care role that she has no obligation whatsoever to take on. You are quite right that you need to fight your mum's corner. Your aunt has no more right to demand to be allowed to move back to your mum's house than she has right to demand that she moves into the Care Coordinator's home and force her to be a carer! Quite bluntly your aunt does not have a home. You need to make these points quite brutally and without couching it in social niceties to ensure you are clearly understood.

I'm sorry I missed a page of updates and thought the meeting hadn't happened yet. Please ignore the above.

Wonderful to hear!

Have the form for funding ready to go today and hopefully things will start moving next week!

Just a huge thank you to everyone who supported me on this thread!!

So glad things are improving for you.

Quick update as I sit in a hospital waiting room trying to keep my mind occupied - my Aunt got a bed in her first choice of nursing home. She was going to be transfered today, the taxi was at the front door (I had offered to drive her myself but they felt a wheelchair taxi would be more comfortable for her).

She started having seizures. I got a phone call that she’d gone unresponsive and to come in. They think that she’s had another bleed in her brain and have taken her for a
CT scan. Basically everyone is acting like this is it.

So sorry to hear your update OP, thinking of you

I’m so sorry to read your update op. Unmumsnetty hugs

OP. An aunt of mine died recently and though not particularly close or anything, it still knocked me for six. Take care of yourself.